A Look Back in Rock 'n' Roll History: The Go-Gos Meet The Runaways (with Brief Appearances by Johnny Rotten and Sid Vicious)

by

androchick

In 1978, Jane Wiedlin and Belinda Carlisle (future members of the Go-Gos) went to see The Sex Pistols show in San Francisco. Around that same time (actually, a few years earlier, but this piece plays fast and loose with history!), Charlotte Caffey (another future Go-Go) was asked to join The Runaways; she declined because she had already decided to join the Go-Gos. These things are "factual."

Now, here's what might've happened. . . .

The Go-Go's

(Picture Source: http://www.ee.surrey.ac.uk/contrib/music/go-gos/index.html)

The Runaways

(Picture Source: http://www.ite.his.se/~c95chrha/secrets.html)

Jane and Belinda are cruising along the Pacific Coast Highway in Jane's beat-up Gremlin, headed back to Los Angeles after seeing The Sex Pistols in San Francisco.

Jane: Wow! That show rocked! Those guys are hot, hot, hot....

Belinda: Oh, my! They kinda scared me Jane. I mean, I had fun and all, but there was way too much blood!...I'm afraid I'm gonna get kicked off the cheerleading squad because I missed that practice.....and the pep rally is going on right now, and I'm not there! I'm gonna be in soooo much trouble....

Jane: Fuck cheerleading, B! You know, I'm starting a band, and we really need a singer. You should join us.

Belinda: Well, I don't know....what will you do in the band?

Jane: Well, I'll play rhythm guitar and do some singing, and you know that chick Char? I think she's gonna play lead guitar.

Belinda: Oh, no. Charlotte is such a slut. I think you're totally hanging out with the wrong crowd, Jane. . . . . Slow down! I'm trying to put on my lipstick....These Gremlins have no room in the front seat....

Jane: Char is cool, B. Anyway, all those cheerleaders you hang out with are major sluts.

Belinda: They are not!....Oh, turn up the radio, Jane! I love this song: "Going to the chapel / and we're gonna get married..." Hey, who do you think's sexier? Johnny or Sid?

Jane: See! You're a great singer! [pause] And, you love the Sex Pistols! Why not join us?

Belinda: I dunno. I've never seen girls play electric guitars before.....Everyone will think we're lesbians.

Jane: We'll sing way cool songs, and do, like, some punk thing. You could die your hair green....I think that chick Gina may be our drummer, and she is definitely a lesbian...

Belinda: No way! How do you know Gina's a lesbian?

Jane: Uhhh, because she is always kissing her girlfriend in the hall at school.....and she wears a leather jacket, rides a motorcycle, and has short hair....

Belinda: Eeekk! You lie, Jane! No way! [pause] Hmmm. I think I'd get kicked off the squad.

Jane: If you were kissing your girlfriend in the hall?

Belinda: Noooo....if I joined your band. TheBible says that rock 'n' roll is sinful....I'm just so conflicted.

Jane: B., you are turning way weird! If you don't join our band, you're going to wind up married to some Republican....

Belinda: Oh, that will never happen. Democrats all the way. "Going to the chapel of love...." Did you know that Jimmy Carter is a Christian?

Jane: Duh. [Jane slows down the Gremlin.] Hey! Look over there. It's Sid and Johnny hitchiking! Let's pick them up!

Belinda: I don't know, Jane. What about the pep rally?

Jane: You've already missed it! Besides, this will be fun!

Belinda: . . . And then there's the Bible trivia game after the pep rally. What will my team do if I'm not there?

Jane: They'll probably win. Let's stop....

Meanwhile.....Charlotte Caffey, future guitar player with the Go-Gos, is hanging out at the Whiskey A Go-Go in Los Angeles. She's approached by 3 young women who look very tough and have this teenage delinquent thing going on: Cherie Currie, Joan Jett, and Sandy West (aka The Runaways).

Joan: [to Charlotte] Hey, you! Don't you play guitar? I seen you hangin' out here the other night at that Suzi Quatro show. So, you like Suzi?

