"Hey, this kid's a fuckin' geek!"

Ah, the titles one can achieve... anyway, I thought about this for a bit. What makes on person a geek? What makes Quantum-Geeks, Quasi-Geeks, Mini-Geeks, and Half-Breeds?

Being the computer owning, geocities' ass-kissing fools we are, the Gods of Geek have assembled the following check list;

1. Considerable knowledge of completely useless facts.
2. Considerable useless knowledge of the human anatomy(i.e. anything that would not be used during sex or surgical procedures.)
3. Considerable amount of useless knowledge about computers.(i.e. Anything that won't earn you any money.)
4. Own a bitch computer, and get a sick sense of pleasure from it.
5. The innate ability to pull random things and objects from you ass.
6. An obsessive mastery of the english language
7. To the point where you feel you have earned the honour to make up you own rules for it.(i.e. Insisting words that, in the past tense, have an extra syllable be changed to a gentler form; often times permanently substituting other pre-existing words.)
8. Coerce with friends at odd hours of the evening about absolutely nothing.
9. Coerce with friends at odd hours of the evening about changing words to "allow the language its lost fluency."
10. Coerce with people you do not know at odd hours of the evening on the telephone about anything that you feel a Hollingdale or a Smith should know.
11. Fit the word "fuck" into every part of speech possible.
12. Realise that by doing this, you have stripped it of its power to express passion in statements.
13. Don't give a rat's ass if it does or doesn't; you can always make something else up.
14. Use the following phrases consistently in order to keep your audience guessing as to what the hell point you are attempting to get across: "Or some shit"; "You know?"; "And stuff like that"; and "Confucious say."
15. You do things that make perfectly normal sense to you, but freak the hell out of passerby, such as saying ouch for objects you bump into, apologising to them...
16. Complete and total lack of motivation to do anything normal, such as work, eating, breathing, standing upright, speaking intelligibly.
17. Posess the kind of life where, if it were a show on the tele, it would either be a really bad sitcom with no-name actors in it, or be a really good porn with no plot and out-of-context dialogue.
18. Masturbation is a good two-thirds of your life.
19. Smoking and masturbation is a good seven-eighths of your life.
20. Smoking, mastubation, and lying about either are a good fourteen-fifteenths of you life.
21. Smoking, mastubation, not admitting, and drinking are a good nineteen-twentieths of you life.
22. Smoking, masturbation, not admitting, drinking, and hanging out with like-minded people around a computer or bench are a good 99.999% of your life.
23. The other 0.001% you spend thinking about them.

copyright ©1997 the Gods of Geek/Punk, Zombie.

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