Written by: Can't say on 5/22/98 at 11:27AM.

I'm not expecting anyone here to have any answers for me, but I just wanted to know if anyone else feels this way. I absolutely *despise* my body (my legs in particular). It is so repulsive to me and therefore, I have problems letting anyone be intimate with me. I mean, I think I'm a reasonably attractive person, but I feel like, as soon as a man sees me with my clothes off, he will run screaming in the other direction. I keep trying to improve it all the time, but nothing seems to make me feel better about it. And, you can forget about doing things like going to the beach or even wearing a pair of shorts. Has anyone here ever felt this way?

Replies:

Reply from: An anonymous viewer on 5/22/98 at 11:29AM. i'm sure we all feel that way. in different degress. you should fix your inside, not out. fixing the outside doesn't help your self esteem and confidence.

Reply from: An anonymous viewer on 5/22/98 at 11:37AM. Sometimes it can....

Reply from: ramon on 5/22/98 at 11:48AM. i think legs are the most attractive part of a womanīs body so i could easily bring ya self-steem. `Sometimes, sometimes.. when i take off my clothes I hate my body and you hate it too/ cuz no man, no man canīt stand to see..ī Cynthia Dall `Untitledī on Domino recordings.

Reply from: An anonymous viewer on 5/22/98 at 11:56AM. i'm kind of the same way .. i haven't worn shorts or a bathing suit in years. i feel like a hypocrite because i'm all pro-fat on the outside, but i can't get past hating my own body .. i don't hate it on others at all. just me. i think a lot of people have this problem .. yr not alone.

Reply from: PixiGrrrl on 5/22/98 at 12:09PM. ok, no anon message for me, (this is part of my "Body Image Thereapy") I too loathe me body.....I feel lyke my face is alright, but my figure is all outa-whack......I used to hide myself from my lovers and cry in the shower....but Meg and other friends of mine have got me to begin to LOVE myself for who I am and NOT what I look lyke...it's REALLY REALLY hard, and I fight with myself EVERYDAY about food and eating, but I need to learn to ACCEPT my whole being, because the only person I care about that is disgusted with my body is ME.......Love Yr Self.

Reply from: erin on 5/22/98 at 12:42PM. funny thing is that with the ninety degree temperatures rolling in, i'm wearing shorts and tank tops again, and i have to put up with shit like this being yelled from car windows: "hey! your pits are hairy!" (duh, idiot.) "why don't you shave them, bitch?"

Reply from: panik on 5/22/98 at 12:48PM. I know exactly how you feel......i don't have a totally unattractive body i suppose....i'm not overweight and everything is basically is proportion , yet i completely despise myself....I have a terrible time allowing myself to be intimate with people, and i avoid being touched most of the time.....I think it's even worse being queer because i feel as though other girls have higher expectations than do boys....maybe i'm just intimidated by other women.....i don't know....but i feel as if i'll never get over my insecurities, and they hold me back from so much....

Reply from: An anonymous viewer on 5/22/98 at 2:39PM. I hate when people complain about there body's. Espescially when women complain, not to sound sexist but how many times have I heard people complain about supermodels, and store manicans, and Barbie being to thin and that they are give young women the wrong impression of what there body should look like and yet they still complain about being fat. I say embrace yourself what ever size you are because the only person that has to love you (or at least should) is you.

Reply from: princess on 5/22/98 at 3:02PM. oh my god... i completely know how you feel. i have all these friends telling me how beautiful i am all the time... i have my wonderful best friend who is always telling people that i'm cute and skinny. and during the day, i can walk around and feel normal, but the second my clothes come off, i feel hideous. i don't particularly like my face, but my body is horrid. i wear tank tops all the time but it feels terrible because i hate my arms so much. i put on shorts the other day because it was soooo hot in my dorm. after about five minutes, i ran back to my room to put on my overalls. i'm always such an advocate of people being accepting of their own bodies, but i can't accept mine. christian's going to yell at me for this, but i wish i could just shave off inches from my waist and thighs. i want to run and run until i can't run anymore and when i stop, i want to be skinny, tiny, little, just like i used to be...

