"NyQuil -The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine."

"Filthy, Stinking Rich! Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"

"Real Men Don't Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair"

"Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time"

"Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-in-law on a Milk Carton"

"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" - (seen on an 8 year old)

"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"

"Procrastinate Now"

"Rehab Is for Quitters"

"My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse - He Couldn't Do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse"

"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts-Do You Want Fries With That?"

"Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size shirt)

"Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15"

"If a woman's place is in the home WHY AM I ALWAYS IN THIS CAR!"

"ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING"

"West Virginia: One Million People, Fifteen Last Names"

"I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN"

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance"

"STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP.  Park elsewhere!"

"They call it "PMS" because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken"

"How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?"

"He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead"

"Time's fun when you're having flies.......Kermit the Frog"

"POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN ....Cops have nothing to go on."

"HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH"

"HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig."

"HARD WORK WILL PAY OFF LATER.  LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW!"

"IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?"

"MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT"