I once remember an occasion where I was due to present to a very august body
of logisticians at a conference in Birmingham (UK) and the night before had
prepared all my stuff, notes, books and packed my best bib and tucker and my
shiny new shoes.  The next morning bright and early, I set off in my casual
gear - shell suit(!) (I should have kept that for the convention, but it
shrank, I think - I remember it getting tighter) in order to be comfortable
for the journey.  I got to the hotel, went to my room to change and unpacked
my ........... no shoes!!!

In a fit of blind panic, I considered applying Cherry Blossom to my sneakers
(for those who don't realise, I'm not a florist CB is our leading brand of
shoe polish), but worse still, I had none.  What could I do except reach for
the toilet roll.  My slot wasn't until around 10:30, so I had plenty of time
to go out to the nearest vendor of quality (cheap) footwear - they had
nothing in my colour, or wallet size, so I had to repair to the conference
and ponder my fate.  There I was in the latest Fred Armani business suit
from Marks & Spencer with some non-descript, down at the heel sneakers, that
were, when they were babies, white.  I snook into the back of the room
placing my feet well and truly under the table hiding my sneakers behind my
briefcase.  Phew, so far, so good, my cunning plan had worked.  The speaker
before me was droning on about the benefits of Radio Data Terminals in VNA
stores and I was drifting off to that fairy land where delegates go when
they are bored.  Then, all of a sudden, I was on.  I was required on the
podium, the chairman was calling my name.  In my rush for stardom, conscious
of the applause as I strolled nonchalantly to the front, past the serried
ranks of delegates when the applause began to die down and whispers began.
I felt my fly, Phew!, that's OK.  Then it suddenly dawned on me and my heart
sank to my sneakers.

But, like all brilliant speakers ('cos modesty has escaped me once more) I
rose up to my full five foot eight and announced that my ploy to gain their
attention had worked, hadn't it?

So, like all good fairy tales this has a moral.  Turn your weaknesses to
your advantage, or at least be prepared to tell great whoppers in the
process!  Unfortunately, I had no Queen  music to turn to in my moment of
need, but "Save Me" springs to mind as a good entry from now on and perhaps
"Thank God Its Over".  I'm so glad I didn't need "Another One ........."

TTFN

KYA

FT