I woke up the next morning to something cold and wet on my hand. Actually, I realized, there was more than one something. I pulled my hand away quickly and my eyes flew open.
Four tiny little wrinkle covered pug puppies were standing on the bed, staring at me. Their sweet little brown eyes were full of mischeviousness as they playfully came charging toward my face. One of them caught me before I could hide under the covers and began to lick my cheeks.
“Stop it puppy,” I cried, sitting up and pushing the dog back. The others must have taken that as their cue to attack, because they all began jumping at me. “Get down you guys!” I called. Nick must have heard my pleas for mercy to his dogs, because he came running in.
“Mikey, Willie, Houston, get down! Out of here!” he yelled in a commanding tone. The dogs snapped to attention at the sound of Nick’s voice and went skittering out of the bedroom and running down the hall. “Sorry about that, Sarah,” he said apologetically. “I came in to check on you earlier this morning and I guess I didn’t shut the door tightly. Oh, by the way, good morning. Are you feeling all right?”
“Good morning Nick,” I replied cheerfully. “It’s ok, your puppies just surprised me. And, yes, I’m feeling fine, thanks for asking. Actually, I think I may be able to walk on my own today.”
“Oh, that’s good,” he said, but he couldn’t quite keep the disappointed tone from his voice. I was beginning to learn that Nick wasn’t very good at hiding his true emotions.
“Not that I didn’t enjoy having you carry me everywhere,” I added quickly, and the bright smile returned to his face. “I think I may just have to ‘sprain’ my ankle so I can be carried around by my gorgeous super hero,” I joked. Throwing back the soft flannel sheets, I threw my legs over the side of the bed and slid down to the floor. “It feels so good to finally stand up!”
Nick smiled at me and hurried out the door for a second. He came back and tossed a towel and a robe at me. “The towel is for your shower, which I’m sure you’re anxious to take because your still a little covered in sand. And, well, you know what the robe is for,” he laughed. “You can take your shower now if you want, or you can come and eat breakfast. I wanted to wait for you to wake up before I ate, so you could have breakfast with me. I don’t usually have company, and I really enjoy having you here. I can wait a little longer, though, if you’d rather take your shower first.”
“Hey, I was covered in sand all night, what’s another hour or so?” I shrugged. “Come on, I bet you’re starving. Let’s go get something to eat.” I dropped the towel on the bed and slipped on his robe. We dissolved into a fit of giggles when I found that the robe dropped about 5 inches below my feet. Grabbing his hand in one of mine and the corner of the robe in the other so I wouldn’t trip over it, I followed him as he led the way to the kitchen.
We traveled down the short hallway and into the spotless white decored kitchen. The clean white tiled counters sparkled and the white tiled floor looked as if it had just been mopped. My guess was that Nick had done some early morning cleaning. In the corner of the kitchen, by a glass door that led to a wood deck overlooking the beach, the four pug pups were sleeping piled on top of one another in a little cloth doggie bed. They were the picture of peacefulness, and even the sound of Nick and my bare feet on the tile didn’t wake them from their sleep.
Nick and I must have looked like quite the pair; me in his oversized T-shirt and three sizes too big robe, and him in a pair of loose fitting dark green boxer shorts and tight fitting white tank top that showed off every muscle of his well-toned abs. But it didn’t matter one bit to either of us.
“Ok, I have ummm,” he voice was muffled by the cupboard he was rummaging through, “Cheerie-O’s, umm, Golden Grahams...Let’s see, Cookie Crisp, and Special K...That last one is BJ’s. I wouldn’t touch the stuff with a ten foot pole,” he smirked, making a face. “I would have gone to the store, but I didn’t want to leave you alone with the killers,” he gestured towards the puppies in the bed.
“That’s ok,” I answered. “I’m not a big fan of cereal, but I’m so hungry right now, that I’ll eat almost anything...Except that Special K. I need my cereal with flavor. If I wanted to eat cardboard, I’d go grab a box.”
