Scene 1
[The Golden Girls kitchen. Dorothy is seated in the middle seat at the table, Rose to her right, Sophia to her left. Blanche enters] Blanche:How'd y'all like to come to Atlanta with me?
Dorothy:Is something wrong back home?
Blanche:No, It's just that it's Big Daddy's birthday, and he wants me to come out. He said to bring my friends.
Dorothy:That sounds like fun. What do you think, Ma?
Sophia(to Blanche)Your father always makes me feel uncomfortable.
Blanche:How so?
Sophia:All those fake compliments! It's like being backstage at the Miss America pageant.
Dorothy:Oh, come with us, Ma. If you don't, I'll leave you at Shady Pines.
Sophia:What am I, a dog? You'll leave me at the kennel?
Dorothy:That's right, Rover. Are you coming?
Sophia(reluctant)Oh, all right!
Rose:I'll come too.
Sophia(to Rose)Good. That means we won't have to worry about you burning down the house while we're gone.
Dorothy:Oh, but we don't have nearly enough money for four plane tickets to Atlanta. We'd have to put Ma in with the luggage.
Blanche(shrugs)So we'll drive. We've done it before.
Scene 2
[A car driving down a highway.]
Rose's voice:Just let me telll one more St. Olaf story, please?
Dorothy, Blanche, and Sophia's voices:NO!
Scene 3
[The car pulls to a sudden stop in front of Sugarbaker's Design Firm in Atlanta. It's raining hard]
Dorothy(driving)Who was supposed to get the car checked by a mechanic before we left?(Rose sudddenly looks very guilty.)
Dorothy:Rose! The car broke down! Did you forget to get the car checked by a mechanic?
Rose(in a small voice)Yes, Dorothy.
Dorothy(Trying to control her anger)Ok, we'll just ask these people here if we can use their phone to call Triple A.
Rose:Why would we call Alcoholics Anonymous at a time like this?
Dorothy:Triple A, you twit! The automobile club!
Rose:Right, I knew that.
Dorothy:Is anyone coming with me?(Dorothy opens her car door. Others follow.)(Dorothy reads the sign she walks up to the house)"Sugarbaker Design Firm, Julia Sugarbaker, owner"? Well, any port in a storm.(Dorothy rings the doorbell. Charlene answers the door.)
Charlene:C-Can I help you?
Dorothy:Yes, my name is Dorothy Zbornak, and my car just broke down out front. We (Gestures to Blanche, Rose, and Sophia)came all the way from Miami. Could we possibly use your phone to call the auto club?
Julia:Yes, come right in. (Charlene moves to allow Dorothy and the others to enter. Julia offers her hand. Dorothy takes it.)I'm Julia Sugarbaker. (Gestures to Suzanne who sits on the couch) And this is my little sister, Suzanne. (Dorothy and Suzanne shake hands. Others wave greetings.) Over there's Charlene Stillfield. (Indicates Charlene who is working at her desk.) And that's Mary Jo Shively(Indicates Mary Jo, who is sitting at her desk.)Our delivery man, Anthony is out taking some furniture to client.
Dorothy:This is my mother Sophia Petrillo. (Sophia waves. Dorothy walks over to her.) That's Rose Nylund. (Dorothy gestures toward Rose.)
Rose:Hi.
Dorothy:This is Blanche Deveraux.
Blanche:Hi, y'all.
Dorothy:I don't want to seem rude, but where's the phone so we can be on our way?
Julia(Nervous laugh)Of course, it's right over here.(Leads Dorothy to Mary Jo's desk.)
Dorothy:Thank you very much.
Julia:No problem.(She sits down on chair facing door. Mary Jo gets up from her desk and sits beside Suzanne.)
Mary Jo:Mrs. Deveraux--
Blanche:Blanche
Mary Jo:Blanche. It sounded like you had a southern accent. Are you from around here?
Blanche:Atlanta born and raised.
Mary Jo:Why'd you leave?
