Big Stakes
One day this guy was hiking up to an old camp. There was an outhouse along the way, so the guy goes up to the outhouse and accidentally drops a nickel down the hole.
He was very upset about this and threw his whole wallet down into the hole. Another guy who was hiking saw him throw his wallet down in the outhouse hole and asked,
"Hey buddy, what did you do that for?"
The guy's reply was, "You didn't think I would go down there for just a nickel did you?"
Bleeding Everywhere
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.
When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was hopping up and down with rage, complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!" he shrieked.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
"Oh no...." replied the lawyer, looking down and noticing for the first time the bloody stump where his left arm had once been.
"Where's my Rolex???"