Alternative Moist Lyrics



These are "alternative" lyrics written by THE PANTS Mistress and her minion Impassioned to some Moist songs that I'm sure you are all familiar with. These are a lot of fun to sing in the shower, your car, and especially Moist shows...it really messes the guys up.

Pants (Part One)
Bender
Pants (Part Two)
These Freaking Pants
See Touch Cords
Low Low Pants
Corduroys



PANTS PART ONE
(to the tune of PUSH)
by Jaded

A little more faded than I ever wanted
A little bit tighter than I'd ever say
Did you really think that I bought them
Kicked in the window never thought to pay
I ran away ran away

PANTS
Just a little to tight
But that's what I want what I need
They way I wanted them to be
Always loved them 'cause they're blue
Falling down or worn right through
Low

Tried to give them up I couldn't take it
I need them more than I could ever say
PANTS they are loved
You can kick me in the head knock me down
Don't rip the PANTS off again
They were darker than this darker than this
They fade away fade away

PANTS etc.

Hands gripped to the PANTS
I can't hear your rants
Face pressed to my slacks
(Please don't ask!)
One more breath one more
It's Sunlight

I could never jump enough dance enough sweat enough
That lemon fresh scent will stay there
never...fade away fade away...

PANTS etc.



BENDER
(to the tune of SILVER)
by Jaded

So close your eyes the Cuervo's come
The gold tequila we once knew
Jose's stigma drunken ones
With stinging lips we're ripped and torn
Come touch and feel and lick and smell
This Cuervo that we've known so well
Everybody wants, everybody says, everybody begs in time

We'll drink it in with salt and lime
Come bite down on the sour fruit
And taste the worm that numbs the mind
A simple shot a harmless glass
With voices screaming in our heads
A Detroit dumpster for our bed

Everybody wants, everybody says, everybody begs in time
Who will be the first to fall?
Any feeling has dissolved
It's a bender
Morphine's not enough I guess
Only Cuervo nothing less
It's a bender

So ripped and bombed with no regrets
Kevin and Paul, duct tape in all
Poor Mark and Stan won't soon forget
Been drunk for days still feelin' high
Can't see or touch, feel or smell
Can't find my Cuervo this is hell

Everybody wants etc.

Tripped...fell and couldn't reach my drink, this time
Knowing I had lost my drink...

Everybody wants etc.

*It is lost, i can't see
have you seen, have you seen, have you seen
my cuervo, cuervo...*



PANTS PART TWO
(To the tune of PUSH)
By Impassioned

A little bit more than I ever wanted,
A little bit more than I wanted to see.
Did you really think that they'd stay up there?
My PANTS falling down the breeze is coming in
Cold again, cold again

PANTS just a little more tight
They're hanging down to your knees
Is THAT what you wanted me to see?
I would love them strapped to you
Belt 'em down they're riding too
Low

We tried to look away when they fell off you
But we saw more then we could ever say
My PANTS are feeling loose a thought comes in my head
My PANTS slide down OH NO! my PANTS fell off again
I want to cover-up, need to cover-up but they
Fall away, fall away

PANTS just a little more tight...

Hands gripped to the PANTS
I'm trying to yank
Them up around my waist
It's a disgrace
To have them falling off me
But it's alright

Cause I could never pull enough, hoist enough, lift enough
To ever get these cords to stay there
Oh well, oh well, oh well
Fall away fall away

PANTS just a little more tight...

I paid for more than this
I paid for more than this
I paid for more than this
I paid for much more than this



THESE FREAKING PANTS
(To the Tune of THIS SHRIEKING LOVE)
By Impassioned

I came running down my hallway
Looking for my favourite PANTS
Stopped beside my dresser
They should be in the drawers

Weren't in the dresser
Found them lying on the floor
They fit loosely on my body
I can't feel them there at all

I put those cords on to me
Now I feel like a god
Till they start sliding off my body
It's all cause I've no belt

These freaking pants
Keep slipping down now
These freaking pants
Go past my knees right to the ground
Oh it's only in the belt

It's clear I need something resilient
Something a little more elasticky
A long hot wash with Sunlight fast
Maybe they will shrink

Of course they didn't
My codourouys are quality
They're still falling off my body
It's all cause I've no belt

These freaking pants....

