The Infinite Why

So why Queen? Why not, I should ask. Well, almost ten years later since I discovered the band the question still becknells, why do I still like them? Why does it matter if my friends know I like Queen? Why write a webpage? Why do I never update it? The questions could reel forever.

The truth is I had to consider all these things when I had the opportunity to meet Brian and Roger in March of this year. I was given about one day's notice to attend the launch party for the Queen musical We Will Rock You and I was flipping out, for want of a better expression. I had the opportunity to tell my idols exactly what I thought of them, which you would think would be the most thrilling experience for a fan..

But then again, even trying to attempt to express what these guys meant to me was a huge thing. I started to write a letter, but it made no sense. I tried to construct words, but they sounded eeriely like the words of every other fan who's over-read songs to compensate for something in their life. I honestly think this was never the case. Regardless of what I was to say, I know Bri & Rog were probably going to brush me off. Harsh as it is, they're honestly just not interested.

The next day, I went to the launch party. I didn't meet them but I stood a few metres away and I still feel great telling people that I "partied with my favourite band", which isn't EXACTLY accurate since they ran off to the VIP VIP area which barely anyone was allowed. It was this incident, on top of other things that made me realise that whatever I've made this band to represent is purely a permutation of my desire. These guys have just done their job and gotten lots of money, but I've found an affinity with their music and my imagination has taken off from there. It was mostly the music that attracted me, not the lyrics or the imagery. I've been playing violin and piano since I was seven and it was the music moved me quite deeply from an early age.

From becoming a motivational tool to practise, it became a dream and desire to be a rock star (& the desire hasn't exactly died down). I don't know, going into my teens, the band began to mean something else to me. Somehow (and I'm not sure how I exactly managed to do this), I made the band represent passion, drive and desire. For me, it symbolised individualism and later complete embarrassment when it wasn't cool to be different, driven or passionate. As a reactionary thing, I got into a completely different genre of music to mask myself cause honestly, I don't think the people that were around me deserved to know or have access to music that I thought represented me so much. Regardless, I still think it's funny that some middle aged balding gay man in the 80's can express my innermost desires, it's just too weird.

Anyway, so why the webpage? Oh, I think deep down I still love Queen. I wrote most of this when I was in love with them and I was busy masking myself. At the moment I'm into numerous other British new wave bands. The singers usually can't sing and the producers screw up the sound to an insane degree, but I don't really care cause no one's gonna surpass Queen's sound. Regardless it's still interesting comparing technique, sound, approach and style. From these other bands I've learnt that although Queen were a magnificent stadium band, they have quite an awful rapport with their fans, as diehard as they may be. I fear they are selling out, but I probably speak too late.

So any regrets? Any awful aching feeling that you've completely embarrassed yourself for the last ten years of your life by emmersing yourself in the music a completely defunct campy rock band? In a word, no. As well as these qualities that I've gotten out of myself, I've met so many wonderful and amazing friends (and even more wonderful people from them) through this whole thing. I've also found what is my passion lies... it's in the depths of the music industry, in a London office, at the chief executive officer's desk at Parlophone records :D

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