happy happy I do seem
and yet I wish to cut my spleen

god this rips me apart,
all day have I worried, that soon you would depart,
not just for days, or even weeks,
forever
thats something I dont want to happen,
I know I would live if it happened,
but god oh why, why must my mind all die?
Why on and on, must this insane pain go, why do I have to fight, thats all I want to know

lost in my own mind, a list of questions, all sking at once, if they are what to do
I just dont know, I’ll never know, and yet I dont let a bit of this pain show
if, it all crashes, then I am gonna run far away
then I will try start all over, and I will do it all again,
try and build, a life were I can thrive

then, I go and enter, I enter my new life with you, or someone else,
I wonder if it matters, if anything matters, if I am dammed
why would it be, why’d they chose me, what did I do, what do I need to prove,

my eyes all red, I must look dead, the tears are formed, but they dont flow,
they fear me, yet I dont kill, I just let all pain befall me

I probly should fight, and now I wonder, is this something I ask for deep down?
I seem to, bring on all the pain, and again and again I drive it deep,
but then again, I strive to the end, to make my life happy,
I seem to fight on and on, and even through all the pain, my spirit remains
I just wish it could all end, and I could wash away the smile
the smile that looks so nice, you think its great
well gues, what its a lie, a face I hide behind,
so many of my days are bad,
but they can be good, and then they go away, so why try, when I die?

You can bet I wont, try and stop fighting, but the scars will set,
they will never go away, and they shall remain,
the stabbing in my side, it is my way to regain, that slightly startling pain,
Then I just rip away, and it pulls through,
I let all the tears flow, as I watch you go
dont let me be, one of your worries I always heal,
I scar over and over, again and again
staring from the beginning,
ending in the middle, never finishing the race.
It would surly appear as though I was a disgrace
go ahead and judge me, I truly could care less
you think I am trash, well good for you

I go and run away, hide amongst the trees
they seem to be nice and friendly
then I see, they just try to eat me, and they dont care who I am, I am plant food to them
so again I run, boy this all was fun,

dont be suprised to see me dead, for this is a happy little suicidle smile

Richard DeLong 3-25-98