Sarah Part 3

Max died on a Tuesday afternoon.

Sarah was starting dinner and turned the television on. The early evening news came on and she listened with only half her attention as she stood before the sink washing vegetables. Perhaps this was the reason why standing at this sink even now threw her back into her past, it was where she stood when her world came to an end.

There was talk of the case that Max was prosecuting. It was in all the papers. The murder trial of a twelve year old girl. Sarah was always proud of Max but there were times when her heart swelled with pride like now. He could have gone into private practice after he graduated law school but he wanted to be a district attorney. It mattered to him, making a difference, maybe even doing some good in the world.

Max was special, he was a unique soul, every life he touched was better for having known him. This trial was a highly volatile and public one. People were outraged that the suspect was a neighbor of the little girl. Unfortunately he was a repeat offender in child abuse. He had served time for practically beating his own little girl to death ten years before.

It seemed the entire town had become an angry mob, screaming for blood on the courthouse steps. The jury was coming back in and everyone was called to return to the courtroom. Apparently things had become so intense that the judge had to clear the gallery before the last recess was called. There would be no one allowed back in to hear the verdict.

Max had gotten the page to return to the courtroom and was walking up the courthouse steps. There were shouts and angry screams from the crowd. People were pushing at the police which did their best to hold back the riotous mob. The news cameras got it all on film. Sarah stood there watching the live broadcast holding her breath.

She feared Max might be hurt by the angry crowd. They seemed hell bent on punishing anyone for the crimes of the accused. As if in slow motion there was a shot from somewhere in the crowd. Max turned and threw himself in the path of the bullet to protect a woman who stood beside him. He pushed her out of the way as if by reflex and took the bullet directly in the heart.

Sarah watched as Max clutched his chest, his eyes wide with disbelief. He slowly fell to the ground as if he were too stunned to absorb what had just happened. The crowds ran and screamed and Max slipped to the pavement. The cameras were still filming him. He looked up into the camera and whispered his final word………."Sarah".

He closed his eyes and never opened them again. Sarah stood frozen in her kitchen refusing to believe what she had just witnessed. Silently she reached over and turned off the television. It began in whispers, "no," "he can’t be, no, I don’t believe it….." she paced back and forth in her kitchen and began to shake, "its not true, if he were dead I would feel it. It must have been a bad dream" "Not Max, Noooooooo, it can’t be Max." She went back to the sink and picked up the carrots she had just washed and began chopping.

She started out performing the task as normally as any other day but as she chopped her movements became angrier and more desperate. She slammed the knife down over and over again. Her body shook with rage. Her words became more and more frantic "No Max, you haven’t left me. You promised you would never leave me. I believed you Max."

She didn’t even realize that tears streamed down her face, she just continued to chop madly. She was beyond rational thought and she flung the cutting board away from her and off the counter. Peels of carrots and little chopped bits lay everywhere about the room. The knife lay at her feet.

The tears came faster now, her body wracked with sobs. The room seemed to close in on her as she gave into the pain. Just as Max’s heart died so would hers. He was life itself to her and he was gone. She fell to the floor not knowing how long she laid there, and cried.

That’s how Susan found her. The same friend who stood beside her the first time Max had seen her, and later again when Max pledged his everlasting love to her stood beside her now. Susan had been there from the very beginning and she knew what this would do to Sarah.

She got there as quickly as she could, terrified she would be too late. Max and Sarah had the kind of love that normal people couldn’t even imagine existed. She had watched them grow up together. Watched them become one heart, one mind, and one soul.

Susan feared that Sarah would not survive the shock if she had actually seen the news. Something deep down inside had told her she might be too late. She pounded on the front door but there was no answer. She could hear Sarah’s sobs from out on the porch.

She yelled, she screamed but Sarah did not answer. Just those heart wrenching sobs coming from somewhere inside the house. Susan frantically searched for the spare key she knew Max and Sarah kept hidden outside. Max was always leaving his keys in the office. "Oh God Max…" she thought as her hand came in contact with the key beneath the geranium pot.

