 | Now this hare stohry takes place in the warm month of Jooly and wuz reeelated to the writer by a member of the Mizohri State Po-lice who wished to remain a-nonymous.
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"Hello, Mr. Eyes? This is the Mizohri State Po-lice. No sir, yer car is parked just fahn for your fishing trip. Seems one of our officers just received a call from the Ontario Pro-vincial Po-lice. Seems your daughter Brn, was entertaining over the weekend. Yes sir, a friend from the States and a feller from not too far from your home. Uh-huh, okay, so you knew 'bout them visitors. Okey-doke. No sir, your home is still intact from what I know."
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"This involves the feller......a Mr. Tucker. No, no, he's fahn! Yeah, the feller that called did mention something about coffee, how yer daughter kept going on about pot, water, grounds alternately, but everythin's fahn physical health wise. See, it's your daughters mental health that they seem to be concerned 'bout." |
"Wha' happened?.....well, seems yer neighbour......(editor's note: that's how them canucks spell it....weird huh?)...called the po-lice due to some commotion on your communal dock........Well, he reported something 'bout Brn going on uncontrollably 'bout some "killer fish". Yessir, that's a deerect quote." |  |
"According to the po-lice reeport, she and Mr. Tucker were enjoying an afternoon of fishing on the river, when......now this is according to Mr. Tucker....."..while talking, we (Brn and I) heard a scratching sound between our chairs. Brn and I looked down at the same time to find her fishing pole, (actually her lil-human's), no longer laying on the dock between the chairs. We looked at each other and then out in the water to find the semi-hollow handle of the rod floating about 1" under the surface of the river, two feet from the dock. I started to get up to make a grab for it, but before I got even a bit out of the chair, the rod made a emergency dive for the bottom and and was gone......zzzzzzziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiP...just like that!'." |
"Now, according to yer neighbour...(editor still can't get over the weird spelling...just like their use of "u" in colour, flavour, savour, and favour'... english or french...pick a language, Pick A Language!!!) .....anyways......according yer neighbour, he come out of his back door, the one that faces the river, being drawn away from his dinner by the sound of uncontrollable laughter coming from yer dock on the opp-o-site side of the river. He sez, "..by the time I got out there, all I could see was Brn', yer daughter...oh, you knew that....hmmm, 'walking back and forth up and down the dock. Now in the middle of her pacing, holding her belly and guffawing, was this guy...just kind of standing there, laughing his ass off. Both of their eyes were as big as dinner plates. At some point, the guy says, 'well, I guess we're done fishing huh?', and Brn quits guffawing long enough to yell,'WELL I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!', and then relaunch herself into another laughing jag. Brn started dancing around on the dock, holding her sides. I watched as both of them, almost in unison, would alternately look at each other wide-eyed, then look back at some spot on the water, just in front of the dock. They looked like they were expecting whatever it was that caused them to lose total control, to make a return visit. After about 10 minutes of this, I figured I'd better call you guys, (the po-lice). In case things got a bit worse and somebody went for a swim.' When officials informed yer neighbour that it was a fishing rod, proported stolen by a fish, that went in the drink, he said, 'well, to me, the look on their faces looked like they were expecting the fish to come back up, apologize and offer the rod back, or ask if they had any appetizers to go with it!'. He also said, 'Brn had her legs pinched together so hard, it was obvious she was laughing herself into peeing like a racehorse. You should have seen her trying to maneuver herself up the stairs to ground level!!!! I'd give just about anything to have had my video camera handy..that was better than the guy that gets hit square with the football on "Funniest Home Videos!! Each step an adventure in mountain climbing, I bet she'd have had an easier time climbing Mount Everest!'." |
"Next, the Pro-vincial Po-lice spoke to yer other house-guest. Miss Thiea sez, 'I could hear those two laughing before they even crested the hill behind the house. They came staggering thru the door, into the 'puter room and were just about ROFLing (rolling on the floor laughing). It must have taken them 20 minutes to get the whole story out and Brn never did go to the washroom. The two of them went on the computer to tell all in Yahoo Chat the fish story of the year. I don't think her dad ever did believe it till about a month later. I had a little trouble at first too, but they stick by it!'." |
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"Now Mr. Eyes, the Pro-vincial Po-lice want to know if they should be releasing yer daughter or keeping her for a psychiatric eeevaluation. Uh huh....keep her till you get there. Uh huh, and when should I tell them that will be. 'bout two weeks. Uuuuuuuuh okey doke. I don't imagine she'll be too impressed with that. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you don't care much huh.......OH!! this is an example of why you didn't leave yer boat in the water huh? Figured you'd find it in 'bout 40 feet of water! Now THAT'S funny!!! And what about Mr. Tucker? Tell them to front him a bus ticket and send him home. Okay." |
"Well Mr. Eyes, I'd always heard you Canucks were nice people and you've proven that to be true.....a bit weird, but nice!! Y'all have a nice vacation and I'll relay yer message to the proper auTHORities in Ontario....okay, buhbye now." |
Editor's note: Well, there ya go...and that's the way it happened. If you want confirmation, ask a Mr. Marshall-tucker in Yahoo chat sometime. Another little side note. As Miss Thiea said, Mr. Eyes had a little trouble believing that some killer fish on the Ausable River had stolen Brn's lil-human's fishing pole. That is, until about a month later, when Mr. Eyes' own pole went for an afternoon dip courtesy of some fish, or so he says. The neighbour says he didn't call the po-lice that time cuz he figured the daffyness just ran in the family. Word among the participants is.......scuba divers have been combing the area where the Ausable River empties into Lake Huron. They've reportedly been looking for a fish nest where the inhabitant has a couple of bait-casting rods, proudly mounted over his fireplace. We'll keep you posted.
Bye-bye y'all. |
