Top Ten Things To Do At A Mall
by Emanuel Melo
10. Start a great game of roller hockey (shoppers are fair game for hits).
9. Ask the info booth to page a little boy and give them your buddy's name.
8. Clip your toenails in the food court.
7. Put on a pair of big yellow fishing waders and scoop up pennies from the fountain.
6. Pull up the mall bench in front of the electronics store with a big bag of popcorn and watch their TV through the window.
5. Take out your crayons and start colouring the books in the book store.
4. Buy lotto scratch tickets at the info booth and after every ticket scratched run around the booth waving your arms and screaming "I WON!! I WON!!" then look at you ticket and say "No wait, I din't win, damn it!". (Note: This must be done at least 7 times in a row to be properly affective).
3. In the summer, dress up like Santa Claus and stand in a large open area of the mall screaming "WHO THE F**K TOOK DOWN MY HOUSE!!!!!"
2. With a sausage and a box coloured to look like a camera, pretend to be from the local news, hold up the sausage to customers faces and ask them if they can answer some questions for the 6 o'clock news.
And the number one thing to do at a mall...
1. Walk around the food court and grab strangers french fries from their trays and start eating them. If they complain, state that "french fries are very greasy and not very healthy and that you're just helping them" if they continue to object take more fries and keep repeating "you'll thank me later."