Sarah

There was a time when she was beautiful, truly beautiful. A time when she was younger, before the world had changed her. When she was innocent and unaware, a time when she was trusting and full of pure unselfish love.

Not that she was old now, she had only just turned thirty. Only on the inside did she feel old although to her, upon a glance in the mirror she would swear she looked as old as she felt. There were times she felt so tired that it seemed to ooze from every pore. Her eyes were once so full of life only now one would have to know to look to find what used to be so obvious at first glance.

Mindlessly she stood before the sink, washing the morning breakfast dishes, just like she did every other day. Her thoughts wandered to another place and time as she gazed out the window above the sink. So much of life's joy had been stolen from her and at such an early age. This was her life now. She would wake up each day and live it over and over again. Make the breakfast, pack the lunches, get the kids off to school, send her husband off to work then begin her day of mind numbing chores. She would complete whatever daily chore she scheduled herself, she would decide what to make for dinner, shop for groceries, pick up the cleaning, pick up the kids, run them to activities, make the dinner, do the laundry, tidy the house before bed and then she would sleep.

Each and every day it was her life. Honestly, she had so much to be thankful for. She had a decent man, a lovely home and two wonderful kids so why feel so cheated? She really was blessed but felt so unfulfilled? Her life was picture perfect, she even had an adorable puppy which even now slumbered peacefully in its tiny bed. She glanced over at the sunny corner where the puppy slept and sighed.

She pulls her hands from the sink to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear. Almost finished with the dishes she squeezes out the sponge and rising up from the suds come some tiny bubbles. The bubbles tickle her nose, causing her to sneeze. She places the last of the dishes on the rack to dry and lets the water run down the drain.

She straightens up and gives herself a good stretch. Taking one last look at the puppy she turns and leaves the kitchen to start her day.

In a way, this was her favorite time of day. She would actually have some time to think and to dream. No matter how old she grew, she would always dream. Sometimes she would remember. She would look back upon times in her life when she felt alive and happy.

It was a day to dream. She walked out the double French doors and into the morning sun. She crossed the yard to a bench in a semi-shaded corner of the rose garden. The trellis above was covered with wisteria and climbing rose was woven up through the lattice on either side of her. It was her favorite place to spend time. She kicked off her shoes and sat there silently running her toes through the blanket of cool grass beneath her. The grass was still damp with morning dew but the eastern corner of the yard would become gradually warmer with the morning sun.

Dappled sun light shone down from a brilliant blue sky through trees where cardinals sang. She thought about the cardinals and envied their ability to sore through the skies and sing of life and love as she knew they must be doing.

A shuddered passed through her as her memories began to surface. She could feel her memory there beside her as if it had taken on shape and form and substance. She slowly raised her hand up to her shoulder, as if to place her hand over that of her lover.

He had been there once, now, always, he had been there. He was alive and real and solid. He had been a part of her life, he had loved her, and she had loved him. Not that she didn't love her husband, he was a kind and gentle man but it was not the same thing.

There was a time when she had something so special, so rare, it was beyond the comprehension of others. God, she had loved. There was something so pure in what they had felt for one another. Not time, nor distance, nor life nor death could change what lived within their hearts.

Knowing the truth of what is meant to come from life then going on without it is the hardest thing a person can do. She knew, she knew what life was supposed to be and why God gave us life. We live, we breathe, we feel, we survive, all of it………..for love. She knew what they had between them, even though it lasted only a short while would last a life-time. It was this thing of blinding purity, which still lived deep inside her.

Every morning she sat here upon her bench and remembered. Every morning when she woke from sleep, she remembered and every night when she did manage to sleep, she dreamed. Every dream was of him. So alive, so filled with love and joy and ambition. Nothing would stop them. He was always so filled with faith. They had found each other in all the world they came together, that in itself meant that nothing was impossible.

He taught her to believe in dreams and to never lose faith. Even being forced to live beyond him, she would cling to what he had told her. She believed in him, trusted him still. She would go on and love would reside within her heart and forever his soul was joined with hers.

Time was short and cruel but life will be long and filled with memories. Every precious second is what keeps her going from day to day. Some days she sits here with memories that bring tears but always through the tears comes the laughter for her heart, so full of love can not help itself but to embrace the joy she knew.

She could have chose a life alone, a life filled with bitterness and sorrow but he would never forgive her for that. There will come a day when she will be joined with him before God in heaven so she would do her best to appreciate the life she had, count her blessings and keep him alive in her heart.

Today she would start at the beginning for she had the time. Some days there were only moments where she would carefully select a single memory to focus on but today she had time to relive all the best of it.

There were rare occasions when she would try to remember the end but it was hard for her even after all the years that had gone by. It was still too painful. She tried to convince herself that he was on his way back to her, still alive and she was only waiting.

It was June of 1985, and she was a girl of 18 with life laid out at her feet. The world was hers, she could have it all if only she would reach out and take hold of it. She was on the edge of graduation and planning for college in the fall. Somewhere between girlhood and womanhood but knowing she could be anything she wanted, nothing could stop her. Standing on the steps of the school wearing her cap and gown and thinking how wonderful the summer would be.

A voice called out to her and Sarah turned and smiled. "Life" she thought, "Oh, what an adventure this will be!" and off she went to start her life. Never knowing why but never doubting it was going to be something special and beyond her dreams.

She was a beautiful girl though she didn't think so. She was the girl next door that went unnoticed until she smiled. Her smile would light up a room and her laughter was infectious. She was somewhere in the world of average. Not tall, but not short, not thin but far from heavy, just somewhere in the middle.

