I scraped my food into the rubbish bin and then sat back, closing my eyes.
Walker Hanson strode down the hall and faltered outside of Jamie's room. He couldn't. It was his fault that they were hit by the car. If the girls had been with them, there would have been no accident.
"I'm a coward..." he said aloud, holding his head.
Taylor heard his father and cringed. He walked to the elevators and back up to Kris's room.
He walked in and saw her sitting in her chair, facing the window. He strode over and grabbed her by the shoulders.
"This is enough!" he said into her face fiercely.
I just stared right through him.
"Kristen!" he cried, eyes intense.
I finally focused onto his eyes and saw everything.
"You have got to stop this. Isaac is depressive, Zac doesn't know what to do and Dad blames himself for everything. Your dad is hopeless, not knowing how to handle things. And I'm becoming scared that you're not going to be the same ever again!"
I tilted my head slightly. "I'll never be the same again." I said weakly, my voice rough with disuse.
"I know that, but don't let the take over your life! Kris, come back! Help me, God help me!" he shook me hard.
My teeth clacked. "What am I supposed to do, huh?" I asked, my voice getting stronger.
He let go of me. "Get out of here and quit feeling sorry for yourself."
I sat up straight. "I don't feel sorry for myself!"
He gestured around. "You don't call this feeling sorry for youself?"
I shook my head. "I killed her."
He lunged at me and shook me again, angrily. "You did not kill her." he said with clenched teeth. "You. Did. Not. Kill. Her. No one did."
"I did."
He drew closer, and I could only see the fury, exhaustion and fear in his eyes. "You did not. If you did, then I am just as much responsible. Now go out there and show them that it is no one's fault."
I shook my head. "I can't..."
He nodded. "You can and you will. Tell Dad it's not his fault. Tell Ike that Jessica would not have held it against him if he didn't say goodbye. Tell Zac that he's a good kid. God, Kris! Just do something except sit here in misery. Go comfort your dad and tell Jamie that you're still here for her!"
My eyes blurred and again began to water. "I can't, Taylor, I can't!" my chest was tightening. I didn't want to leave my room and face the world. I felt loathesome.
"Kristen! You're strong! Help them! God, I'm going crazy!" he stood and raked his hands through his hair. "Don't do this for me. Do this for Dad, Ike and Zac. For Drake. They're going crazy. They need to see you strong. If you can't be strong, Kristen Harmont, who else can?"
"Jess." I croaked.
He softened. "Kristen. I miss Jessica as well, but I'm beginning to miss you when you're sitting right there. Don't you leave too."
I sat there, hands clenched.
He turned away angrily. "I'm going. Think on it. God knows you've got enough time to do it."