THE WINNER! Congatulations Delerious on a job well done! Definitely the most *creative* entry
I received....So here is Delerious' winning entry for all to see...enjoy!
IS THAT A CAR FROM QUEBEC?
Um, not exactly. It's got 4 wheels and is from Quebec, but it doesn't really count as a vehicle.
OK, if you want to get technical, it's a skateboard. To get even more technical, it's KEVIN'S
skateboard. I'm sure that most people have heard about Kevin's skateboarding at one
point or another, maybe after watching him play a show with his wrist in
a splint . . . anyways, yes, that is infact Kevin's skateboard that is
srceaming down the highway. You may be wondering - #1. why is it here? #2. where the hell is
Kevin? It is here because it continued moving after Kevin came to an abrupt
stop. Kevin is not here because he is unconcious and smacked up against
the back of a bread truck at the top of a very steep hill in Montreal.
Someone went (mid-bender) skateboarding, and failed to notice a rather
large truck infront of him. When he finally met those metal back doors
upclose and personal (insert dull thud here), his skateboard shot out
from under him, rolled under the truck, down the hill and continued
merrily on its way without him. I would imagine that now that it is
here, in roughly the middle of Southern Ontario, that it has picked up
enough velocity that it would be potentially dangerous to try and stop,
we'll just have to keep watching the news updates covering its progress
and hope that if it hurts/kills anyone in the State of Michigan, they
won't sue Mr. Young.
ARE THOSE PURPLE LUPINS?
Well yes they are! Mark will be so pleased that you noticed! He makes
sure that there are always fresh lupins throughout the tour bus. Why he
does this is a tragic story though, it goes way back in time. . .back to
the Sherbrooke show. Let's get one thing staight. Growing up, Mark was
never what you could call a girly-boy. His favorite colour was a
consistant blue for 30 1/2 years of his life, that was until one
wonderous day when the PANTS MISTRESS and her followers endowed Mark
with a spectacular purple boa. He was instantly enthraled by the
splendor of it and decided that purple was his new favorite colour. You
can imagine his excitement when Jaded and her minions appeared at
another show bearing. . .*ooh,ahh!* a gorgeous pair of
oh-my-god-those-are-really-damn-tight-and-sexy purple vinal pants! He
loved them, and wore them for the show (causing easily excitable members
of the audience to go absolutely crazy when they saw him, hehehe. . )
Mark now considered the pants (no, not THE PANTS, but HIS PANTS) his
prize possession. He read the washing instuctions carefully, no machine
wash, ok, no problem. He washed them gently and lovingly by hand, but
unfortunately, it never dawned on Mr. Mastermind Makowy that if you
can't machine wash it, you can't machine dry it, and he melted his
beautiful pants. Oh the horror! Mark's cries of anguish could be heard
for miles, the band wanted to confort him, but poor Mark could not be
consoled, and stole the PANTS and proceded to wash them in purplesaurus
Kool-aid. He was caught in the act by Stan, who apprehended him, but
didn't beat him as expected, he instead took pity on this poor, broken
man. Dave's PANTS were returned to him, unharmed, and Mark was
immediately put in therapy. You are probably wondering what this has to
do with lupins, well, Mark felt like there just wasn't enough purple in
his life, (the band wouldn't let him paint them or the bus) so he is now
contented with admiring those delightful purple lupins arranged so
carefully daily to compensate for his traumatic experience.
WHAT'S IN THE FIELD?
To the average passer-by, nothing. That looks like a typical boring
field that's full of half-dead shrubbery which you glare at relentlessly
on long car trips, absolutely nothing of interest there. . .or so you're
supposed to think! They planned it that way. Who? you ask, MOIST. I
know the whole story, but don't tell them, they think that there are no
witnesses! In that field, among all the other deadish plants is a
particularly scruffy looking bush. Under this bush is a big rock.
Under the big rock is a slight mound of dirt that was flattened to look
natural, but they're musicians, not sculpters, and you can damn well
tell that it used to be a hole. A while back, the band gathered at
night in this field in secrecy, to do what they had to. They had with
them a piece of paper with the magic words on in. No, not hocus-pocus,
I was talking about revidescent, crallow, and nauselbaum. They wanted
to be sure that no one ever found the definitions of these words. Yes
of course it would have been easier to just burn the damn paper, but the
boys were bored, so Paul held a "revival style sermon" and asked for the
blessing of the big guy upstairs, and then Jeff asked for luck from the
big guy downstairs (we know how close they are, teehee). They all drew
straws, and Kevin lost, so while the others made double and triple sure
that the steel box containing the paper was good and locked, Kevin got
to crawl around under the bush digging a hole, then burrying the box
again. The only proof of that night's events are this eye-witness
account, and Kevin's haircut. Oh sure, they claim that he wanted it
done. Nope. He burried the box, tried to get up and found that his
long, mental hair was badly snared in the bush. They tried to untangle
it, but got worried about attracting attention when Paul started yanking
Kevin by his feet, Kevin of course screaming in agony the whole time, so
in the end they just had to cut him free. Just ask him if you don't
believe me, he won't tell the truth, but will twitch, mutter to himself
and avoid your eye (more than normal!).
WHERE ARE STAN'S NUTS?
They are well hidden. They are really well hidden. Stan got sick and
tired of the band eating the last of his peanuts on the bus, never
telling him, replacing them or even confessing in the first place, so he
now makes sure to hide them carefully. In a jar labelled "PEANUTS",
where the other guys would never ever think to look. You look
perplexed, Oops! You were talking about Stan's REAL nuts weren't you?
The hard, round and hopefully inedible ones right? Where are they?
Well, Stan is a smart, organized guy (that's how you end up a road
manager) and he kepps his nuts safe, in his toolbox next to his bolts
and spare flashlight, where any responsible road manager would keep
them.
WHAT IS PINK OF PAUL'S?
His boa! His boa! His cute little baby pink and sparkely boa! . . . wait
a sec, these questions were written BEFORE he got the boa, weren't they?
Oops. Well first off, you probably know that although Paul is a cool,
pretty easygoing guy, chances are that he wouldn't publicly admit to
owning anything pink. After all, this is the DRUH-MUR we're talking
about, grrr. I have asked him about this, but he swears blindly that
those are NOT his pink bunny slippers and no one believes photo evidence
these days anyways so why don't I put that damn picture away and run
like hell while I still have the option. . . hehehe. Hell hath no fury
like a BEAN scorned, and it was time for drastic measures! No matter
how tight a group of friends are, there is always someone who can be
bought, and MOIST were no exception. After 30 seconds of intense
negotiations with a band member who will remain nameless, I had a
henchman who happily planted my surveilance equipment above, below, and
around Paul's bunk on the bus. After hours of work I finally had the
answer, and the evidence. I know what is pink of Paul's (besides those
poor "ownerless" slippers which he was once again wearing . . .)hehehe,
it's actually kinda cute. It's his carebear. It's Cheerbear to be
presice. You know, the pink fuzzy one with a rainbow on her tummy and a
heart on her butt? That's the one. It seems that "Dr. Love" can get a
little lonely on long tours and for some strange reason the band doesn't
always want to cuddle with him, so he found an irreplacable companion in
Cheerbear, who is never too busy or too married to snuggle, awwwwwww.
(PS, pictures of Paul tucking in the bear go onsale next week to the
highest bidders! teehee!)