Reply from: zeepp on 5/22/98 at 3:07PM. this is so disheartening. i don't even know what to say right now.

Reply from: An anonymous viewer on 5/22/98 at 3:10PM. anon who hates this stuff: are you a woman? or..more specifically, a fat woman? if you aren't, i'm sorry, but you don't know anything about what it's like. i'm almost 300 lbs and 5' tall. it's a struggle to find clothes that fit .. to get up and down .. to walk down the street without being stared at and talked about. it's not so easy to love yourself just like that when your whole life you've been told that you're an ugly monster, that you don't amount to anything. yes, i KNOW that i am a good person and i should love myself, but years of conditioning make that very hard.

Reply from: ray-a with her hairy arm pits and big nose on 5/22/98 at 3:18PM. I know this is way hard.. I completely understand all of you, I've felt that way too, and I know most women do, no matter what they look like, they could be a size 1 or a size 21... But seriously, it's not yr body that's out of wack, it's yr inside, yr self-esteem.. Society's fucked with yr head so much that they convinced you that only this little prototype of the "beautiful woman" is what yr "supposed" to look like... It's hard as hell, but the only way yr ever gonna feel better about yrself, enough to walk around with yr hairy armpits and yr belly rolls, and yr chubby thighs, is if you TAKE BACK YR BODY IMAGE. You gotta find the strength within yrself to say that yr beautiful for who you are and what you look like.. THEN you can go around telling other girls that they have to love themselves, cuz you can't be pro-fat on the outside and hate yrself on the inside, it just doesn't work... It pisses me off so hardcore that society does this to women, it's so fucked up it's unbelieveable... we have a country of wowen that fucking hate themselves, I just think it's about time that it STOPS.. I know it's way easier said than done... but we gotta try... I love you guys, I think yr all beautiful, I think I'M beautiful, just please.. we gotta support each other and be strong... *hugs and kisses* Andrea

Reply from: zeepp on 5/22/98 at 3:20PM. *hi-fives* for ray-a :)

Reply from: blob on 5/22/98 at 3:25PM. right on .. it IS hard to realize that being fat isn't evil. it took me years .. only recently have i learned to actually like my chubbiness. i'll be completely honest, i *do* still have weak moments, but i've gotten to the point where i can push those out of my mind. i also used to be ashamed of my hairy arms and hands .. this kid used to call me "Teen Wolf" nearly every day in 6th grade. but one day i got fed up with it, and when he yelled "Teen Wolf" at me i bared my teeth and snarled at him. he never did it again. ;) but anyhow, hang in there, you guys .. feel free to e mail me if you want ..

Reply from: ramon on 5/22/98 at 9:05PM. i read on HeartattacK *yuck* about a girl named Tess (like my sis!) that does a zine about related issues. If yer interested i can find out. But if yer interested, tell me, for godīs sake.

Reply from: xsarcasmx on 5/22/98 at 9:10PM. ramon: i know tess dehoog (who's the one who did that zine on size-related issues)& her zine is called superfly. she has excerpts on her home page, but i don't think any of them deal with body image stuff in general.

you can email her at flyingtess@gurlmail.com and maybe she'll hook you up.

Reply from: gemma on 5/23/98 at 9:37AM. i can sometimes relate to this stuff actually. i've done alot of work with myself over the past year or so with body issues. in my everyday life, i'm comfortable with my body, and i LIKE my curves, but every so often i just feel bad. yesterday i had one of those days. i was trying on these medevil dresses for grad, and i never felt special in one. and when i went to my boyfriend's, i made him turn off the lights before we did anything... and we are normalling broad daylight kids.. it's not just about my body, or my scars, it's more about how i get upset inside and after awhile, it manifests into my self image. it's a piss off, but it is years of societal training, and to not admit it isnt gonna fix anything, right?

