Artist: Cash Money and Marvelous
Title: Find an Ugly Woman / The Mighty Hard Rocker - 12"
Label: Sleeping Bag - 1988
Producer: DJ Cash Money, Joe the Butcher
Proving time and time again that the best cuts are buried on B-sides, "The Mighty Hard Rocker" was the winning flipside of the Philly duo's comedic "Find an Ugly Woman." DMC world DJ champion and arguably the inventor of the transformer scratch, Cash Money, tears this track up on the wheels while Marvelous represents Philly style. This is a great old school party jam.

Artist: The 45 King
Title: The 900 Number - 12"
Label: Tuff City - 1988
Producer: DJ Mark the 45 King
One of the greatest hip hop break records of all time, "900 Number" is a six minute long loop of James Brown's protégé Marva Whitney's "Unwind Yourself." After it was released, it dropped out of sight until it was brought to prominence by Dr. Dre of "Yo! MTV Raps" as the Ed Lover dance theme music. It has since been sampled and rehashed countless times for rap, R&B, and dance records.

Artist: Gang Starr
Title: The Lesson - 12"
Label: Wild Pitch - 1987
Producer: Donald Dee
Back when the now defunct Wild Pitch was a fledgling label, Keithy E MC and DJ 1, 2 B Down released their first single. Keithy drops lyrics on lessons of life over an uninspired beat while DJ 1, 2 B Down adds some played scratches. The record itself is unremarkable, but considering Keithy E MC dissed his Boston crew, moved to New York, became Guru, and later connected with Texas' DJ Premier to form the Gang Starr we all know now, this is an extremely rare and valuable record to own.

Artist: The B Boys
Title: Rock the House / Cuttin' Herbie - 12"
Label: Vintertainment - 1983
Producer: Vincent Davis
The "Microphone King" Donald D rhymes about the attractions of hip hop, breakdancing, and fly females as legendary DJ Chuck Chillout cuts it up lovely over a 116 BPM drum track programmed by Vincent Davis. This collector's item is home to the "rock the house y'all" vocal byte that has been used so much. The B-side is a display of Chuck Chillout's skills as he rips up Herbie Hancock's "Rockit" over a very fast drum beat.

Artist: Beastie Boys
Title: Cooky Puss / Beastie Revolution - 12"
Label: Ratcage - 1983
Producer: Doug Pomeroy, Beastie Boys
"These pussy crumbs are making me itch, maybe I should scratch." Imagine what it would sound like if the Beastie Boys, including then Beastie Kate Schellenback, recorded a prank phone call to Carvel Ice Cream company asking about Cookie Puss ice cream. Add a beat and some scratching that sounds like the "DJ" had just bought a Technic 1200 the day before, and you have the idea of this joint. The B-side is a five minute reggae parody with the Beasties experimenting with an effects rack.

Artist: Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five
Title: Scorpio - 12"
Label: Sugar Hill
Producer: ?
During the same time the Jonzun Crew was making noise over at Tommy Boy records, Flash and the crew put together an up-tempo jam complete with electronic vocode voice box and keyboards. Although not characteristic at all of their style, Flash and the Furious Five still managed to produce a record that hit hard. It was a record aimed strictly at B-boys with lots of funky keyboards and basslines, of which there are several memorable ones, but no rhyming. This track can be found on several compilations, so know the history.

Artist: Masters of Ceremony
Title: Cracked Out - 12"
Label: Strong City
Producer: Maxwell Dixon
In its day, Strong City was one of the best hip hop labels, and the Masters of Ceremony duo of Maxwell Dixon, aka Grand Puba, and his brother were the biggest thing on the label. The track used sparse samples and a funky keyboard bassline. Puba and his brother flipped lyrics in a conversational style somewhat reminiscent of Grand Puba's current style that were much ahead of their time about the early days of New York's terrible crack epidemic. With the help of a catchy chorus of "You are what you are, whatever you are" and samples of "Beam me up Scotty" interspersed throughout the track, this single helped Masters of Ceremony land a deal with 4th & Broadway records, where they went on to release a fantastic — and slept on — album with singles like "Sexy," "Dynamite," and "Master Move." This is a rare 12-inch, and there was a remix as well of "Cracked Out" which is even harder to find.

