1. They make excellent doorstops.
2. They're more efficient than any bed warmer.
3. You can make them your on private ATM.
4. They'll give a better workout than any home gym can.
5. They have their own built in solar panel.
6. Feed them beans, and vwahla!--fumigator!
7. They make excellent guard dogs.
8. They're good for decoration.
9. Face it--your own personal slave.
10. They can fix the "thump, thump, ka-ching" under your
hood.
11. Then again, maybe they can't.
12. Their idea of clean is your idea of a stimulating
obstacle course.
13. All the Holiday Inn towel sets you could ever want.
14. They're predators.
15. They like to catch bugs and spiders.
16. You never have to feed them. (see #'s 14 and 15)
17. Who needs a pillow? Use the beer gut.
18. You'll always know where the remote is.
19. Simple minds, simple pleasures.
20. They make good backscratchers.
21. They'll never complain about your cooking--unless they
want to cook for themselves.
22. Men make women look good.
23. Their high, sloping forehead makes an excellent
mirror.
24. So does their head.
25. Two heads are better than one.
26. They're easily satisfied.
27. They make good company for your pet ferret or snake.
28. Everything is their fault.
29. They can reacht those high shelves.
30. They can open jars--once you loosen them for them!
31. They supply two arms to had packages while you shop.
32. They help you get dressed.
33. They help you get _un_dressed.
34. They can scoop ice cream.
35. Your own personal chaffeur.
36. You never have to move your own furniture.
37. What could be better than a nightly foot massage?
38. They're great for coming up with excuses.
39. They're stories are so interesting!
40. Ever seen _Wild Kingdom_??
41. They don't mind getting dirty.
42. And even if they did, who could tell?
43. They have $70,000 penises. (remember the porsche in
the
first episode of Cybil?)
44. They are easily trained.
45. If you break your first one, you can always get
another.
46. Hot dogs and cucumbers get moldy.
47. Men have a longer shelf-life.
48. They come(sp?) in so many different flavors.
49. They come(sp?) in so many different sizes.
50. But they only cum in one color.
51. They can clean up after your pets (now if they could
only clean up after themselves.....)
52. You can practice your fly-bys (everything goes over
their head)
53. They look so cute when they are confused.
54. Your mattress will never be lopsided.
55. Your own archaeological speciman.
56. All the joys of motherhood with out the labor.
57. Human antenna.
58. They're always at attention.
59. Free riding lessons (especially bareback)
60. They'll carry your books.
61. They'll buy you flowers.
62. They bring home the bacon. :)
63. You have all the control.
64. They become your shadow.
65. You can't survive on
chocolate alone.
66. They're more filling than Yoo-Hoo.
67. They'll beg to be let in.
68. Who else will bathroom fence or joust.
69. Self-explanatory.
70. Every now and then is a good time for a stick up.
71. Love is a four letter word.
72. They'll help you study--biology, anatomy, chemistry,
french, russian, roman.....
73. They'll always stand up for you.
74. Personal gardener.
75. If you are cold, they'll warm you up.
76. They are so cute when they blush.
77. Ever seen a man blush? Their ears and scalp turn red.
(I wonder how far down it goes.....)
78. They'll tell you whatever you want to hear.
79. They're excellent windbreakers.
80. They're excellent _wind_ breakers.
81. God might have a problem with it.
82. Its fun to watch men protect their anatomy.
83. Who else are you gonna laugh at?
84. They've come up with their own measurement system.
this
l-----l is six inches.
85. It's not nice to kill.
86. They're ticklish.
87. Who would be the sidekicks for women in the movies?
88. Its fun to watch them get whiplash. (you know, when a
pretty girl walks by)
89. Its cute when a _dog_ slobbers on us.
90. They make the cutest little grunts.
91. They can sing soprano sometimes.
92. They jump when you pinch their butts.
93. They always make you feel smart.
94. They make your room look clean.
95. The thrill of have a live animal between your thighs.
96. They're always ready to do anything.
97. They help you with your counting......while you're
staring at the ceiling.
98. Who else could you steal clothes from?
99. It would be hard to tell Stupid Men jokes without
them.
100. Well, okay.....I guess that procreation thing _is_ important.