THE PANTS FAQ
Behold...
THE
PANTS
Note: Answers to these questions are presented in the most truthful and serious (read: outright lies and outrageous entertainment) possible.
UPDATES:
- MOST Important Update: THE PANTS Master himself revealed to his loyal PANTS Mistress at a show in Sherbrooke, Quebec, that he in fact has "only one pair of PANTS that i wear onstage(THE PANTS), but i've got lots more at home"...or so he says.
- More Important Update: A source VERY close to THE PANTS has revealed to the PANTS Mistress that Mr. Usher has, in fact, TWO PAIRS OF BLUE CORDS...no more, no less...stay tuned for more info!
- Update: THE PANTS Mistress has just discovered that Mr. Usher does indeed have at least two pairs of blue cords...this was discovered in Buffalo, New York, by THE PANTS Mistress hereself...Mr. Usher was wearing two distinctly different pairs of PANTS during and after the show...
Back to your regularly scheduled FAQ...
WHAT ARE THE PANTS?
THE PANTS are owned and operated by Mr. David Usher, lead singer of Canadian music superstars Moist. They are, to the best of anyone's knowledge, blue Levi Strauss and Co. courduroy jeans, and are often worn with THE BELT (nothing special here, just a belt).
IS THERE MORE THAN ONE PAIR OF THE PANTS?
Here opinion varies. There is a school of thought that believes there is only one pair of pants and they are well-cared for and quite sturdy. There is another school of thought that says there are numerous pairs of pants, that all simply look exactly the same. In fact, there are also a third and fourth that say THE PANTS are actually Mr. Usher's legs and any other pants that might be seen are actually real pants, or that Mr. Usher is a superhero and much like Superman he wears THE PANTS under his clothes so that he may run to the nearest liquor store to change in times of need, respectively.
None of this has been confirmed or denied by Mr. Usher himself.
WHY ARE THE PANTS IMPORTANT?
THE PANTS are the one thread that has been common to the last four years of Moist's success. Other pants have been worn, however these pants have stood the test of time. All is well with the world when Mr. Usher wears these pants (it is rumored that THE PANTS are actually the centre of the known universe and therefore have tremendous power).
WHY WORSHIP THE PANTS?
The question is, why not? Anything to save one's soul from the malignancy and torture of real life is as good as any tequila. THE PANTS do seem to have special powers and we as cowering underlings want simply for some of that "je ne sais quoi" to be bestowed on us, so that we may face life with the same zeal as Mr. Young counting pixels on the TV in the tourbus.
DOES THE PANTS MISTRESS HAVE A SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PANTS?
Technically speaking, No. One could say that she has been rather intimate with these pants on a few occasions, however that would simply be inviting questions from people with overzealous libidos and imaginations. Let us just say that THE PANTS Mistress has a good knowledge of THE PANTS and leave it at that.
DOES MR. USHER IN FACT KNOW THAT HIS PANTS ARE THE SUBJECT OF WORSHIP?
As far as THE PANTS Mistress knows, No. However, it is possible that he may in fact know. When THE PANTS were mentioned to him a short while ago, he replied with a particularly knowing giggle...could be, one never knows.
Update: Yes, Mr. Usher is aware that his PANTS are the subject of worship and apparently finds the whole thing quite amusing...