Artist: The B Boys
Title: Girls Part 1 and Girls Part 2 - 12"
Label: Vintertainment - 1985
Producer: Vincent Davis
Do you remember the phrase "And I'm guaranteed to steal yo' hoe, when I'm on the microphone doing my show" from Brand Nubian's "Steal Ya Hoe"? The sample was of Brother B, one third of the B Boys. The other two members were MC Donald D, who later moved to L.A. and became part of Ice T's Rhyme Syndicate, and DJ Mixmaster T, who replaced DJ Chuck Chillout as the group's DJ. The first of the two parts also had a cut called "Stick Up Kids," but the preferred track was "Girls." The music was basically a drum machine track with some sparse keyboards, setting a background for nursery rhyme style rhymes like, "I went to Spring Valley / I met a girl named Sally / She took me to the store and she bought me leather Bally's," a phrase that later found its way into Stetsasonic's "Girl Named Sally." The rhymes become increasingly descriptive about sex, jealousy, etc. Part two, which was released in a rainbow of different colored wax, was more of the same but more explicit. "I had a girl named Avie / Guess what she gave me / It burnt so bad the doctor's couldn't save me," or "I met a girl named Anna / from Louisiana / she don't want a man 'cause she uses a banana." "Girls" was one of the earliest "dis-a-broad" type records, paving the way for songs like Too Short's "Freaky Tales and setting off a trend in rap that continues to this day.

Artist: Schoolly D
Title: Housing the Joint - 12"
Label: Jive - 1987
Producer: Schoolly D
Schoolly D is one of those artists you either loved or hated. But there is no question that North Philly and the Parkside Killers — Schoolly's ex-gang — didn't raise a punk, which is quite apparent on this track. Over pounding bass kicks, an electric guitar loop, ringing snares, and Schoolly's patented congas, the self-styled Original Gangster gives up the 411 on how he and his DJ Code Money can tear shit up. "Me and Code Money just housing the joint / Ay yo, yo, yo, did you get my point?" However, there's no talk of murder, rape, or robbing on this track; none of that is needed. Schoolly comes off harder than most modern day "gangsters" with an intense vocal tone and delivery that speak for themselves, all of which are complimented by Code Money's ever present cutting of funk bits.

Artist: Bobby Jimmy & the Critters
Title: NY/LA Rappers - 12"
Label: Ruthless - 1988
Producer: Dr. Dre
Taking a break from Ruthless record's usual of gangster music, Dr. Dre produced a series of comedic twelve-inches and eventually a LP for Russ Par, aka Bobby Jimmy. Bobby Jimmy, a former radio disc jockey and comedian turned MC, made records that were essentially parodies of rap hits, and "NY/LA Rappers" has to be his funniest. The song begins with Bobby Jimmy rapping about who he is and what he does over a drum track — "Don't do it for money / Watch the microphone smoke / 'Cause I'm Bobby Jimmy and I am a joke" — but quickly goes into his version of PE's "Rebel Without a Pause," which has "Chuck D" attempting to rap through constant interruptions by "Flavor Flav" finally resulting in "Chuck" yelling, "Shut up! Shut up!" Bobby's second victim is none other than the late CEO of Ruthless records Eazy E. "Sleazy E. rocking non-stop, stealing stereos / 'Bout four foot two eating Cheerios." Some of the other groups that get parodied are Masters of Ceremony and EPMD, but the best one is Bobby Jimmy's version of Ice T's "Colors" — "Coloreds." Classic hip hop comedy.

Artist: The Organization
Title: Big Beats - 12"
Label: Techno Hop - 1985
Producer: ?
You want to know how far back Los Angeles' W.C. goes back? The fact is that on the DL, W.C. has been paying dues before Westside Connection and Low Profile. This is a beat heavy with syncopated TR-808 drums, fat keyboards, and a classic element only a true B-boy can appreciate: beat boxing. Also with WC in the Organization were Cli-N-Tel of World Class Wrecking Cru, Unknown DJ of Compton's Most Wanted, and Tony G, who later worked with Kid Frost. This record is an O.G. gourmet hip hop feast, sounding much more like a New York record by avoiding the dreaded breathing effects that afflicted virtually all L.A. records at the time.

Artist: NYC Cutter
Title: DJ Cuttin' - 12"
Label: Pop Art - 1985
Producer: MM Squared
If you appreciate what hip hop is about and where it originated, you'll love this record. It's strictly an instrumental of hard TR-808 beats over which NYC Cutter rips the fader like a madman, showcasing his skills with a vengeance. He throws in crazy cuts all over the board and smokes the crossfader until it begs for mercy. And oh yeah, NYC Cutter? He's none other than Marley Marl. Apparently Marley succeeded in his wish for this record to be strictly underground because there are very few copies around and most people have never even heard of it. If you see a copy, make sure you pick it up. Or better yet, send it to me.



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