Great Big Mess-Ups

...And you thought the lyrics you came up with were a little, shall we say, odd... Just take a look at what others used to sing!

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"When I popped a wishing well"="When I picked a blushing bride"

"Don't be an octopus"="Don't beat around the bush"

"So grab a chair and mason jar"="So grab a chair and raise a jar"

"So grab a chair and chase a car"

"If you got it sauce, don't beat around the bush"="If you got it sussed, don't beat around the bush"

"Offer me solutions and offer me alternatives and Patsy Cline"="Offer me solutions and offer me alternatives and I decline"

"Once we peed in a ten pound tub"="One split pea in a ten pound tub"

"I drank 16 dollars for the price of one"="I drank 16 doubles for the price of one"

"There's gonna be foreplay for every man that's there"="There's gonna be a fork and plate for every man that's there"

"Off we go now, hear the tone now"="Off we go now, heel to toe now"

"All the boys and girls naked and so free"="All the boys and girls are making out for free"

"Black eyes for winning, streetlights are spinning"="Wiseguys are grinning, streetlights are spinning"

"An up Kingsway road for a drink a woo"="And up Kingsway road for a drink or two"

"An up Kingsway road for drink or roo"

"An up Kingsway road for a drink or brew"

"From the first Tylenol you gave to me"="From the first hello you gave to me"

"Don't feed Mari-Mac when she's naked"="We'll all be very much mistaken"

"Up among the heather and how's the buddy's feet?"="Up among the heather in the hills of Bennefe"

"Up among the heather and the hills above the sea"

"If you're in the swing runnin' everything"="If you're in the swing money and everything"

"Marriage is an awful lot of taken"="Marriage is an awful undertaking"

"I'll be a bugger if I don't get my share but don't be fairy once she's taken"="I'll be a bugger if I don't get my share if I don't we'll all be very much mistaken"

"And every day you're in this place your due days nearer death"="And every day you're in this place you're two days nearer death"

"I've shoveled up the gyps of men and ion makes you choke"="I've shoveled up the gypsum and it neigh 'on makes you choke"

"Come forward night and be my wife"="Come for one night and be my wife"

"Went straight through the channels the tides low we'll go"="When straight throught the channel to Toslow we'll go"

"But she went and got a penal booth"="But she went and got a panel van"

"To join the Blue Petites"="To join the Blue Puttees"

"Extend with a gal and a dipper discreet"="Mixed in with a galon of dipple or screech"

"It's the old shave and lotion"="It's the old shaving lotion"

"He loves to blow 'em bold"="He loves the flowin' bowl"

"With the Jelly Roll Guitar"="With the Jolly Roving Tar"

"If I had heard you were a prisoner"="If I had heard your words of wisdom"

"She went and got a fat old man and moved home on her birthday"="She went and got a panel van and moved home on her birthday"

"Buy a pair of Nikes, a collar and a tie"="But a pair of leggings, a collar and a tie"