Charlotte: [Taken a bit off guard by these three tough chicks] Uh....well, I play the guitar, and yes, I do like Suzi Quatro. [pause] Oh, yeah! I remember you. You stormed the stage....

Joan: Oh, yeah. That was me... [Joan takes a swig of Old Milwaukee from a bottle she's holding.]

Cherie: So, we're starting this band, and we need a guitar player. Do you wanna join us, or what?

Charlotte: Well, I've already kinda joined this other band.....

Cherie: What band?

Sandy: Yeah! What band? [Sandy grabs Joan's beer and guzzles it down.]

Charlotte: Well, we haven't really decided on a name yet....

Joan: Well, that sucks. You're in a band with no name. Hey! [Smiling and playfully punching Sandy on the arm.] You owe me a beer, bitch!

Sandy: Joan, you know I don't have any money! Besides, you still owe me for kicking in money for you at that keg party. [To Charlotte] You should join us. We have a name....The Runaways! We kick ass!

Charlotte: [Suddenly very interested.] Oh, wow. That's a way cool name. Have you all rehearsed?

Cherie: Oh, yeah. We just get together and jam sometimes. We have this great song Joan wrote: [singing and moving in a very provocative way] "Hello, Daddy / hello, Mom / I'm your....." [Joan joins her, and Sandy makes exploding bomb sounds in the background] "ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb!!"

Charlotte: Hmmm......

Meanwhile, Jane and Belinda have pulled over to pick up Sid and Johnny, who have been hitchiking because their bus has a flat tire.

Sid: Oh...look 'ere, Johnny. It's a coupla birds....

Johnny: Sid-naaay!! What the fuck are you talkin' about! Them ain't birds....them's jailbait!!!

Belinda: Hey, you guys need a ride?

Jane: I thought you were scared of them, B.

Belinda: Well, really they're kinda cute, and the Bible says we should help those in need....

Sid: Oh, right! And me mate and meself are certainly in need of some female companionship at this very moment....

Johnny: Speak for yourself, arshole!

Sid: Hey, Johnny....They're offerin' us a ride. I'm fuckin' sick o' walkin'.

Johnny: Well, 'at's true. [pause] Ah, bloody 'ell....I'm in desperate need of a pint!

Jane: We've got beer!

Belinda: We do? Oh, no.....

Jane: Yeah. It's in the back. [To Belinda] I stocked up for the trip back when you were taking a piss at that gas station.

Sid: Look, Johnny! These birds 'ave beer! God bless America!

Johnny: Well, I'll beeee....If I were an American, guess I'd 'ave to say Yee-haaa!

[Jane pops open the Gremlin's hatchback, revealing an entire back seat filled with Old Milwaukee.]

Sid: Bloody 'ell, mate! Look at all this beer.....

Johnny: Oh, look! I think Sidnayyyy's in love. Whatever would your loverly gull Nancy think o' this? [Johnny makes wretching sounds....]

[Sid throws himself into the back of the Gremlin with all the beer; Johnny reluctantly joins him.]

Meanwhile, back at the Whiskey, Charlotte and the Runaways have exchanged names, brief personal histories, and phone numbers. They've found that they have a lot in common (they love rock 'n' roll, they hate cheerleaders, they like keg parties, etc.). Charlotte has bought everyone a round of Old Milwaukee, using her fake ID.

Cherie: Oh [pause] my [pause] God. Don't look now, but Lita just walked through the door.....

Sandy: Damn! I wish she'd quit followin' us around. That chick is twisted!

Charlotte: Who the hell is she?

Joan: She wants to be a Runaway. She plays guitar, and she's pretty good and everything, but she's kinda difficult and has a fuse that is waaayyyyy short....

Sandy: [Making exploding sounds] Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-errrry bomb.....

Lita [dressed head-to-toe in leather]: Hey, girls! What's up?

Everyone: Uhhhh, nothin'.

Lita: Like my new outfit? This guy at the bar told me I was one foxy chick, but I told him to just lay off me, 'cause I was gonna go hang out with my girls! [putting her arm around Cherie] Y'know, I've been tellin' everyone I'm a Runaway. When do we rehearse?