Blanche:George--that's my husband--and I decided to move to Miami when our kids moved out of the house.
Mary Jo:Oh.
Dorothy(hangs up phone)The lines are down because of the storm.(Gestures toward the window to the storm. As if on command, thunder claps.)Is there any way we could wait out the storm here?
Julia:Of course. We'll just wait till Anthony gets back. He'll straighten this mess out.
Suzanne:I'll bet he can--What's that word?--hotwire the car for ya. He's been in prision.(Suzanne smiles, obviously pleased at having "helped")
Charlene:Suzanne!
Julia:M ust you always bring that up? (to the girls)Don't let my sister scare you. He was just imprisioned on a techincality.
Charlene:Speaking of Anthony, didn't he say he was going to pick Bernice up on his way back?
Julia:I think so but in this storm he may decide not to.
Dorothy:Who's Bernice?
Julia:She's an old friend of our mother's. Mother is in Japan, so we look after Bernice for her.
Suzanne:Let's be honest. The woman's a fruitcake!
Julia(sarcastic)Thank you, Suzanne, for that enlightened observation. (to the girls) Sit. Make yourselves comfortable. (Blanche sits opposite Julia. Rose walks to Julia's desk.)
Rose:Ok if I sit here?(Rose sits)
Julia:I have everything organized there, so don't mess anything up, but go ahead and sit.(Dorothy sits on the other side of Suzanne so Suzanne is between Dorothy and Mary Jo. Sophia walks around behind the couch and stands.)
Blanche:Big Daddy!
Julia:I beg your pardon?!
Blanche:That's what I call my father. We came here to visit for his birthday, and he's probably worried sick by now!
(Suzanne takes a compact from her purse and begins applying makeup as if no one else were there.)
Sophia(Looking at Suzanne's reflection in the compact)Blanche, she uses almost as much makeup as you do!
Suzanne:I resent that! I was Miss Georgia World 1975!
Sophia(mocking)Pardon me, Miss America!
Dorothy:Ma! These ladies were nice enough to invite us to stay here during a terrible storm and all you can do is make insults? (to Suzanne) I'm sorry you had to hear that. You see, my mother had a stroke some years ago and it left her completely OBNOXIOUS!
Sophia:At which point, she put me into a rat-infested excuse for a nursing home called Shady Pines.
Dorothy:Ma! There were no rats at Shady Pines!
Sophia:What did you think those little black things running around were? Really small puppies?
Julia(quickly)So, how do you girls know each other?
Dorothy:Oh, Ma, Rose and I all rent Blanche's house in Miami. What about you guys?
Julia:We all work here at Sugarbakers. Mary Jo's our decorator. Charlene's our office mangager, Suzanne's our bimbo front person, and I'm kinda the leader.
Charlene:Leader? Julia, you're the Terminator!
Rose:Funny, you don't look a thing like Arnold Swartzinegger.
Charlene:It's true. Did y'all know that Julia once ran over a newsstand across the street because it sold pornographic magazines?
Dorothy:Ran over? Like in your car?
Julia:Well, yes I guess I do tend to be quite vocal about some things.
Suzanne:Julia, What'd you just call me?
Julia:I said you were our front person.
Suzanne:But you called me a bimbo! I'm not a bimbo! Remember the time you let me do Design House?
Mary Jo:Suzanne, you burned it to the ground!
Suzanne:But it wasn't my fault!
Blanche:So, Suzanne, did I hear you mention that you're a beauty queen?
Suzanne:Yup, I was Miss Georgia World
Rose:Back home, I was Butter Queen!
Blanche(sighs)Oh, Rose, nobody wants to hear about some dopey beauty pageant you won back in St. Olaf.
Charlene:Where did you say you were from Mrs. Nylund?
Rose:Oh, please, call me Rose. I'm from St. Olaf Minnesota.
Charlene:Is it a small town?
Rose:Oh, yes! We didn't have a road until 1959!