these are somethings i do when i feel bad... all i can say is this is something you have to *work* on.. it takes a while, but you have to breakdown alot of shit and change. everytime you catch a negative self thought, stop, and think of a positive one. try.. whatever works.. it may even just be something like wow, i like my socks but try anything. eventually, you'll be able to just block out the thought before it starts. if you are unhappy about something, change it. i don't mean if you "feel fat" (i hate hate hate that expression) go on a "diet", i mean if you are feeling the blahs, do something to change that.. mine is usually i feel boring.. and so i change my hair. it's just dead cells.. i perm, i dye, i add hair extensions (army and navy 2.99 woo hoo!) i don't cut cuz i'm growing it for now, but yeah.. hair helps me, alot. start making postitive comments out loud. i learnt this one when i was in counselling for my bulimia. i was told that when i wake up in the morning, make a positive self comment.. i know it sounds cheesy and dumb, but if you do it for awhle, it works.. and no one is there to hear you, right? what happens, is it becomes natural for you to say nice things about yrself, which is smthing we want, eh? thats all my help for now.. it's something that we have to struggle through and actively try to change, what else can i say? we all have good days and bad days.. xoxo gemma

feel free to write me if anyone wants to talk about this.

Reply from: An anonymous viewer on 5/23/98 at 2:48PM. top

Reply from: taylor k on 5/23/98 at 3:06PM. I don't know if this would help for anyone else but I found a lot of comfort in deconstructing what society thinks is beautiful and putting it back together in a positive way that fits who I am. For example, I'm basically a twig but I have this little belly and actual curves that by concentration camp-uh-I-mean modeling industry standards would be considered flabby and fat and unfit. But I look back at what was considered beautiful years ago, like how the early Bond girls had bellies, how Marilyn Monroe was a size 14, how all the Renaissance beauties are full etc. What was beautiful then is beautiful to me now. It does take a lot of work to start feeling good about yourself, you really have to ask yourself a lot of vital questions, why do you feel this way? Why is it so important to you to conform to this one beauty myth? And what things do you like about yourself, on the inside and outside. Its such a cliche saying over and over again that its whats on the inside that counts but the reason its become such a mantra is because IT'S TRUE!

Reply from: purrgrrl on 5/23/98 at 3:12PM. when i was in high school, i was way body conscious (aerobics 4 times a week before school at 7am, and many times after school as well as weight training) and it was stupid cause i still felt shit about my body. and i really don't know what happend but after school finished, i stopped the exercise, i stopped shaving bits, and concentrated ON MY LIFE i guess. i really don't know what happened, but over a year or so i stopped thinking about it and now none of that stuff crosses my mind. i don't know my point. exept that it is possible to get to a point where not only do you not care what ppl think of yr body, but it doesn't even cross yr mind as a topic. tho i think in the usa, the culture is way more obsessed with the body image. all i can say, is really truly, it matters nought what others think...those ppl that yel;l stuff about shaving armpits, my god, imagine their lives!! think of them when yr at some rad show having the best time ever, with hairy pits and they're at home witha beer screaming at their kids.....

Reply from: An anonymous viewer on 5/23/98 at 3:12PM. ey, but marilyn monroe was a size fourteen back then, which is a size eight now.

Reply from: An anonymous viewer on 5/24/98 at 12:52PM. Its impossible to find clothes i like in my size. And I feel ridiculous going out in the summertime wearing long sleeves and pants. a lot of the time its just more comfortable to wear pants so i dont have to look at my legs, or wear long sleeves so i dont have to look at my arms when i lean on my desk. i hate it when people go "just go on a diet" cause we all know its not that easy. i've dieted since i was a little kid and all the dietplans and weightloss camps in the world won't keep me thin. its partially hereditary and mostly that food is very comforting.

Reply from: An anonymous viewer on 5/24/98 at 1:20PM. make your own clothes! that's what i do! fuck the stores that don't go over a size 12 by makin yr own!

Reply from: An anonymous viewer on 5/24/98 at 1:28PM. I hate stretch marks! how do you get rid of or prevent stretch marks? I have them all over and I think I would look better without them; they make me feel really self conscious about my body.

