Part one: Apologies

To my dearest, who is now away,
 

I never knew what this was like,
I never stopped to think;
to think about my own foolishness,
to think about my own selfishness.

Regretful am I;

If only I would have thought twice,
If only I would have only used restraint;
nothing would be broken,
nothing would be apart.

Angry am I;

Mostly at myself,
partly at circumstance;
Mostly my fault,
partly my pain.

Defeated am I;

One thing brought me to my knees,
One thing stole my wind;
One moment things are fine,
One moment everything's gone.

Blinded was I;

Why didn't I see that I hurt you,
Why didn't I see that I was wrong;
Actions I can't believe,
Actions I can't change.

Hopeful am I;

My words don't fall on deaf ears,
for only my ignorance and stupidity to hear;
only for them to laugh at me,
and tell me I only have myself to blame.