1. All soundmen are assholes.
2. All bassplayers are idiots.
3. All engineers will ruin your sound.
4. Cute chicks are not breathlessly hanging around, anxious to blow lame local musicians.
5. A&R men are not breathlessly hanging around, anxious to sign lame local bands.
6. You only really need to know that one really easy pentatonic scale to play lead.
7. You only really need to know that one really easy power chord shape to play rhythm.
8. All bands play too loud; no one but the writer ever hears any of the words, and no one cares what the words are anyway.
9. The name 'The Velvet Underground' has already been taken. All the other remaining names suck.
10. No band was ever 'just four guys who are really, really good friends totally on the same wavelength musically.' If there ever was, they ended up hating each other and suing each other, because
11. All bands break up.

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