Reply from: An anonymous viewer on 5/24/98 at 1:45PM. i've got stretchmarks everywhere too...i guess they appear when you gain or lose wieght in a really short period of time. they don't bother me that much anymore. i used to save up cash to get them removed, until i realized what was really important and i spent it on getting my own apartment and quit obsessing so much. usually though i cover them around if i know i'm gonna be near a lot of people in sunny places with sweaters or tights or whatever. sometimes though i even like the feeling of the ones on my breasts and stuff. i still am sometimes uncomfortable with having them but i'd rather have them than boring white skin without a single mark or imperfection. i love my freckles and birthmarks and scars and i'm trying to do the same with the stretchmarks. good luck.

Reply from: kat on 5/24/98 at 1:48PM. does anyone here make their own clothes? any suggestions on how to get started? hugs and love forever, kat

Reply from: An anonymous viewer on 5/24/98 at 3:12PM. I have stretch marks all over the back of my thigh and backside, and a couple under my armpits and knees. I heard that if you rub vitamin E all over the stretch marks that they'll make them go away but I tried that for a long time and it didn't work. I guess the only real way to get rid of them is to get laser surgery which is expensive. Sometimes I think they make me look hideous and when I go swimming, I'm afraid to get completely naked so everyone won't see my stretch marks; sometimes I like how they feel on my skin, especially the marks that leaves deep grooves on the side of my thigh.

Reply from: An anonymous viewer on 5/24/98 at 3:15PM. i have stretch marks on my tummy. they're like a purplish brown colour..sometimes they're pinkish. i have a few little ones on the sides of my breasts.. i'm getting used to them though. and i think all of you should too. they're a part of you that needs to be accepted like anything else.

Reply from: allison on 5/24/98 at 3:35PM. Hey Janeeta (I think it was you), could ya post that link to One Angry Girl Designs again? That was awesome, and related to this post..

Reply from: gemma on 5/24/98 at 6:09PM. i make some of my own clothes.. or used too. i havent really had the time lately. sometimes i use patterns, sometimes i just guess.. i'm a skirt addict. like, 90% of the time i wear skirts, and i sewed a few this winter, just guessing by lying a skirt on top of fabric and allowing for seams. they looked cool, cuz they were radass fabric (where else could you find a yellow flowered flannel mini in a size ten?) and i would be proud to do that......... just guess, i suppose. i made a dress for a dance once.. i guess my point is its all guess work for me.. and i've NEVER attempted to sew a pari of pants yet

Reply from: a on 5/24/98 at 11:32PM. i have a problem with my body. yeah, so you say, "so fucking what? like yer the only one?" and im fucking sick of people telling me that i complain about my arms or my tummy or my thighs because i want them to tell me im skinney. i know im not fat. i know that to some people my body IS attractive. i know that im an average, curvy, healthy medium girl who's weight has platued at 130ish. i know all these things. that when people look at me they dont see the fat blob i do. i dont complain because i want them to reassure me. i dont complain because i want them to boost my self esteem with compliments. i complain because i know i have a decent enough face, that ive got a good personality, that im smart, that i carry myself well, that i have nice breasts er whatever . . . i complain because i know all these things are great assets but they just dont feel good enough because i look at my arms and i see disgusting bat wings . . . cheesy shoulders, a squishy tummy, lumpy thighs . . . i see these things and it doesnt matter that no one else sees them . . . its not about how society sees me . . . its not about how the people im itimate see me . . . its about how i see me . . . and it doesnt matter what you say or he says . . . when i hear that i have a beautiful body it doesnt matter because i dont believe it and this is about me . . . not you . . . i complain because one day ill get sick of myself complaining and ill do something abouut it.

Reply from: Punkette on 5/25/98 at 0:19AM. i hate my butt!! i really don't care though...my gf says its cute but its big hahaha....oh well :)

Reply from: ray-a on 5/25/98 at 0:51AM. You can prevent stretch marks by rubbing baby oil on the skin in the part of you that might get them... But when it comes to getting rid of pre-existing ones, I have no idea....

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