He chuckled softly at my reply. Now it was his turn to realize that we held the same sense of humor. “You got that right. Well, I think I’m going to have some Cookie Crisp. I need my daily dose of morning sugar, it’s the only way to deal with how crazy the day can get,” he explained, pulling two bowls from an overhead cupboard and two spoons from a drawer directly underneath it. “Have you decided what cereal you want?” Nick inquired before burying his head in the refrigerator in search of a gallon of milk.
“Well,” I said slowly, eyeing the boxes set out on the counter, “I guess I’ll have the Cheerie-O’s.” Nick emerged from the fridge with milk and a bottle of orange juice. Returning to a cupboard, he produced two glasses and then proceeded to load all the breakfast items he had gathered into his arms. I hurried over to help him, grabbing the boxes of cereal, the bowls and the spoons. By the time I had the rest of the stuff in my hands, Nick was already in the dining room, pouring the orange juice. I set the things I had down on the table, and Nick came rushing over to the chair he wanted me to sit in. He pulled it out and gestured to me to sit down. I sat down slowly, gathering the robe up, as he pushed the chair close to the table. I was stunned by how gentlemanly he was, but his sweetness hadn’t surprised me one bit. He proceeded to set up the table, and he even filled both of our bowls with cereal. After everything was set out, Nick started to sit down when he suddenly seemed to remember something he had forgotten.
“I’ll be right back,” he explained as he disappeared back into the kitchen. He was gone but 10 seconds when he once again emerged holding a frosted glass vase containing a single, red rose. “I picked this for you this morning from the potted rose bushes my mom set out on the side of the deck,” he said. “She kept complaining that I didn’t have enough color out there, so she finally broke down and bought me the roses. She takes care of them more than I do, but I have to admit that they really do look nice out there.”
I was speechless. “Thank you so much Nick,” I said softly, and I could feel my eyes begin to fill with tears. To hide the tears, I pulled the vase close and lifted the rose toward my face so I could smell it. Nick watched me the whole time and when I glanced up to see if it was safe to let go of the rose, he caught a glimpse of my tear-filled eyes. Getting up quickly, and almost knocking his chair down, he hurried over and knelt down next to me, and put his arm around my shoulders. That sweet, understanding act sent me over the edge. He hugged me and I buried my face in his shirt and sobbed. Freeing his hand and reaching over to lift up my chin so he could look into my eyes, Nick carefully asked me what was wrong. Oh no, I though to myself, he must think he did something wrong. I want to let him know that he’s doing everything right and that I’m starting to fall in love with him, but I don’t know if I can do this whole love thing again. What if he doesn’t love me and is only concerned about me because he hit me? I don’t want another broken heart. And besides, why would anyone like him ever fall in love with someone like me? I’m so plain, so boring; I’m a nobody straight from nowhere.
“Are you...I mean, umm, did I make you cry?” his tongue stumbled over the words as he chose each one with extreme caution as to not upset me further. “Did I go too far with the rose?”
“No,” I explained slowly, “it’s something else. You’re wonderful and you’ve done everything right. I don’t think I’m ready to talk about the whole thing yet, but in time, I promise I will tell you why I got so upset.” I pulled away from him and wiped the tears from my eyes. “I think I’m going to go take that shower now. Do you mind?”
“That’s fine,” Nick replied cheerfully, “I’ll clean up in here and take mine as soon as you are finished. After that, we can do whatever you want. I have the day off, so we can talk about it later. You have everything you need, right?”
“I think so. I’ll be out in a little bit...Thank you Nick, for everything. You don’t know how much this all means to me.” I turned and hurried to the bathroom.