Susan pushed open the door, the house was dark but for the light of evening’s dusk forcing out the reds and gold of sunset. It was eerie how quiet the house seemed. There was a stillness that gave Susan the chills. The only sounds she could hear was the living room clock ticking from up on the mantel and Sarah sobs which seemed to come from the kitchen. Susan called out to Sarah to let her know she was coming in but there was no answer.

Afraid to face her friend she moved through the house a bit more slowly then the situation warranted. What could she possibly say or do to help Sarah? It was heartbreaking to find Sarah like she did. Sarah lay upon the floor in the midst of carrot peels sobbing. The sobs tore at Susan’s heart. They came from deep down in Sarah’s soul. The agony she was feeling could not be missed.

Susan reached down to comfort her friend and Sarah jumped back away from her. She curled up in the corner beneath the kitchen table and began shouting "Don’t say anything! Don’t say it and it won’t be true. Just get out, just leave me here. Leave me the hell alone!!"

Sarah was somewhere beyond hysteria and rational thought. Her eyes not only red from crying but wild with anguish. Sarah lunged forward suddenly grabbing the knife from the floor. She moved so quickly Susan couldn’t stop her. Susan felt an instant of panic and began pleading with Sarah. "You can’t do this Sarah. Please, give me the knife."

Sarah’s cries of pain filled the room once again. "Why not? Why should I live without my love, without my life?" "How can you or anyone ask this of me? You don’t understand, you don’t know." Once again the tears poured down Sarah’s face. There was nothing left in this world worth living for without Max. It was really very simple, she knew he awaited her in heaven.

She could be with him again, now, if only she took the knife in her hand and………..

"NOOooooooo!" Susan screamed at her this time seeing Sarah’s desperation. "You can’t I won’t let you! If you do this I’ve lost you both, please Sarah, I need you, don’t leave me!" Susan fell to the floor beside her friend and cried with her.

"I’m sorry Susan, I don’t want to live without Max, don’t you understand?" Sarah still clutched the knife in her hand refusing to let go.

Susan knew there was only one way to convince her friend to go on living without the man she loved and that was by being firm with her, "Sarah, what would Max say if he saw you like this?"

Sarah blinked back the tears and took a deep breath, she shuddered to think how Max would react. "I think he’d be very angry with me, he called me a stupid woman and then we’d both laugh and he would kiss me." "He’d make everything alright again Susan but he’s not here to do that now.

Susan reached over prying the knife from Sarah’s hands, "I want to say that I understand what you’re feeling but I can’t begin to imagine your pain." "But I do know that were Max here, he would expect you to go on without him. I know how much Max loved life Sarah, how much he loved you." "It would break his heart to see you like this."

Sarah sat there on the floor trapped in a private world of pain that she could share with no one. She knew her friend was right. Max would want her to be happy and live life without him. She loved him enough to know she would try her best.

It took Sarah a long time to grieve. The loss of Max was staggering. She had loved him with all she possessed and he had given as much of himself to her in return. They were joined at the soul. She could still feel him sometimes. On some days she could smell his cologne even now. And in her dreams his love would haunt her until her dying day.

There really was no way for Sarah to let go of Max. He was a part of her forever. If she closed her eyes and thought really hard about him sometimes he even whispered in her ear. There were days when it drove her mad and days when he was her only salvation.

He was life, and death, laughter and love. He was her tears, her pain and her joy. He was what made the world come to life and her alive within it. Sarah would always carry her Max in her thoughts and her heart.

Sarah moved on with her life eventually though it took several years. She found a good man who loved her but it would never be the same. There could only be one Max and she would love him for a lifetime.

Sarah sat upon the bench in her rose garden on a beautiful spring morning. The world bloomed with renewed life and the air was sweet. She had so many blessing but deep within her lingered sadness. She had moments of fleeting happiness but she would always live her life remembering a love that dreams were made from and lived only in her dreams now.