A Guide For Dieting Under Stress

This diet is designed to help you cope with stress buildup during the day.

Breakfast

• ½ grapefruit
• 1 slice whole wheat toast, dry
• 8 oz. skim milk

Lunch

• 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
• 1 cup steamed spinach
• 1 cup herb tea
• 1 chocolate chip cookie

Midafternoon Snack

• Rest of the chocolate chip cookies in the package
• 2 pints rocky road ice cream
• 1 jar hot fudge sauce
• Nuts, cherries, whipped cream

Dinner

• 3 loaves garlic bread with cheese
• Large sausage, mushroom, and cheese pizza
• 4 cans or 1 large pitcher of beer
• 3 candy bars

Late Evening Snack

• Entire frozen cheesecake eaten directly from the freezer

Rules For This Diet

1. If you eat something and nobody sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy are cancelled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
4. Foods used for medicinal purposes never count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, and cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are a part of the entire entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel, such as chocolate covered raisins, malted milk balls, and buttered popcorn.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Foods left on the plate by your children do not count if you eat them during meal cleanup.
9. Cookies that are dunked in milk also have no calories. The process of dunking, drowns calories.
10. Food licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples of this are: peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
11. Foods that have the same color have the same calories. Examples of this are: spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate. *Note: Chocolate is a universal color and may therefore be substituted for any other food color.*