Once in the bathroom, I shut the door, locked it, and then fell back against it, exhausted from the fight with my inner emotions. I wanted to tell Nick everything, all of the terrible things that happen everytime I fall in love with someone. I wanted to tell him how I was falling for him, and how I had to fight it back. There were so many things I had kept secret from everyone; Rachel, my family, and I even tried to keep them a secret from myself, locking them away where I thought they could never hurt me. But painful memories don’t just up and die that easily, and you can’t hide them away forever. Sooner or later, they re-surface, and you need someone to help you deal with them. I wanted that someone to be Nick, but I wasn’t ready to admit the hidden secrets to myself, so how could I admit them to someone I barely even knew? I couldn’t, not yet anyway, but I knew that in time, as I had promised him, I would be able to tell him everything.
My shower took surprisingly little time. Pushing aside the shower curtain and reaching for the towel Nick had given me, I stepped out and dried off my entire body before wrapping the towel around myself. I carefully eased my way to the door and listened for a minute before I opened it. I nudged it out and the sound of distant running water drifted in, and I knew Nick had already begun his shower. That gave me some time to fix my hair. I realized I didn’t have my make-up with me, but after surveying myself in the mirror, I decided that my complexion didn’t look too bad, and that I’d be able to wait until we got a chance to stop back at my condo to put some on. Besides, it’s not like it didn’t all wash away yesterday, I thought, and he seemed to like me just fine without it.
After a brief search through some drawers, I found a blow dryer and round brush that must have belonged to BJ. I didn’t think she’d mind if I borrowed them, so I plugged in the dryer and finished drying my hair. Even with out my spray gel, the humidity in the air weighed down the little frizzes in my hair, helping to keep it smooth on the top. When I was satisfied with the way it looked, I shut the door again, just in time too, as the water had just shut off and I had a feeling Nick would soon be out to see if I was ready. Slipping off the towel, I rummaged through the shopping back sitting on the counter and pulled out the underwear and sundress that PollyAnna and BJ had purchased for me the night before. I quickly slipped on the bra and panties and then held up the dress to inspect it. It was made of a light, soft, shimmery powder blue material printed with large widely spaced light teal and lavender flowers. I slid the dress over my head and let it fall down over the rest of my body. It was a perfect fit. The bottom of the skirt fell around my ankles and the side slit rose to just below my knee. The low cut neck fell in the right place as well, and emphasized my cleavage in just the right ways. And the waist clung to my hips in a flattering manner. In the back, the slim straps laced together several times and then were fastened to the back, showing off my well sculpted shoulders. I again surveyed myself in the mirror. BJ had made the perfect choice, and her taste was simply fabulous. She knew just what to get to help me look my best, and thankfully she seemed to want me to make a good impression on her brother as much as I wanted to.
I again opened the door and this time, stepped out onto the cold tile. Just as I was turning the corner to make my way into the living room, I came face to face with Nick. I cried out in surprise and we bumped lightly into one another. Nick dropped the newspaper he was carrying and grabbed my arm before I fell backwards. “I can’t believe I almost knocked you over again!” he exclaimed. “We really need to quit running into each other like this.”
Steadying myself, I laughed softly at his joke and then looked up at him. I had to do a double take to remind myself that the gorgeous creature standing in front of me was really there, and not some apparition. Nick looked simply angelic fresh from his shower. His blonde locks were gelled and sort of messily criss crossed on top of his head. He was wearing a light tan and coffee colored checked collared shirt over a tight white undershirt and baggy tan cargo shorts. In his hand, besides the newspaper, he was also carrying a tan fisherman’s hat and a pair of black Adidas slides. He leaned down to pick up the newspaper and his gold anchor necklace fell out from under his shirt. After he had gotten the paper, he tucked the chain back under his shirt and slid the loose gold bracelet encircling his left wrist to a comfortable position. “Wow!” he breathed, “You look really nice.” And there came the blush again when he realized his voice tone in paying me the compliment.
Spinning around to model the dress, I thanked him for the compliment. “You don’t look so bad yourself, there,” I replied, straightening the collar on his shirt. Arm in arm, we walked out to the living room and sat down to discuss the plans for the day.