Charlene:Sounds real rural, like where I come from. I'm from Poplar Bluff, Missouri. Suzanne's always callin' me a hick 'cause I come from a big family in a small town. I have ten brothers and sisters!
Blanche (leans over to Dorothy and whispers)Oh, God she sounds like another Rose!
Dorothy(also whispers)Blanche, be civil. We don't have to like them. We just have to be nice since they're letting us stay here.
Blanche(reluctant)Oh, all right!
Julia:So, Dorothy, what do you do for a living?
Dorothy:I'm a teacher.
Sophia:Substitute teacher. You might've been able to be a real one if ya hadn't gotten knocked up in high school!
Dorothy:Ma, when are you gonna stop bringing that up? And besides, I married Stanley didn't I?
Sophia:Yeah, and then after 38 years, he left you for a stewardess!
Mary Jo:I'd kill Quint if he ever did that to a girl. (Pause) Oh, Quint's my eight-year-old son. Hey, Dorothy, I guess you and I have somehting in common.
Dorothy:OH, what's that?
Mary Jo:We were both dropped for younger women by our husbands.(Anthony, who's black, enters with the elderly Bernice)Anthony:Hi, y'all. You'd never believe how bad the roads are out there! It was just awful--
Blanche(shocked)Y-You're black!
Anthony(Looks at his hand in mock surprise)Why so I am, how 'bout that!
Blanche:I'm so sorry! I just--When Julia mentioned--(sighs)I assumed you were white.
Julia:Anthony, this is Blanche Deveraux, Blanche, this is Anthony Bouvier, our delivery man. And this is Dorothy Zbornak.
Anthony:Nice to meet you.
Julia:This is Dorothy's mother Mrs. Petrillo.
Sophia:Hi.
Anthony:Mrs. Petrillo.
Julia:And over at my desk is Rose.
Rose:I've always wondered. Do black people wear sunblock?
Dorothy:Rose!
Julia:These women are here because thier car broke down. Do you think you could help them?
Bernice:Maybe we could call a friend of mine from Hillcrest Lesuireland. His name's Floyd and he's a really great mechanic, unless your car is from after 1949. Is it?
Suzanne:Of course their car is newer than that! Did you mess up your medication again?
Bernice:Oh, no, I never take medication. I'm afraid it'll do somthing to my mind.

Sophia(Whispers in Dorothy's ear)And you put me in a home?!
Anthony:Ok, I'll go out and have a look. I learned a few things about cars during my unfortunate incarceration. I'll be back as soon as I can. (Anthony leaves.)
Bernice:Isn't Anthony something? He's my son you know.(Dorothy gives Bernice a *look*)
Julia:She has an arterial flow problem above the neck.
Sophia(shakes her head)No, I'd say it was drugs.
Dorothy:Ma! Enough with your insults! These women just opened up their home for us! Be polite!
Mary Jo:Hey, Mrs. Petrillo, did you know that Bernice is very popular over at Hillcrest Leisureland Retirement home here in Atlanta?
Sophia:Who cares?
Anthony:Well, Ms. Zbornak, your car's in full workin' order.
Dorothy:Hey, that's great! Come on girls, we don't want to worry Big Daddy any more than he already is.(Blanche rises.)
Blanche:Suzanne, honey, we ought to exchange addresses. We have a lot in common--We're both 35! (Both Dorothy and Julia give Blanche *looks*)I bet I could give you advice on men.
Dorothy:Just be warned: you'll need a good sturdy mattress to take any advice on men that she gives you. She's been had by half the men in Miami.
Julia:Please! If sex were fast food, there'd be an arch over my sister's bed!
Charlene:Gee, Rose, we ought to exchange phone numbers. I'd love to hear more about St. Olaf.
Dorothy:You have lead a very sheltered life, haven't you, Charlene? Come on Ma!
(Sophia does her litle run over to Dorothy. Rose an Blanche follow, walking. All leave, saying goodbyes.)