"Oh boy, where have I heard that before?" Leigh asked, knowing the answer.
"And that is what?" Vanessa asked.
"Well, you know how Leigh and I have accumulated almost every Backstreet Boys video tape known to man? Or at least stores?" I asked.
"We could have a marathon." Dallas said.
"All Backstreet, All Day." Grayson said, immitating broadcastors.
"Gee Guys, I dunno, I mean-" Leigh started. I cut her off.
"Hey, just because Nick had no sense of style, or a sense of intelligence, DOESN'T mean you have to-" Leigh cut me off.
"Nick? What about Kevin?! The man thought he was in Oasis! He did and still does have the worst taste in EVERYTHING!"
"HEY! I represent- I mean, resent that!" Vanessa said.
"Everything except women." Leigh smiled, digging herself out of her self-made hole.
"That's better." She said. "Anyway, I think that Kev's taste has improved drastically over the past while."
"You know," I said. "I agree with V. Kevin has the best fashion sense, or at least looks the best in most of what he wears. His hair is SOOOO much better than it used to be. Oh God, Quit Playing Games Mental Picture!"
"Oh, you imagining what Kevy-Kev looked like in the video?" Deanna asked.
"Sorta." I said, grasping my head. I looked at Leigh, who had a knowing look on her face.
"I know what that mental picture is," Leigh said. "Kevin never shoulda worn those pants to begin with."
Finally the picture left me. "Ahh. Okay, what's up first?"
"BACKSTREET STORIES!!!" Deanna laughed.
"Okaay." I said. "Yo Dallas! Lock the door, wouldya?"
"Why?" She asked.
"Well, do YOU want the guys coming in while your watching old and sometimes EMBARRASING videos of them?" I asked.
"Good point."
I popped the tape in and we all started watching.
"OH MY GOSH! Nick looked so FUNNY as a little kid!" Dallas exclaimed.
"Oooh, look at Howie's pompadour. ELVIS!!" Vanessa yelled.
"NOOOO! Kevin looks like Nick did in the video for 'Get Down'!!!! Hair-wise, I mean. I doubt he was as non-muscular looking as Nick STILL is back then." I said.
Leigh fell to the floor. She had just seen AJ give a NICE (sarcasm) butt shot to the camera. "I know, WONDERFUL, isn't it Leigh?" Grayson asked. Leigh just laughed.
"OH MY LORD!!! Look at that hair!!" Deanna exclaimed, referring to Brian. "Doesn't he know that it's a faux pas to have hair like that!? You DO NOT dye or whatever happened to his head, blond for only 1/4 for your head and leave the rest brown. YOU JUST DON'T!!!" She finished. We all looked at her. "AM I RIGHT!?" We all looked at Brian and nodded.
"Hey V, BREATHE DEEPLY. In, out, in, out." I said, as a picture of the guys getting suits appeared. Kevin had a vest with NO shirt on under it.
"If only the hair was better..." Vanessa said. "WHOO HOO!" We all looked at her. She smiled sheepishly. "COME ON!! He's my husband! We haven't been married long enough for him to have ENTIRELY lost his sexuality!!" She mimicked Nick singing "sexuality" during the song 'Don't Want You Back'.
"Honey, I don't think he EVER will!" Deanna said. We all agreed.
"Well, probably when he's 70, maybe 80 years old. Not his 'cuteness' if you will, for lack of a better word, but maybe his sexual appeal." I said.
"I just have ONE problem with that statement." Leigh said. Dallas knew what she was getting at. "Cuteness? HA! THE MAN IS HOT!!! H-O-T-T, HOT!!! Whoo! He's enough to make any man suddenly be attracted to men!! He could make a lesbian go straight!!!" Dallas said. We all enthusiastically agreed.
"I don't know if Cordelia needs to hear that." Leigh said. We looked at each other and cracked up. Dallas looked confused as well as everyone else. I looked at her and told her it was nothing.
"OH YEAH! BIIIIIG nothing! UH HUH!!! I BELIEVE YOU!" She yelled.
The tape ended. "Well ladies, we have just lived through HELL! What's up next?" I asked.
"How about-" Deanna started.
"Say no more, Mon Amour (I know, I can't spell), lips are for kissing baby, ji ta dour." We heard a raspy voice through the door. I absentmindedly said, "Me sa thinking it's Mr. McLean." (Jar Jar Binks from Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace)
"Me sa thinking yousa right!" The voice said.
