Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

• Austin: How do I tell them that because of the unfreezing process, I have no inner monologue. I hope I didn't say that out loud.
  
• Austin Powers: Allow myself to introduce... myself.
  
• [Entering the Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swingers' Club] Austin: This is my happening and it freaks me out!
  
• Austin Powers: Judo trip!
  [Austin and Vanessa watch as the guard is decapitated.]
  Austin Powers: Not the time to lose one's head.
  Vanessa: No.
  Austin Powers: That's not the way to get to the head of a major corporation.
  Vanessa: No.
  Austin Powers: Not very head strong, was he?
  Vanessa: That's enough.
  Austin Powers: Right.
  
• Vanessa: Oh Austin, that's you in a nutshell.
  Austin Powers: No, this is me in a nutshell: "Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this nutshell?"
  
• Austin Powers: Au contraire baby, you can't resist me.
  
• Austin Powers: That's not your mother, it's a man, baby!
  
• Austin Powers: You must admit she is rather mannish. Really, if that is a woman she must have been beaten with an ugly stick.
  
• Austin Powers: That really hurt! Who throws a shoe? Honestly!
  
• Austin Powers: Why take the stairs when I have a perfectly good canoe right here?
  
• Austin Powers: Actually, my name is Austin Powers. Danger is my middle name.
  
• Austin Powers: You're shagadelic, baby! You're switched on, you're smashing!
  
• Austin Powers: It's freedom, baby, yeah, baby, yeah!
  
• [On being told that the West has won the Cold War]
  Austin Powers: Groovy. Smashing. Yea, capitalism!
  
• Austin Powers: So what exactly do you do, Number Two?
  Number Two: That's my business. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the little boys' room.
  
• Austin Powers: And then smoke started coming out of their jumblies. So I started to work my mojo, to counter their mojo, then we got cross-mojination and their heads began to explode.
  
• Austin Powers: Oh behave.
  
• Austin Powers: I won't bite... hard.
  
• Austin Powers: I'm just trying to get a rise out of you, that's all! For shits and giggles!
  
• Austin Powers: When you see this jet-a-rockin', don't come-a-knockin' baby! Yeah!
  
• Dr. Evil: When I get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... people die!
  
• Dr. Evil: Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers
  Scott Evil: What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?
  Dr. Evil: I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.
  Scott Evil: Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!
  Dr. Evil: No, no, no. I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying. I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan....What?
  
• Dr. Evil: Hello gentlemen. Welcome to my underground lair.
  
• Dr. Evil: I want chicken, I want liver, Meow-mix, Meow- mix, please deliver.
  
• Scott Evil: I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'll be a vet.
  Dr. Evil: An evil vet?
  Scott Evil: No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.
  Dr. Evil: An evil petting zoo?
  Scott Evil: You always do that!
  
• Dr. Evil: In the spring we'd make meat helmets.
  
• Scott Evil: "I don't think he likes me. I think he wants to kill me.
  Therapist: He doesn't really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that.
  Dr. Evil: No actually the boy is very astute. I really do want to kill him.
  
• U.N. Representative: So, Mr. Evil -
  Dr. Evil: Dr. Evil, I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called "mister," thank you very much.
  
• Dr. Evil: You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with freakin' laser beams attached to their heads. Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here!
  
• Dr. Evil: There's nothing so pathetic as an aging hipster.
  
• Dr. Evil: Begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism!
  
• Dr. Evil: Throw me a frickin' bone here! I'm the boss! Need the info!
  
• Dr. Evil: Dr. Evil: I like to see girls of that ... caliber. By caliber, of course, I mean both the size of their gun barrels and the high quality of their characters. Two meanings ... caliber ... it's a homonym.
  
• Scott Evil: Get away from me you lazy eyed psycho.
  
• Radar Man: Well, it appears to be in the shape of a Big Boy!
  Commander Gilmour: Good God! He's back!
  Radar Man: Well, in many ways, the Big Boy never left, sir. He's always offered the same high-quality meals at competitive prices.
  Commander Gilmour: Shutup!
  
• Austin Powers: (Taking Scott Evil Hostage)It looks like the tables have turned again Dr. Evil.
  Dr. Evil: Not really, kill the little bastard, see what I care.
  Scott Evil: But dad, we just had a breakthrough in group.
  Dr. Evil: I had the group liquidated you little shit, they were insolent.
  Scott Evil: I wish I'd never been artificially created in a lab!
  
• Patty O'Brien: They're always after me lucky charms!
  (Dr. Evil and Frau Farbissina laugh)
  Patty O'Brien: Why does everyone always laugh when I say that. They are after me lucky charms.
  
• MOD system: Stage 2: Warm liquid goo phase.
  
• MOD worker: One blue crushed velvet suit.
  Austin Powers: All right.
  MOD worker: One frilly lace cravate.
  Austin Powers: There it is.
  MOD worker: One silver chain with male symbol.
  [Austin raises an eyebrow towards Vanessa]
  MOD worker: One pair of Italian leather boots.
  Austin Powers: Bonjourno Boys.
  MOD worker: One vinyl record album, Bert Bacharach plays his hits.
  Austin Powers: Yes.
  MOD worker: One Sweedish-made penis enlarger pump.
  Austin Powers: That's not mine.
  MOD worker: One credit card receipt for Sweedish made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers.
  Austin Powers: I'm tellin you baby, it's not mine.
  MOD worker: One warranty card for Sweedish made penis enlarger filled out by Austin Powers.
  Austin Powers: I don't even know what this is, this sort of thing ain't my bag baby.
  MOD worker: ONE BOOK!! Sweedish made penis enlarger pumps and me (this sort of thing is my bag...baby) by Austin Powers.
  Austin Powers: oh.
  

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