THE NEED TO CRY
I need to cry so badly
But there's nothing there.
The more I need to cry, the more I feel nothing.
My whole body shakes, my fists open only to clench again.
The sound of my voice is even more painful than the silence it breaks.
Silence: the sound of peace, the sound of calm, the sound of death.
Silence inside of me, silence on earth, silence beyond what we call "reality".
I've given up wishing on stars.
Stars only lie.
By the time my wish reaches my star, it will already be dead.
Dead for thousands of years… silent.
Dead by the will of God, who created those stars.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
I know that God will answer my prayers, in his own time.
I don't think I'm patient enough to wait for His time.
What if I'm not strong enough to wait that long?
What if 'His time' never comes?
I do not doubt the presence of love.
I doubt it's ability to make any kind of difference in a world ruled by hate.
Love can only conquer willing hearts.
But willing hearts only gather in small, weak, clusters engulfed by temptation and pain.
And some day, we will all be gone.
Hate will have won.
There will be nothing left but nothingness.
Silence.
Nothing.
I need to cry.