“Kevin called while you were still in the bathroom getting ready,” Nick explained to me, as he took my hand in his, almost as if it was second nature to him. “He and the rest of the gang decided to have a barbecue tonight and they wanted to know if you and I could come.” He smiled mischievously, “And Howie wants your friend Rachel to come too. He said he liked the sound of her voice over the phone when he was talking to her last night, and according to Brian and Allison, they were doing some serious flirting over the phone. Leave it to Howie,” he laughed.
I grinned at him. “That sounds great, baby.” My hand suddenly flew to mouth in surprise when I realized what I had called him. I sat nervously for a few seconds to see his reaction, but it felt like an eternity. It took him a minute to realize what I had called him, but when he did, he moved my hand away from my mouth so that he was now holding both my hands.
“Honey, you can call me baby anytime,” he said confidently, and then pulled me closer and put his arm protectively around my shoulders and held me tightly. I leaned my head against his shoulder, slipped one of my hands into his free hand and sighed deeply. I had never been happier, but why did I have this nagging feeling that something terrible was going to happen?
Maybe because everytime I had fallen in love with someone something terrible has happened. A mental rundown of my past loves revealed that every single one of them hadn’t worked out, and it was so often for a tragic reason. Hector had been the only man I had wasted my time loving who had never loved me back. All the others loved me, but that love and my love in return just wasn’t enough to keep them with me. And everytime, with each one, it was if something terrible was destined to happen. I had had lots of small two, three week relationships that ended normally with the usual dumper and dumpee, but my only long term relationships always seemed to come to a disasterous close. Zach, Chris and Jason came most readily to my mind.
Jason had been depressed for many months and had talked about suicide. I laughed at him, telling him that it was absurd and that he’d never do such a thing. I never took time to tell him how important he was to me or how much I loved him. He was my friend for the time being, and I thought that in time, when he got over that silly notion of killing himself, that maybe we could become something more than friends. But when I came to pick him up for a doctor’s appointment, I found him in his bedroom, dead, with an empty bottle of pills next to him. I couldn’t erase that image or my guilt. I had the power to save him, but I stood by and watched my friend slowly kill himself inside, until he finally physically killed himself.
Now what about Chris? Chris had been my boyfriend for a few months and he was a very skilled jet skier. His bedroom wall was covered in plaques and trophies from competitions that he had won. I was so proud of him, and I would always spend my weekends on the beach, either riding with him, or watching him compete. One Saturday, my friend Tammy called me in to take over her shift at the place where we both worked. I had already made plans to go out on the boat with Chris, but I had to call him and cancel. Tammy is really sick, I explained to him, and then I apologized over ten times and promised to make it up to him. I said I love you before hanging up the phone, but his only reply was “whatever.” I felt so terrible over breaking our plans, I cried for hours and no one could calm me down. After I had closed up the ice cream shop, I hurried to the beach to meet Chris and his friends. I saw one truck in the marina parking lot, which I knew was Chris’. So I parked next to it and waited for him to come up from the launch area. I was there until two in the morning, when I finally rationalized that Chris must have been having trouble with his truck and gone home with one of his friends. So I went home and checked my messages. Instead of finding one from Chris apologizing for being so stubborn about my small change in plans, I found several panicked messages from Chris’ parents and some of his friends. They thought Chris had gone out with me and was staying the night at my house. I rushed back to the marina and realized Chris’ boat wasn’t there. The next morning, the coast guard found the boat and Chris’ body near by. They explained that he has slipped while he was trying to launch his jet ski and hit his head on the boat. Because he was knocked unconscious and no one was with him to pull him out of the water, he had drown. Another person I loved had died, and again, it was all my fault, or so I thought.