"Hey man! Isn't that from Empire Records?" I asked him.
"Yeah, Sexy Rexy. Or is it sexy Kevy?" He said. I could hear him smiling. Than I heard a voice. "How many times must I remind you freaks!!?? I AM MARRIED!! Besides AJ, I don't swing that way." It was Kevin.
"SUUUUURE YA DON'T KEVIN!! UH HUH! WE BELIEVE YOU!" I said.
"Kevin, is there something you need to tell me?" Vanessa asked.
We heard him walk off. "Women." He said. "Why did I EVER choose THAT one?"
"HEY KEVIN!" Deanna yelled. "CORDY'S AVAILIABLE!!"
"Really? Soo uh, whatcha doin' Friday night?" He asked.
"Stealing Brian for a one-on-one b-ball match. Basically, I'm setting up for a loss." I said.
"Huh. Good luck. See y'all later!! Bye V!" He said.
"TTFN" V yelled back.
***************************************************************************
We had peace through the 'All Access', 'BSB:The Video', and 'Night Out W/ The Backstreet Boys.' But while we were watching 'Backstreet Boys: Live in Concert from Frankfurt,Germany', We heard a noise at the door knob. Thirty seconds later, the guys burst through the door, Nick with a screwdriver in hand. They had picked the lock. Howie and Brian both yelled, "Now THIS is crossing the line!"
"Kevin, I've been waiting to give you this." I said, opening the box I held. I pulled out four bumper stickers. The first said 'I am my car, my car is me. The car is hot, don't YOU wanna drive it?' the second said 'If you can read this, I can slam on the breaks and sue you!!' the next one said 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it. But for you? We can make an acception.' the last one said 'Don't piss me off. I'm running out of places to find the bodies.' He looked satisfied. He said,"Well, I forgive you."
I then turned to Brian. I pulled out another box and gave it to him. "*N SYNC STUFF?! What kinda joke IS this?!!?"
"No! Not JUST 'N sync stuff! DOG TOYS!!" I said.
"Oh." He said. Then the light went on (in his head). "OH! COOL!!! I forgive you But the REST of you, NOT FUNNY."
"Howie, my main man. I got you this." I handed him a box. He opened it slowly. "See Brian? He knows how to open a present correctly. Or at least safely."
"Basketball stuff?" He asked, confused. "Umm, I don't get it."
I went up to him and whispered, while pointing to Nick and Brian: "Serious bribery." Then I looked in the box. "Man, there's more."
"Umm, I don't get THIS." He pulled out some paper.
"Embarrassing stories about ALL of 'em. Otherwise known as fan fiction. VERY INTERESTING." I whispered again.
"Thanks, girl." He said.
"AJ, I got you these." I said, handing him lots of paper.
"What is it?" He asked.
"Jokes. Strait from the Internet. Most of them are pretty funny." I said. He looked at the first one, and started laughing.
"Okay, you are forgiven." He said between laughs.
"ME ME ME ME ME!!!!!!!!" Nick shouted.
"Okay." I handed him a box.
He opened it, and a confused look crossed his face. "Umm, I don't mean to seem ungrateful, but GLITTER? Darlin', THIS IS FOR GIRLS!" He said.
"Than you should have it." I said.
"Okay, I set myself up for that one."
"Yeah." I said. "Anyway, you already have my sister."
"True."
"Okay. So I am forgiven?" I asked the guys.
"Yep." Nick said.
"Uh huh." AJ shouted.
"Of course." Howie assured.
"You betcha." Brian said.
"Yeah, baby. YEAH!" Kevin said. Austin Powers. Typical.
"Okay. So what do we do with them?" I asked, referring to the girls.
"I don't know." Brian said.
"I have a plan." Kevin said. We all whispered. Then we put our plan in to action. We locked each girl in a room. Then they saw that they were each in a room with a member of 'N Sync. Their least favorite. Grayson had Chris, Leigh had Justin, Deanna had Joey, Dallas had Lance, and Vanessa had JC.
"Life is good." I said.
"Yeah, well. For you." Nick said.
"They had it coming." Brian said.
"Why?" I asked. Howie answered.
"They crossed the line."
Backstreet Boys Fan Fiction Index