She had long fine brown hair that upon closer inspection displayed highlights of red and copper. Having already spent too much time in the sun this year, tiny freckles were dusted across her nose and cheeks. Overall, she was the average eighteen-year-old until she took off the sunglasses preparing to walk the football field with her classmates. She had the most amazing eyes. They were overly large and expressive and the most brilliant green he had ever seen. She laughed at something her friend whispered in her ear and her laughter was music to him.

Maxwell Alexander Collins was instantly, hopelessly, madly in love. He stood riveted to that spot until she turned the corner of the building and disappeared from his sight. Her name was Sarah! He never knew a sound so overwhelming as her name. Sarah! It echoed over and over in his mind until finally, in the softest whisper it escaped his lips so that only his own ears could hear it. The instant he heard the sound made of his own accord he knew she was his destiny, his future.

Max shook himself for his mindless daze and ran down the field to stand close enough to see and hear as the graduates stepped forward to receive their diplomas. After endless waiting he heard the principal call out Sarah Louise Matthews and he watched the girl of his dreams rise from her seat and walk forward. As Max watched Sarah time seemed to move in slow motion.

He marveled at the smallest of things about her like the way she looked all around her and smiled at everyone and the way her hair moved in the breeze. "Sarah Louise Matthews, your life will never be the same."

The next morning when Sarah awoke there were a dozen long stemmed American Beauty red roses on her front porch with a note addressed to her. The note said,

My dearest Sarah,

You don't know it yet, but you're going to marry me!

Sarah looked around and not seeing anyone walked back into the house. She read the note again and laughed. It was probably just one of her friends playing a joke on her. An expensive one but what else could it be. She put the roses in some water and placed them on the dining room table and got ready to leave for the day.

Sarah was to meet a friend for lunch later that day but decided to take a long walk in the park with her dog so off she went. Sarah walked into the park, removed the leash from the collar of her German shepherd and threw the Frisbee. The dog ran off and caught the Frisbee and pounced on it in the grass across the field feeling very proud of his accomplishment.

Clapping her hands she shouts to the dog, "Here boy, come on, bring it back to me" the dog looks up at her, barks and wags his tail. "Come on Maxx, come over here, I haven't got all day" she calls out and the dog rolls over in the grass choosing to ignore her in favor of a few more minutes of play time. She continues to call out "Maxx, come on!"

Just beyond the bushes, Max is sitting on a bench sunning himself and reading the paper. He hears her voice and thinks "It can't be her, it just can't be". He had been wondering how to approach her since dropping the roses on her doorstep and running off like a coward. It was as if God stepped in and gave him an easy opening.

Max silently approaches Sarah just as she yells out to her dog one last time in a much more frustrated tone "Damn it Maxx, when I call you I expect you to come!" Max standing behind her replies, "I got here as quickly as I could Sarah."

Sarah jumps at the sound of his voice not realizing anyone was anywhere near by. "Excuse me?" She looks at Max disinterestedly and whistles for her dog.

"You called my name Sarah, I definitely heard you call my name so I came to see what you wanted of me." Max grinned thinking to himself he couldn't have asked for a more perfect opening.

Sarah starts to walk toward her dogs and stops suddenly, "Just how did you know my name and what are you talking about? I was calling my dog Max not you."

Max laughed and stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. She turned once more to face him "You don't understand, it's me, Max, I mean, my name is Max and I thought….."

Before he could continue Sarah began to laugh and said "Oh, I see but that still doesn't answer my other question, how do you know my name?"

Max looked thoughtfully down at his feet searching for an answer and decided to go with the truth. He took one deep breath to gather his courage and blurted out his answer "I was at your graduation yesterday and I made it a point to learn your name."

Sarah simply smiled at him thinking he was actually kind of cute even though he was obviously nervous. Come to think of it, that's what made him cute! "Oh, I see, but why did you go out of your way to learn my name?"

Taking one more deep breath Max replies, "Because, I'm in love with you."

"That was very good" Max thought to himself, "simple and to the point………….Oh my God, did I really say that?"

Sarah almost unconsciously replies to Max's bold statement, "What an odd day I'm having. Why just this morning someone left roses on my doorstep and….." she pauses and a look of discovery crosses her face, "It was you!"

Max just smiles, grabs her by the shoulders and before she knows what hit her he kisses her right there in the middle of the park. Sarah loses herself to the kiss, she never felt this way with a man before. There was something so different, so intense about it. She could swear she felt it in her toes. Just as quickly as the kiss began, the kiss ended. Max had turned her loose and backed away from her.

She opened her eyes and tried to speak but there were no words. Max just smiled one more time, "I AM going to marry you Sarah Louise Matthews, you'll see." And he turned and walked away.

Sarah could hear his footsteps fade as he got further and further away. She was stunned. She didn't know what to think. She should think he was completely insane but she was already half in love with the man. Finally, her Max came trotting up to her, wagging his tail and he barked once more. She bent down to pick up the Frisbee and scratched his head.

"Thanks a lot Maxx……………Max??? Now that is strange, a man with the same name as my dog appears out of nowhere to tell me he's going to marry and then walks away?"

Seeing nothing else to do Sarah turns to take Maxx home.

Just outside the park Max leans against the fence for support trying to get his breathing under control, "She must think me insane, how could I have been so arrogant with her, she'll hate me?" He groans and starts off for home……….