Feelings

By: Elizabeth Dunn

Disclaimers: All characters contained herein aren't mine, much as I'd like them to be :)

Author's Notes: Unbetaed, so I apologize in advance for any errors that were allowed to slip through the cracks. This is a sequel to 'Fever' and 'Flushed.'

**********

Dan loves me.

I still can't believe it. No matter how many times I try, it still seems so...unreal. It completely throws me that I didn't even see this coming. That I didn't do what any sane straight man would and run screaming from the hills. There has to be a reason, something that keeps me here, sorting through the confusion of my own mind.

He said he'd wait for me. Wait for my decision. That he'd be there for me no matter what. Could I be so brave in his place? Could I honestly risk my *heart* on a gamble that has no real guarantee of winning? Or does he know, somehow, how this will end up? Then he knows more than I do.

Why am I even considering this? All of my life, I've been attracted to women. Fell in love with them, married one. But suddenly, one look, one word, from Danny makes me want to reevaluate my sexuality. Makes me want to discover if I want to try loving another man. And shocking myself with the directions that I suddenly find my thoughts turning. I have *never* thought about another man in a sexual sense--until now.

This is crazy! I should pick up the phone right now. Call Dan; tell him I'm flattered, but.... Just like turning down a woman. Okay. For some reason my body isn't obeying me. I should call him, but I can't. This whole situation is odd.

Oh, shit. I just realized that I *like* what I'm thinking. Danny and I, together, it makes sense in a way. We're close, compatible, and affectionate--wait, I'm not thinking this. I am *not* considering having a relationship with Danny Rydell, my best friend, my best *guy* friend. But I am. And I *like* the thought, no matter how much I try to hide from it.

In one of the last big fights Lisa and I had, she told me that I hide from myself. That I refuse to see what I want or need and that was what was driving her away. I never really believed her, never really thought of myself as the oblivious type, until now. For how else could I have missed the fact that, somewhere along the way, I managed to fall in love with Dan? And love it is. There's no other label I can put on it. I love Dan. I am *in love* with Danny. Somehow, it doesn't seem as bad as I originally thought. No, it seems more like something that was supposed to happen, but had been thwarted by some outside force, has finally found completion. Like some big hole in me I never knew existed had been filled. And it feels good.

Now suddenly it seems easy to reach for the phone. Like I can't even help it, have no control over it. It's easy now, to dial Danny's number, and wait for him to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Danny."

"Casey. Hi."

"I need to talk to you."

"You sound like you haven't slept."

"I haven't. I've been thinking."

"All night?"

"All night."

"What do you need?"

"I need you to come over. I'd go over there, but I don't feel up to driving."

"No, stay right there. I'll be over in half an hour. Casey?"

"Yes?"

"Just tell me this--are you going to tell me something good?"

"Well, *I* think it's good. You'll have to judge for yourself."

I can almost hear Danny's grin. "Good. Good. I'll...be right over." He hangs up before I can say goodbye.

I reach up and feel my face. Yep, there it is--a grin the size of New York--the state, not the city. I'm happy too. So happy, that I think I'd forgotten what happy even felt like until now. I can't wait until Dan gets here so we can be happy together.

**********

Dan rang the bell precisely fifteen minutes later. Casey let him in, grinning. "You must've broken every traffic law out there," he joked.

"Not really. Well, yes," Dan corrected himself at Casey's disbelieving look. "But can you blame me?"

"Not really," Casey smiled.

"So, we need to talk."

"I think so."

"Do you love me?"

"Boy, you like to cut to the heart of the matter."

"Saves time. Do you love me?"

"I...yes, I do."

Dan grinned. "Well, that's settled then. What now?"

"I have some ideas."

"Really?"

"Wipe that grin off you face, Danny. Not *those* type of ideas."

"Oh."

"You sound disappointed."

"Not really. Actually, I don't know." Dan sat and looked at his hands. "Do I disgust you?"

"What?"

"No me, actually. The idea of sleeping with a man. Does it disgust you, Case?"

"No. Why would you think that?"

"Because you don't want to sleep with me."

"Danny, I do, but...."

"*But*?"

"But I never put out without going on a date first."

Dan grinned. "Is that all?"

"That's all."

"One date."

"With you."

"You've got it." Dan stood up again. "Where would you like to go?"

Casey laughed. "Can you wait half an hour so I can get cleaned up?"

Dan smiled sheepishly and nodded. "Sure." He paused for a second and said, grinning evilly, "You sure you want to wait? Doing it in the shower can be fun."

"You. Stay here."

"But Casey, thinking of you in the shower, naked...how can I just stay here and do nothing?"