My only other boyfriend, before I gave dating a rest for fear of what would happen to my next love, was Zach. He and I dated for about a month. Zach was an incredibly popular football player with a great attitude, great sense of humor, and a great body. He was never stuck up or rude, but since I wasn’t a cheerleader, I found it quite incredible that he was interested in me at all. I had heard rumors that Zach enjoyed partying and was becoming kind of dependent on alcohol, but that he was still as sweet as ever and never became an angry drunk or tried to take advantage of anyone. So when he asked me out, I said yes enthusiastically. I couldn’t wait for him to wrap his arms around my waist and whisper sweet little secrets into my ear. For awhile, I steered clear of the parties he went to every weekend, but eventually, I gave in and came with him. Totally out of character for myself, I got drunk when someone heavily spiked the cokes I had brought with me. At first, I noticed the drinks tasted funny, but I didn’t think anything of it, and by the time I realized what was in them, it was too late. I passed out, and Zach’s best friend Marshall had to take both me and Zach home since we were both completely wasted. We dropped Zach off first, and then Marshall took my to my house. He had to quietly carry me in and sneak me into my room. Before he snuck out my window, he snuck a quick kiss...It was really the only thing I remember from the whole night. I told a friend what happened, but somehow the truth was greatly exaggerated and a rumor got around to Zach that I had cheated on him with Marshall. Of course, it wasn’t true, but Zach just didn’t believe me or Marshall. He looked like his world had been torn apart and that he had nothing left. That next weekend, Zach went to another party and drank more beer and hard liquor than he had ever drank in his life. Everyone there with him was so drunk, they never even noticed when he passed out in a bedroom and died of alcohol poisoning. Again, all my fault. I should have tried harder to make him understand it was all a silly rumor. But the truth was, I almost wanted people to think that I was capable of doing something like that, even though I knew I could never do such a thing.
I couldn’t let something so awful happen to Nick. “I’m cursed in love,” I thought to myself, wanting desperately to push Nick away, to keep him back so that we couldn’t fall in love. But something inside me wouldn’t let go of him; as much as my head told me to run away, to leave, to escape, my heart told me that running out on this wonderful man would be a kind of death sentence for myself. An endless life of pure heartache that I couldn’t ever hope to escape.
“Wait, Nick,” I whispered, looking down at our intertwined hands and then back up to his eyes, my eyes plead with him to hear me out and try to understand what I was telling him. I was ready, sooner than I had expected to tell him things I could barely tell even my closest family members. “There are some things you need to know before we get too involved.” I took a deep, faltering breath and related the whole story to him, pausing to steady my voice and wipe the tears from my eyes. “So you see,” I explained, “You don’t want to be with me, something bad will only happen to you. What happened to all my ex-boyfriends is all because of me. And I don’t want that. I care about you too much.”
Nick reached over and wiped away the single tear that ran down my cheek. Then suddenly and unexpectedly, he leaned forward, lifted my chin up and brought my lips to his for the sweetest, most tender kiss I could have ever imagined. He pulled away after a few moments, and looked into deep into my eyes, into my heart and into my soul. “I don’t care what’s happened in the past,” he said tenderly. “All I care about is you and me right here, right now. What happened to those guys is not your fault, just terrible coincidences. And I feel,” he placed his hand over his heart, “deep down in here that we were meant to be together. I don’t normally run into people like that. Call it fate, call it destiny, but whatever it is, it brought me to you and I thank it for that. You are so wonderful, more wonderful than I could have ever hoped. I need you with me,” he paused, “more than I’ve ever needed anyone. I can say that so sincerely, even though it’s only been a day since we met, I feel like I’ve known and loved you forever. No one else makes me feel so comfortable, so appreciated, so loved for who I am deep inside. You have this amazing ability to see past what’s on the outside and focus on what’s inside. That is something precious and that I’ll probably never ever find it in someone ever again. So please, I’m begging you, stay with me for awhile and give us a chance. Don’t let some past coincidences destroy what we have together.”
He looked down, and a piece of hair fell across his face. I pushed it away, and he looked back up at me. He looked so genuine and so sad at the thought that I might not want to be with him. I bent forward and kissed him.
“Nick, if you can handle this, I want to give it a try. You don’t think anything bad will happen?”
“No, baby, I don’t think anything bad will happen. And if it does, we’ll deal. But I care about you too much to let you go.”
“So, does that officially make us ‘an item’?” I laughed.
