Unfortunately, due to my (rapidly) advancing years, I don't have the
dexterity (I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous) and mental agility to
remember which is right and left, let alone which button makes his leg go
round and I haven't seen too many computer games that I like enough to
play - solitaire IS VERY exciting, particularly when the little sun peeps
out.

Mrs Jennifer and I bought the Eye soon after it got out and I have only
spent a couple of hours on it - the two boys have spent ages, and got a fair
way.

If I have a complaint (well the doctor says it WILL clear up if I stop
picking) then it's to do with the animations.  I had expected something
absolutely stunning, life like and fluid, but I have to admit to being a tad
disappointed.  The Music (for that is why we really bought it) is something
else - except that Durex keeps on grunting over the music and occasionally
the sound of slapping, swords clanging and shots become a little tiresome.

I know its off topic, but my absolute favourite game is Dilbert (the cartoon
character).  In it there is a session called the "Jargonator" into which you
can put something quite simple like the phrase below;

"Queen are simply the best band in the world"

and transmogrifies it thus;

By adding "Sizzle"

"Queen are importantly, simply the optimum band in the macroenvironment."

And by increasing the punch;

"Queen are, importantly, simply the audio-visual optimal band in the
ponderous macroenvironment."

And by managerialising the text still further;

"Queen are importantly simply the in-your-face audio-visual optimum band in
the educational ponderous marcroenvironment. This is consistent with our
intent of being the dominant leader and is now reflected in a variety of
strategic thrusts and investment programs designed to make a broad-based
attack on the problem."

See what I mean - now you all know where I get it from.

So, back to The Eye.  Is there going to be an oldies version, one where
Durex gets a zimmer, admittedly it would be one with all the latest gadgetry
(sufficient to satisfy even the most ardent anorak), but it would be a zimer
nonetheless.  All the action would take place in an old people's home.  The
baddies would all be those strident nurses who give you bed baths for fun,
the worst penalty being a full bed pan, or having to eat the pre-chewed
prunes ("'cos they are good for you") or having enforced colonic
irrigation - isn't that what the imperialist British Dogs did (Hang on old
chap, you are British) to their unthanking colonies?

As you might, by now, have guessed, The Eye is, for me, a bit of a diversion
away from mainstream Queen.  My dad used to have a phrase which (you have to
listen in Geordie) went "There's no bad beers, just some is worse than
others!".  That's how I feel about computer games in general.

Oh dear how dreary.

Tee Dum

I've managed to resist the blandishments put my way by my two dripping
snatchers - you know the ones;  "Dad would you like a cup of tea?", "Dad why
are you so good looking?", "Dad, do I get my intelligence from you?" and so
on.  It wasn't until I realised their subtle positioning of such comments
around the Sony Ads that it clicked and the half-crown dropped.

Heaven forbid that they get the eYe on the Playstation as well as the big
grey thing upstairs, I'll never get any more compliments, and at my tender
age, I need all the help I can get.

BTW has anyone got a slow version of the eYe, one that works at walking
pace.  I am too slow to catch the pentium version, by the time I've got his
weapon out, he's been deaded.  "Rotten beast you, dirty rotten thing.  He's
fallen in the water!" (spoken in a Bluebottley sort of way).

TTFN

FT