thinking of you today... roses from my grandmother's. the one who's crazy in the head
mom picked them at her house the other day after taking her to get a flu shot and she was all emotional inside for missing the mother that she once had. she wanted me to fix them, even though she's much better at that. i was real careful with them and tried to make a cool arrangement that also reflected her aching. this morning at breakfast with so many of them blooming spread so wide, i wanted you to have them all. i went out on the chill of the porch and took some photos. this one's distorted cos i couldn't size it right. but watch your mail *smile*...love, surrounding the darkness, drowning the sadness. just for you.

"a rose could never lie about the love it brings."

fido coffeeshop. 7:07p.m. 10.06.99
why so much struggle
just to live, just to move
i shout through the fuss
and i push and i pull

so what about being
i guess i'm not seeing (it)
forgot the meaning
of me, just being me
how to be me (in you)

well i must be the fool, cos you never change-d
but i'm not used to needing
to always remembering (i need) You

how can i keep walking, keep standing
when i just don't know
if i can hold on
on to the hand in the dark
you reach out for me,
just offering peace
but i thrash through my sleep
seeking my own relief
oh where is my why and how can i try to be me without you