Sandy: Well, Lita, we haven't actually said you can join us yet....I think Char here is gonna play guitar with us.

Lita: What the fuck?!

Joan: Yeah, Lita. I mean, you're really cool and all, but you're more metal than we want right now. You need to find a metal band to join.....You've got this whole Black Sabbath thing going right now, and that's just not us.....

Lita: No fuckin' way! You backstabbing sluts! You told me I could join you!!!!

Cherie: No, we didn't. You just assumed that we'd want you to join us because you wear cool clothes.

Joan: Yeah! [To Lita] And, by the way, where is that guitar strap of mine that you borrowed??? I want it back now!

Cherie: Yeah! And where is that lipstick of mine that you borrowed....

Sandy: ....and that boyfriend of mine that you borrowed....!??

Lita: Well, I'm not givin' any o' that stuff back to you guys unless you let me join the band! [She grabs a beer bottle, breaks it on the table, and starts wielding it dangerously.] Someone's gonna pay fer this....

Charlotte: Oh, shit.....

Meanwhile, Sid and Johnny are drinking beer in the back of Jane's Gremlin. Jane is still driving, and Belinda, having had half a bottle of Old Milwaukee, is happily singing along to a Partridge Family tune on the radio.

Belinda: [Singing.] I think I love you / So what am I so afraid of...."

Johnny: [Moaning.] Oh, gawd.....this is awfulllll, just bloody awwwffuulll.....Someone should put the poor soul out of 'er misery!!!

Sid: I think she's great! [Joining Belinda.] I think I luuuvv you / You are such a cunt.....

Belinda: (Laughing.) That's not the words! You're being silly....This is great Wisconsin beer, Jane....

Jane: So, B. and I are starting up a band! We wanna be just like the Sex Pistols, only nicer, and more melodic.....

Johnny: And sing bloody Partridge Family songs?!

Jane: Oh, no.....But the Partridge Family is kinda cool.

Belinda: Especially David Cassidy! He is sooooo cute!!

Johnny: [Making wretching sounds.]

Sid: [Actually wretching.]

Belinda: Ewwwww! That is sooooo gross, Sid!

Sid: Gimme another beer, B.

Belinda: Only if you promise not to vomit again....

Sid: Okay. I promise to be on me best behavior.....

Johnny: So wha' d'you cunts call this band o' yours??

Jane: Well, we're not really sure yet.

Belinda: [Feeling very giggly after finishing 3/4 of a beer.] The Lesbian Cheerleaders.....that's what we should call ourselves, Jane! [giggle]

Jane: You're drunk.....I thought drinking was a sin?

Sid: Only if you drink alone.....I think that's a lovely name, B. D'you wanna suck me off?

Belinda: [Squealing with delight.] Noooo way....You are soooo bad! [To Jane.] Isn't he cute?

Jane: [Rolling her eyes] Yes, B., he's sooooo cute covered in puke.....

Johnny: Now 'at's what you should call your band. Covered in Puke. "Now, Ladies and Gentl'men, straight from a go-go bar in bloody Californnniiaa USA, I present to you, Coverrrreeeeed innnn Puuukkke!"

Jane: That's it!

Sid: Covered in Puke?!

Johnny: [Singing.] I-I-I-I wanna be-e-e-e-e / Coverrreed in puukke!

Sid: [Joining Johnny.] I am coverrreed in puke / They are coveerrred in puuukke!

Jane: No, no, no...The Go-Gos!

Johnny: Oh, gawwwddddd.....this is awwfuull, just awwfuull....

Sid: D'you lovely ladies know where I might score some smack??

Meanwhile, back at the Whiskey, a bar fight is beginning.

Lita: [To Charlotte] I'm gonna cut you up, you bitch!!

Charlotte: Uh, wait a second. I don't think this is the band I wanna be in anyway....

Cherie: Goddammit, Lita! You'd better quit followin' us around, or we're gonna kick your ass!!

Sandy: Yeah! This is the third guitar player you've scared off this week! What the fuck is up with that?!

[Sandy takes a long drag off her cigarette, and then blows smoke in Lita's face.]

