I didn't get in until 11:30 last night so I'm a bit tired. I fumbled around for something to wear and found this old pink pants set - little pink pants and a matching top that buttons down the front and has some lace trim. Perfect for casual Friday and I'm not up to looking any further anyway. I hang the outfit on the hook for this morning and go to bed. I overslept this morning (of course) and had to dress in a hurray. I grabbed the first pair of underwear I could find and then realized all my comfortable bras were in the wash. I instead grabbed a short stretchy tank. Finally on my way out the door I had to decided what to do about shoes.

Now, if I had half a brain it would have been pale pink ankle socks and my Keds but Noooooooooooo! I had to grab my little summer flats! I hate wearing them with bare feet and then I remembered I had this box of colored knee highs (knee high stockings). Sure enough, PINK ones! Hey, this must be my lucky day! So, I grab them and run down the stairs and put them on. As I run back and forth I realize they are sliding down my legs (something I despise with great passion). I look at the clock and notice I'm going to miss my train if we don't leave. No time to look for something else. In desperation (and here's where it gets not only funny but embarrassing) I grab 4 Band-Aids! Well, I knew I couldn't staple them to my legs and duct tape would show through my pants so bandaids would have to do! I simply didn't have time to think of anything else. Something had to hold up my knee highs until I got to the office.

Now, just picture me sticking Band-Aids on my legs to hold up my stockings on the way to the station. It must be the hormones, I've never done anything like this in my life! Although I think everyone has had some kind of insane moment which would allow them to relate to this experience. So, there we are driving to the station and aren't I just as pleased as punch with myself for having beaten the sagging knee high beastie. I finally arrive at the station, get out of the car and you won't believe what happens. The band aids give out on me! Now, if they were real band aids I bet the idea would have worked. Unfortunately, all I could find were my Flintstones Band-Aids. It was good in theory anyway. I take two steps when I feel the first one give! Oh my! What do I do now? Start walking funny of course.

I very gingerly make my way up the stairs thinking if I can only get them to hold out until I get on the train then everything will be alright. Suddenly there is a slight snap at the back of my leg and well, you guessed it, there goes band aid number two! The little pink stocking instantly slid down my leg leaving me with old lady bunched up hose at my ankle!

I'm mortified! Nothing could make me feel worse than this (well, what do you expect from a drama queen?) I wait till the other commuters pass by me and I try to stick it back up my leg. I take two steps and down it goes again! Oh God! The humiliation! I look around to see that no one is watching and I step behind this storage box and as quick as a flash I take the knee highs off and stuff them in my bag. The Band-Aids still clinging to my legs beneath my pants - a constant reminder of my shame!

Don't let this happen to you I say! Never ever put your faith in knee highs that have been in the drawer for a long time. And believe me, Band-Aids don't work. I find myself left to wonder about many things now. For example, would duct tape have been better? And why couldn't I have just started out with my feet bare in my shoes - it is summer after all. Am I that much a product of my environment then? I could not leave the house with so much as a few inches of bare leg? And finally, will the Islanders ever win another Stanley Cup? AHA! That was just to see if you were paying attention.

I have survived this tragedy as I have done so many others that came before it. Only, now, I am much wiser and would like to believe that I would never in my life be arrogant enough to try and defeat the dreaded knee highs again. I now know beyond all things, the answer to one of the greatest mysteries in the universe………No one can defeat the falling knee highs! And you 'd have to be a fool to try!