Scene 1
The girls livingroom in Miami. Dorothy, Sophia and Rose are there. Blanche comes in from outside with the mail.
Blanche:Bill, bill, Oh, here you go, Sophia. This one's for you. It's from the Bronx. (Hands her letter.) Who do you know there?
Sophia:It's from my friend Ida! You remember her, don't you Pussycat?
Dorothy:Yeah, the Jewish friend of yours. She had two daughters, didn't she?
Sophia(Nods)Brenda and Rhoda. It says here that Rhoda moved back from Minneapolis finally, and not only that, but she just got married! Boy, Ida must be so relieved!
Rose:Why is that such a relief?
Dorothy:You don't know Mrs. Morgenstern! I remember when Rhoda and I were kids. All she ever said was, "Meet a nice boy and settle down so I can have grandkids someday." I think Rhoda moved to Minneapolis just to get away from her!
Sophia:Ida sent plane tickets! She says she wants me to meet her son-in-law. (Begins to remove tickets from envelope.)One, two, Three? Oh, it says in the letter that's in case you might be married.
Dorothy:Sublety isn't her strong suit, is it?
Sophia:Can we go, Dorothy?! Can we go?!
Dorothy:Since she sent the tickets, I don't see why not. When are we going?
Sophia:It says here she's expecting us next weekend.
Dorothy:Ok, who wants the extra ticket?
Rose:Miles wants me to go to his daughter's wedding. It's important to him.
Dorothy:How 'bout you, Blanche?
Blanche:Hmmm....The Big Apple's just crawling with men! Cabbies, Struggling actors....Ooh, sounds like fun!

Scene 2
The girls house in Miami. Dorothy walks from her bedroom to the livingroom.
Dorothy:I just got off the phone with Mrs. Morgenstern.
Rose:Oh, what did she have to say?
Dorothy:She's looking forward to Ma meeting Joe. I guess she's been waiting so long for a son-in-law, and now she's going to show him off.
Blanche:What did she say about my using the ticket?
Dorothy:I had to spend twenty minutes reassuring her you were just a friend!
(Blanche laughs)

Scene 3
An airport in New York several days later. Sophia approaches a waiting Ida.
Ida:Sophia!
Sophia(Simultaneous):Ida!(Both run to each other and hug. Blanche and Dorothy walk up.)
Ida:You must be Dorothy.
Dorothy:In the flesh! (They hug.) This is my friend Blanche. (Indicates Blanche)Blanche, Mrs. Morgenstern. Mrs. Morgenstern, Blanche Deveraux.
Ida(Looks Blanche over.):You're a slut, aren't you?
Blanche(Shocked):I am apalled!
Ida:I'm sorry if I offened you.
Blanche:Oh, it isn't that. I just can't believe you could tell so fast!
Ida:A mother always knows.
Blanche:A mother always knows what?
Ida:I don't know, but a mother always knows.
Sophia:Enough chit-chat. I wanna meet this son-in-law of yours! I hope he's better than the yutz of a son-in-law I had!
Ida:I remember Stanley. Believe me, Joe's much better! C'mon, let's go meet Martin.