Joan: Barfight!

Lita: That's it! You're all gonna die....

[Joan and Cherie dive under the table, while Charlotte tries to make a run for the door. Sandy and Lita start duking it out. About this time, the manager of the club breaks up the fight.]

Manager: You jailbait!!!! How many times do I gotta throw you outta here! Who let these punks in, anyway?!

Joan: [Coming out from under the table] That's right! We're punks, and we're proud!! If you don't like us, then just deal with it!!

Manager: Good Christ! Get the hell outta here now! You teenage delinquents!

Cherie: We're not delinquents....We're The Runaways!

Joan: Yeah! You can beat us down, but you can't keep us away, 'cause we're The Runaways!!

Lita: Hey! You stole that line from Jezebels [Editor's Note: This Jack Hill movie would later be titled Switchblade Sisters.] I absolutely luuuvvvv that movie!

Joan: Yeah, I know. Isn't it great? Dagger Debs rule!!! Black power!!

Lita: Down with pigs!!!

Sandy and Cherie: [Howling] Aaahhhh-ooooo.... they call us the Diamond Dogs!

Charlotte: Let's get outta here!

[Joan, Lita, Cherie, Sandy, and Charlotte run out of the Whiskey, leaving the place in shambles.]

Jane and Belinda ditched Johnny and Sid after telling them where they could score. They now drive up to the Whiskey just in time to see Joan, Lita, Cherie, Sandy, and Charlotte running out of the club.

Belinda: [Having finished an entire beer, B. is feeling great.] Char! Char! Look, Jane, it's Char and her slut friends!! Let's stop and pick them up!

Jane: Don't you need to get to the pep rally?

Belinda: Fuck the pep rally! We're gonna be rock stars!

[Jane stops the Gremlin, and everyone piles in.]

Charlotte: Floor it, Jane! The bouncers are after us!!!

Joan and Lita: Down with pigs!! Down with pigs!!

Joan: Hey, Lita, you're pretty cool! Wasn't that a rush?!

Cherie: [To Belinda and Jane] Hi, I'm Cherie. [To Belinda] You have great make-up!

Belinda: Thanks! Wanna borrow my eye shadow?

[Jane expertly maneuvers the Gremlin through the streets of Los Angeles, losing the bouncers. They all drive around for awhile, drinking Old Milwaukee and sharing stories of their day.]

Jane: So, Johnny and Sid are waaayyy cool! And, we got a name for our band.....

Belinda: Yeah! Covered in Puke....

Jane: No, B.! The Go-Gos....

Belinda: Oh, yeah. [To The Runaways.] Are you all lesbians?

Lita: Of course....don't you know that girls who play in rock bands are lesbians?

Joan: [Obviously way ahead of her time....] Well, actually, I prefer not to label myself as anything and to embrace the fluidity of sexuality.....

[Blank stares from everyone. An eerie silence pervades the Gremlin.]

Charlotte: [Speaking to break the awkward silence.] Yeah, well.....You know, I think I've decided to join B. and Jane's band. You all are way cool and everything, but I just don't share your fondness for bar fights, teenage delinquency, bad movies, David Bowie, and general rowdiness....

Cherie and Sandy: [Howling.] Ayyy-ooohhh....Young girls / They call us the Diamond Dogs!

Lita and Joan: [Singing.] Rebel, rebel / how could they know? / Hot tramp / I love you so...

Charlotte: I think I'm more of a Partridge Family kinda gal. [She begins singing, and Belinda joins in.] I think I love you .....

Jane: Hey, hey! So, listen to this one: We got the beat / we got the beat / we got the beat / Yeah! / We got the beat....

Charlotte: That is so cool!!

Lita: That sooooo sucks!!

Sandy: Y'know, Lita, if you'd channel some of that anger into music, you would be even more of a kick ass guitar player....

Joan: Yeah! Let's get together and practice in my garage.

Lita: Okay. But first, let's go to the drive-in to catch Foxy Brown! And then we can go and raise some hell at the roller rink....

Belinda: Yaayyy! We're all gonna be rock stars!!