"Easy. You move, forget it. Nothing will happen."

"You're cruel, Case. Real cruel."

Casey shouted over his shoulder as he walked into his bathroom, "And don't you forget it!"

**********

A couple of hours later, they were sitting in a booth across from one another at one of New Jersey's many diners. Dan was staring at Casey and Casey was staring at his hands. Not able to stand silence any longer, Dan said, "A date. We are on a date."

"Yep."

"Feels weird."

"Yep."

"But good, you know. Right."

"Yep."

"Did you see that? A UFO just abducted a family of four."

Casey looked up. "Dan, what on earth are you talking about?"

"Ah, so you are still alive. Just wanted to make sure you were paying attention."

"I was, kind of."

"'Kind of?'"

Casey seemingly changed tangents out of nowhere. "Do you think I'm an oblivious person?"

"Of course you are. Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering how I could've missed something so obvious for so long."

"Easy. You weren't looking for it."

Casey started shredding a napkin. "Doesn't this scare you at all?"

"No."

"Well, it scares me. How many times have you dated a friend? Started a relationship with one?"

"Never."

"Exactly. I did, once. Before I met Lisa. We had been best friends all through school, then I asked her out to our sophomore homecoming dance because neither of us had dates. We started dating after that. One night, we had this huge fight and broke up. We fought all the time when we were just friends, but that time it was so much more...personal, I guess." Casey looked straight into Dan's eyes. "It was never the same after that. We were civil to each other, but the friendship...that was gone forever. I don't want that to happen to us. And you can't say it won't. It might."

Dan grasped Casey's hands in a firm grip, as if trying to keep him from running away. "I understand your fear, but I don't share it," he stated firmly. "We have been through as much shit together as many committed couples. And we survived it. I believe that we can survive anything together. Do you?"

"I want to. I just don't want to see this go to hell."

"It won't. Not if we both hold on tight and refuse to give up and give in."

Casey squeezed Dan's hands. "I'm holding. Just make sure you're there to catch me if I slip."

"I will. Just like I know you'll be there for me." They released each other's hands just as the food arrived. Dan picked up his fork and said, "I don't know about you but I'm starving."

Casey smiled. "Me too. Now eat up, you're going to need your strength."

Dan, who was drinking coffee at the time, nearly choked. "What...what do you mean by that?" he sputtered.

Casey gave him an innocent look. "Well, you didn't think breakfast was the end of our date, did you? I have a lot more activities planned."

"Indoors or outdoors?"

"I was thinking outdoors, but you might be able to change my mind."

Dan ran his finger lightly up Casey's arm, causing him to shiver. "I accept the challenge." He turned his attention back to his food, letting his long looks speak for him better than any words could.

Halfway through his omelet, Casey couldn't keep acting casual any longer. In a low whisper he said, "I'm not very hungry anymore. Are you?"

Dan smiled. "Nope. I think it's time we left."

**********

Forty minutes later, Casey pulled to a stop. Dan looked around. Nothing but trees and rocks for miles around. He looked at Casey and said, "You know, Case, when you suggested that we leave, I thought you had a different destination in mind."

"Like where?"

"Like...somewhere indoors and private. With a bed."

"You have a one-track mind, you know that?"

Dan leered. "Don't I know it."

Casey sighed, trying his best to look annoyed. He gestured to the view outside the windshield. "Take a look at that. Nature's beauty everywhere."

Dan glanced out, then returned his gaze to Casey. "Nice, but I prefer the beauty in here." He moved towards Casey and pulled him close. Still making eye contact, he moved in for a kiss, which Casey returned eagerly. They kissed for several minutes, until Dan pulled back, leaving a dazed and floored Casey. Smiling, he asked, "So, you still want to admire scenery?"

Casey started the engine. "Hell, no. Do you think you can make it back to one of our apartments?"

Dan considered. "How far to the city?"

"About an hour, hour and a half."

"Not good enough. Either you find us a place to hole up in...twenty minutes max., or we just stay here and I'll take you now."

Casey threw the car in reverse. "I know of a place not too far away. I think we can make it."

**********

Two hours later, Dan and Casey were lying in post-orgasmic glow. Dan turned on his side to look at Casey. "I thought you never slept with a guy before?"

"I never have."

"That was one hell of a blowjob from someone who claims to never have done anything like that before."

Casey raised an eyebrow. "Are you complaining?"

Dan snuggled closer to Casey. "No way. You'll have to do it again sometime."

Casey yawned and pulled Dan closer. "I will, again, and again, and again...."

The two men fell asleep."

**********

The end