Scene 4
Rhoda and Joe's apartment in Manhattan several minutes later.
(Intercom buzzes. Rhoda moves to answer it.)
Rhoda:Yeah, Carlton?
Carlton(drunkenly):This is Carton your doorman. Your parents are on their way up along with three women I've never seen before. I'm not too sure, but I think one of them put a curse on me in Italian!
Rhoda(laughs)Thanks, Carlton.(Turns off intercom. Walks over to Joe and puts her arms around him.) That must be Mrs. Petrillo. I hope you like Ma's friends.
Joe(Kisses her on cheek):Don't worry. I'm sure I will. I love your family!
Rhoda:Even my mother?
Joe(Thinks a minute before answering.):Only in small doses. (Both laugh) Don't you think you should call Brenda to tell her your folks are here?
Rhoda:I almost forgot!(Goes to phone, dials.) Hiya, Bren. It's me. Carlton just buzzed to say Ma and Pop are here with Mrs. Petrillo.
Brenda:I'll be right up.(Both hang up. Knock on door.)
Rhoda(As she goes to door):Brenda's faster than I thought!(Opens door. Ida, her husband Martin, Sophia, Dorothy, and Blanche are there. Rhoda hugs Ida, then Martin. Everyone enters.)
Sophia:How's my favorite newlywed?(Hugs Rhoda)Where's your sister?
Rhoda:Fine, and on her way up.(Walks over to Dorothy)Dorothy!(They hug.)
Dorothy:Rhoda, I'd like you to meet my best friend, Blanche Deveraux.
Rhoda(Offers her hand, Blanche takes it.):Dorothy's told me so much about you!
Blanche(Glaring at Dorothy):All good, I hope. Remember, I could raise your rent.
Rhoda(laughs):Don't worry, it was. I hope Carlton didn't give you too much of a hassle.
Blanche:Just let me say this:That was the first time a man undressed me with his eyes and I didn't enjoy it!
Martin:Don't worry, Rhoda. I heard Sophia curse him in Italian.
Sophia:I said he would wake up tomorrow with a terrible hangover.
Rhoda:I hate to break it to you, but I think that would happen even without your curse! (Knock on door.) Come on in, Bren!
(Brenda walks in.)
Brenda:Hi, everybody.
(Ida takes Brenda by the hand and leads her over to Blanche.)
Ida:Blanche, I'd like you to meet my unmarried daughter, Brenda.
Brenda:Ma!
Blanche(Chuckles and offers her hand.):Nice to meet you. I'm Dorothy and Sophia's friend. Name's Blanche Deveraux.
Brenda:NIce to meet you, too.
Ida:Okay, now we got that out of the way! (Grabs Dorothy by the hand and leads her over to Joe.) Dorothy, meet my new son-in-law, Joe Gerard. (Whispers in Dorothy's ear):Is he something or what?
Dorothy(laughs and offers her hand.)Nice to meet you. I'm Dorothy Zbornak.
Joe:Nice to meet you, Dorothy.
Ida(Pulling Sophia over next to her.):Joe, I'd like you to meet my good friend, Sophia Petrillo.
Joe:Mrs. Petrillo.
Sophia:So you're the lucky guy who married Rhoda?
Joe:I like to think so, yes.
Sophia:You should have heard all the things Ida said she was going to do if Rhoda didn't hurry up and get married soon!
(Joe laughs. Dorothy walks over to a table and picks up a photograph.)
Dorothy:Rhoda, who's this?
Rhoda:Oh, that's my girlfriend Mary from Minneapolis. Dorothy, do you have any idea what it's like to have a best friend who seems to have better luck with men than you ever will?
Dorothy(Looking in Blanche's direction.):Oh, I think so.(Dorothy walks over to Brenda) So, Brenda, any new men in your life?
Brenda:Unless you count the numerous blind dates Ma has fixed me up with, no.
(Dorothy laughs.)
Ida:Well, I guess we'd better go. I'll bet Rhoda and Joe have better things to do. (Winks in Rhoda's direction.)
Rhoda:Ma! They don't have to leave! (Rhoda opens her mouth to say more, but Dorothy grabs her by the arm and leads her away from the others.)
Dorothy:Do you know how lucky you are?
Rhoda:Huh?
Dorothy:Well, my mother never pushed me to give her grandchildren. That's probably because when I was 17, I went to a drive-in movie with Stanley Zbornak, and came back pregnant. Thirty-eight years later, he dropped me for a stewardess. You've got a great husband you wanted to marry instead of having to marry him. Honey, I know your mother can be annoying, but just think about that next time you're angry with her.
Rhoda:I never thought about it that way. (Both walk back toward others.) Ma, I'm sorry, but do you really think they have to leave?
Ida:Well--
Martin:Ida, come on. The kids can do those, uh, things another night.
Ida:Oh, I guess so.