What sort of history would you like to read? For those into facts (as much as they can be remembered over a period of over twenty years) a milestone chronology is located below. For a different slant on the whole meal consult www.listen.to/thebernards. This is The Bernards - same band, different name - there's a story there....somewhere.

For those who prefer a grab bag of reminiscences, read on.

The name was inspired by Steve Bell's 'If' cartoons for The Guardian newspaper. In one cartoon a group of Falkland Islands penguins, while pelting a passing British submarine with guano, sing their South Atlantic Wildlife Anthem. It goes something like 'Guano hoik guano hoik hoik guano hoik guano hoik hoik hoik....' I thought, hey this is the name of a band! With this we'll finally be treated seriously!
 
 The band as Guano Hoik! have only played live once (at Bernaid) in April 1999. Years ago Norm played school socials with the Pat Gallagher Band and rehearsed extensively with Black Rock legends The Fades. Later with Mark (one gig with Bryl Kreem & The Ducktails) and another school friend Konrad their Tyrannosaurus Rex inspired acoustic band Beltane played four gigs over an eighteen month or so period. Going loud and electric Norm, Mark, Pat and his sister Mary played one gig as Middle Kingdom.

So we've turned our backs on the elusive search for rock stardom. Never mind, you might own a record company.

In recent years a few things have happened. Neil bought a 4 track recorder, an aborted attempt to play live under the guise of The Beauty Myth was made with friend and at the time Howl guitarist Silvio, several songs have hit the airwaves at Radio 3RPP and Neil, Norm and Mark have all bought newer guitars. Even more recently Neil played Bass with Beach Trains On Fridays from 2001-2002, playing six gigs with them whilst Mark played live with The Defectors for a one-off gig in late 2002.

Guano Hoik! gets together usually once a month on a Friday or Saturday afternoon, depending on when Richmond plays or who is undergoing a mid-life crisis at that particular point in time. Sometimes honorary Hoikers like Greg, Al (lately given official status) or Steve come along and it gets even more crowded. Other guest Hoiker attendees have included Phil and Mike (the latter now residing in South Korea).
 
The band writes a lot of its own stuff. If you liked the samples on this site, there are now several others on The Bernards site.

1975
Norm and Mark start playing music together as The Dead Heads. Norm in White Zinc with  Konrad (later Beltane) and Gary (later The Bacharachs). They play regularly on the railway tracks between Sandringham and Hampton.
1976
Bryl Kreem & The Ducktails perform at Highett High End of Year Revue. Mark part of the backing Ducktails. Silvio (Later The Howl and The Beauty Myth) leads the charge
Pat Gallagher Band forms.
1977
White Zinc finally dries up.
Norm does three gigs at Highett High Socials with The Pat Gallagher Band.
1978
Norm rehearses with Black Rock band The Fades but never plays live with them.
December  23  Beltane with Norm and Mark (Acoustic guitars) and  Konrad (Percussion) do Christmas gig at Exodus Hall.
1979
Three more Beltane gigs at Exodus Hall. April 27, August 11 and one impromptu gig date not recorded.
August 11   Middle Kingdom with Norm and Mark (Electric guitars), Pat (Drums) and sister Mary (Bass) play only gig at Exodus Hall. Mark goes overseas a fortnight later.
1980
Middle Kingdom folds. Mark sells his Fender Strat. Music goes off the boil. Pat later goes on to play guitar with Reflex Arc.
1984
Neil starts playing Bass. The Hoikers first jam under the guise of The Croissants with Steve.
1986
Mark overseas for a year. Neil for four months. They meet up in England.
1987
The regular Guano Hoik! jams commence. They include a couple of evenings with drummer Andrew Paterson who had been playing reggae with a pub band in Adelaide.
1994
January to March. With Silvio (then with The Howl and Wendy Rule), Neil and Mark rehearse to play live as The Beauty Myth. The band implodes prematurely. The Hoikers continue to jam during this period.
 Neil buys 4 track recorder.
1995
January 20. She's An Amazon first heard on Radio 3RPP. Five other songs eventually get a hearing: Vicious Fish, Dorothy Parker Said, What I Want, Dunbar and North To Alaska. Mark surfaces on radio during the year to play Guano Hoik! and discuss the band.
Mark lashes out on a secondhand Ibanez electric (F777108).
1996-98
Norm lashes out on a Maton acoustic.
The Hoikers continue to jam and lay down 4 track recordings. Guests include Greg (Vocals), Mike (Guitar), Phil (Drums) and Steve of The Croissants (Guitar)
1999
Neil puts the band's songs onto Compact Disc.
April 17. The Hoikers (as The Bernards) play at Bernaid '99. Songs: Vicious Fish, A Word Is Enough To The Wise and She's Oh So Nonchalant.
2000-2001
The band continue to jam and record spasmodically, the latter rarely as a trio. In early 2001 Neil is recruited as bass player for Carrum band Beach Trains On Friday.
December 2001 sees Neil's first gig with Beach Trains at the Carrum Primary School Fete.
Neil gets a new acoustic guitar.
Beach Trains' drummer Allan joins the Hoikers for a bash in 2001. Greg and Steve also continue to guest. Mike teaching in South Korea.
2002
Beach Trains play Madalini's in Mordialloc on February 5, March 5 and April 27 (their first paid gig - $200!). They also play at the Kingston Festival on March 17 and triumphantly return to the Carrum Primary School Fete on November 16.
Mark accompanies his daughter Mog at her school recital on May 28 and plays with The Defectors on November 23 at the Wandin Lavender Festival.
Mark gets a new guitar and amp. Neil finally gets his blue acoustic.
Jams continue erratically with Greg and Al joining in on occasion.
2003
Beach Trains split early in the year. Neil buys an acoustic bass mid year. Al becomes the official Hoiker drummer.
2004
A February jam seems in hindsight to be the last Guano Hoik! outing as Norm disappears from the scene from that point and the band dissolves after 17 years.