...you ever used lard in bed.
...you own more than three shirts with cutoff sleeves.
...you have ever spray painted your girlfriends name on the
overpass.
...you consider a six pack of beer and a bug zapper quality
entertainment.
...your life time goal is to own a fireworks stand.
...someone asks to see your I.D. and you show them your
belt buckle.
...your mother does not remove the Marlboro Light from her
lips before
telling the Patrolman to kiss her a**.
...the primary color of your car is Bondo.
...directions to your house include " Turn off the paved
road ".
...your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
...you owe the taxadermist more than your annual income.
...you ever lost a tooth opening a beer.
...you see no need to stop at the rest stop because you
have an empty milk
jug in the car.
...you have a rag for a gas cap.
...your dog can't watch your cat without gagging.
...you have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of
your truck.
...you have ever bar-b-qued spam on a grill.
...you have ever had to scratch your sisters name out of
the message " FOR A
GOOD TIME CALL _____________. "
...REDMAN CHEWING TOBACCO CO. sends you a Christmas card.
...your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
...you prominently display gifts you bought in Graceland.
...your house does not have curtains, but your truck does.
...your front porch collapses and kills three dogs.
...you have ever started a petition to have the national
anthem changed to
"FREE BIRD".
...you call the boss, "DUDE".
...you think VOLVO is part of a woman's anatomy.
...you consider your license plate "personalized" because
your Father made
it.
...you have ever been fired from a construction job because
of your
appearance.
...you need one more hole punched in your card before you
get a freebie at
the House of Tattoos.
...your father encourages you to quit school because Larry
has an opening on
the lube rack.
...you get an estimate from the Barber before he cuts your
hair.
...after making love you have to ask your date to roll down
the window.
...anyone in your family has ever worn a tube top to a
wedding.
...your family tree is a straight line.
...you own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
...you have ever worn a cowboy hat to church.
...you have a picture of Johnny Cash or Willie Nelson over
the fireplace.
...you still have an 8-track tape player in your truck.
...you have sunglasses that are mirrored on the inside.
...you have ever barbecued in the back of a moving truck.
...your idea of safe sex is a padded headboard.
...you think BMW are the call letters for a radio station.
...you own a belt buckle that weighs more than three
pounds.
...your all time favorite movie is Cannonball Run.
...you have any relatives named Elmer or Bubba.
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