They would've fell right there
If I had let them
They would've fell right there
If I had let them

For one more time
I will restrain
My pants from falling
Down again

I wanted more
Than than they can be
I wanted them
To stay on me

My cords keep falling down
I've got to get a belt...

Hike 'em up a bit more now this time...
They slip, slide, fall down
Hike 'em up a bit more this time...
They slip, slide, fall down

Oh! It's only in the belt x 4



SEE TOUCH CORDS
(To the Tune of SEE TOUCH FEEL)
by Impassioned

I am waiting
For the falling
It's happened at least one thousand times
They fit loosely
On my body
I should buy a belt
Pull them up but
They keep falling
Oh my PANTS are falling down
Buy a belt now
Or suspenders
You're butt is hanging out

See they're sliding
I feel them sliding
Because they fit so loose on me
Only need to pull them up
It's easy after all
We all know that
Jeff's the virgin
My PANTS make me a sex god
Pull them up just one more time

How far did they fall, my corduroys?
Oh my god! They're past my thighs
Uh-oh!
Did you see my behind?
And how much did you see of my backside?
My crack exposed, you saw the line?
Uh-oh, uh-oh
You saw my bare behind?

Slipping down now
I should get one
But finding belts can be so hard
Slipping down
I'll catch them quick
Before they hit the ground
I don't want to
Be the virgin
Jeff has told me that it's hell
He begs to get laid one time

And how far did they fall, my corduroys etc.

Can you tell me
What you've seen
Can you tell me
What you seen
Can you tell me
What you've seen, oh baby
Can you tell me
What you've seen, yeah


and how far did they fall, my corduroys etc.



LOW LOW PANTS
(To the Tune of LOW LOW LOW)
by Impassioned

No belts can be found
My PANTS on the ground
Pull them up and then
Pray quiet that they'll
Stay up now

Fall down, fall down
Drop down to the ground
Too loose on me
Hanging off me
They're too low now

Don't think I'll ever get them to stay on me
They're too low low

They're sliding off me
Too loose to stay on
But the lemon scent
Makes up for them being
Too low now

Stay on stay on
But again they fall
Too loose for me
They're comfortable but
Too low now

Don't think I'll ever get them to stay on me...


CORDUROYS
(to the tune of TANGERINE)
by Obssessed

the blue cords that i gave you lying crumpled
on the floor
the shredded pieces of a t-shirt
as the minions start to claw
Dave's not as careful as he should have been
i might not dissagree 
but for the pleasure of the minions
the shirt gone to waste
should we've gone this far
and should we've gone this far

corduroy, the pants that made you
justifies the cords so worn through
threw them there and hate to see them waste away
corduroys, on like a rocket
shoved the hand into the pocket
only if you'd hate to see them waste away

the purposeful obsession
of the minions will reveal
the feather boas revidescent
as the pants mistress arrives
i'm just as delighted as i've always been
i might not disagree
but to the horror of all the minions
the pants start to fall apart
should we've gone this far
and should we've gone this far

corduroy the pants that made you
justifies the cords so worn through
threw them there and hate to see them waste away
corduroys on like a rocket 
shoved the hand into the pocket
only if you'd hate to see them waste away

you're a minion and that's alright
so let dave's deep blue corduroys cover you in warmth
and if he's cold it makes him hot
and he will shiver and freeze to death
beneath the evening sky
and should we've gone this far

corduroy the pants that made you 
justifies the cords so worn through
threw them there and hate to see them waste away
corduroys, on like a rocket
shoved the hand into the pocket
only if you'd hate to see them waste away