What do you call a man with half a brain?

Gifted.

What did God say after creating man?

I can do better.

Husband: Want a quickie?

Wife: As opposed to what? What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?

1. No mind. 2. No business.

Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.

Why are men like laxatives?

They irritate the shit out of you.

How is a man like a snowstrom?

What do you call an intelligent man in America?

A tourist.

If men got pregnant...

abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive through windows

Husband:I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it.

Wife:You wear briefs, don't you?

How do men sort their laundry?

"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."

Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.

I went to the County Fair. They had one of those "Believe it or not" shows. They had a man born with a penis and a brain.

Two guys were strolling down the street when one guy exclaimed, "how sad - a dead bird." The other man looked up and said, "where?"