“It sure does,” he replied, “Now, what do you want to do until 4? That’s when Kev wants us to come over. We can do anything you want since it’s your first day here.”
“Well,” I said slowly, “First I need to go back to the condo and check with Rachel. You two need to meet anyway. I feel really bad, because I’ve already left her alone as it is, and she doesn’t know anyone here at all. At least I have a great new boyfriend here and a bunch of built-in new friends! But she’s alone right now. We need to find out what she’s got planned for today.”
“All right, good idea. Are you ready to go then?” he asked, slipping on his sandals and hurrying to the kitchen to feed the dogs before we left.
“Almost,” I replied. “Where did you guys put my sandals last night?” I called, searching by the glass display cabinet filled with every sort of Beanie Baby you could imagine.
“Over by the front door,” Nick called as he poured kibble into each of the four little bowls. The pugs came scurrying over and attacked the bowls. He knelt down to pet his puppies and then came out and found me by the door sliding on my sandals. “Are we ready?” he asked with a huge, bright smile.
“Yep!” I slipped my hand into Nick’s and snuck a quick kiss as he slid his keys out of his pocket and locked the front door behind us. He escorted me to his green Durango sitting in the driveway, and like the total gentleman he is, open the passenger door for me before he slid into the driver’s seat. He started the car up and immediately, “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana started blasting full volume out of the speakers. My hands flew to my ears and I looked over at Nick and yelled over the music, “BABE? CAN YOU TURN DOWN THE MUSIC A LITTLE BIT??”
He nodded his head and turned the music down to a level we could talk over, and pulled out of the driveway. “Don’t you like Nirvana?” he asked, looking a little hurt at the possibility his girlfriend might not like his favorite band.
“It’s not that I don’t like them, honey,” I said reassuringly, touching his arm. “It’s just that I don’t like them THAT loud.” We laughed, and I could tell he was relieved. “You know where the condos are, right baby?”
“Yep,” Nick replied, as he turned onto a main street. “They’re actually right next to the condos that Howie owns. And, not that far from where we were playing volleyball yesterday. The beach where we were playing was a private beach right outside of the condos the AJ’s girlfriend Danielle lives in. That whole area is private beaches for all of those condos,” he explained. “There aren’t any real boundaries between the individual beaches for each condo, so that’s why no one stopped you. The only boundaries are between the public and private beaches.”
Right after he finished his explanation, I began to vaguely recognize the surroundings. Pretty soon, we pulled up to the lobby of the condos. Nick drove up to the doorman and rolled down his window. “What direction is building C?” he asked politely. The doorman’s jaw dropped as I peeked around Nick and waved hello.
“To your left,” the doorman replied, “Hello Mr. Carter, welcome back Miss Shepardson. Miss Carr was out looking for you last night. She was worried when you didn’t come back. We all were.”
“I know,” I said sweetly, “Thanks for worrying. It’s kind of a long story, but I hope Rachel let you know everything was all right so you didn’t worry all night.”
“She did.”
“Great,” I called as Nick started to pull away, “Bye!” I looked over at Nick, and saw a bit of jealousy flash in his eyes.
“He was flirting with you,” Nick grumbled and then parked the car in front of my building and shut off the engine.
I leaned over the middle console and kissed him softly. “Baby, you have nothing at all to worry about. I am one hundred, no two hundred percent yours.”
“Mmmm, I’m so glad to hear that.” He pulled away, opened his door and then walked to my side of the car to help me out. Arm in arm, we climbed the steps to my condo and knocked on the door. Rachel came to the door and opened it, dressed in her robe and pj’s. Her hair was wet, so I figured she had just gotten out of the shower. She cried out in surprise when she saw Nick standing beside me, holding my hand, and she hid behind the door. “Sarah, can I talk to you for a minute inside?” she whispered.
“I’ll be right back, baby,” I explained giving him a quick kiss, and I stepped inside and shut the door. “What’s up Chel?” I asked cheerfully with a huge smile on my face.