Below is a copy off the letter I emailed to The Coast's Love The Way We Bitch! column. It was printed in the October 11, 2001, edition of the paper.
So there I was last night going into a bank machine at a mall. As I swiped
my card, I noticed this kid (about 15 or so) hanging around the door. I
nodded at him, and he gave me the "look" - you know the one, the one that
accuses you of the horrible crime of being over 21? So anyway, I use the
machine and call a cab. Glancing out the window, I see that he's still
outside. He looks me right in the eye with that "look" again, and this time
I notice that he is whacking off. WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT?!? Don't the
kids in HRM have anything better to do with their time??? Do they have some
kind of bank machine fetish? ("Aaaaah, money + technology....mmmyeahh!") I
suppose before you're 21 it doesn't occur to you that masturbating in public
is not threatening - it's just plain SAD. I mean, it's like a flashing neon
sign that says you're not getting any, and you'll settle for hauling out
your goods in front of some woman at a bank machine in the middle of the
night. Can you get any lamer than that? Keep it in your pants, boys. Trust
me...nobody is interested in seeing your "little display." Why does this
shit keep happening to me??? (oddly enough, it's not the first time this
happened to me)
- Wank Magnet