The Space Cabbages Plot

Zippo:
Clearly, this is so that they can replace our beloved green-haired one with a really green one. That's right. They're gonna dress a Cabbage in orange vinyl pants and have it play the guitar.

angelynx:
This, I hope, will be an Alien Space Cabbage possessed (oo!) not only of some form of intelligence but of operable fingers as well? Otherwise it'll have to manipulate the strings by telekinesis and I believe even the most stoned fan would notice that...

Zippo:
No, it would be more of a "Bubba Bo-Bob Brain" setup, with the cabbage for a head. That's how I envision it anyhow. Forget green hair, it's the green and leafy face that differentiates a real freak from a poseur.

angelynx:
...("Daisy who? That vegetable just to the right of Manson? how does she play without touching the strings? I didn't know Daisy could do that...and he doesn't look that lumpy on the CD cover...Say! I'll bet that isn't Daisy at all but a Telekinetic Alien Space Cabbage!!!" --Manson becomes the UFO fans' favorite band overnight and is extravagantly discussed over on alt.alien-visitors.)

Chicken Killer:
HA!!!!! Chicken is currently having trouble breathing!!!! But if they had to replace anyone else....maybe PoGo...."Hmmmm guys...Pogo doesn't seem to be moving much today...he usually at least looks at the ceiling you know??....i don't remember PoGo having Green Hair???....he looks way to bulky to be in that rubber outfit...oh shit! that isn't PoGo....it's another one of those damned Telekinetic Alien Space Cabbages!!".....i could see it now....Marilyn Manson and the Space Cabbages!!! First album title..."Portrait of An All American Antichrist with Telekinetic Space Cabbage Friends"....okay so angelynx and Hamish's ideas blew mine out of the bathtub..but i figured i'd try my hand at this comical thread going on :)

angelynx:
*gasp**wheeze* angelynx clutches the sides of the chair to keep from rolling off...hysterical!! Like, ONE Telekinetic Alien Space Cabbage around the house you can get used to, but geez, now the damn nuisances are all over the place,
levitating things, and refusing to talk...*gasp*

Zippo:
Oh, boy. You're a dead man now. Eating Telekinetic Cabbage and Space Chicken is gonna get you in some trouble. At least you're not threatening the cornut supply. That would get you in some really big trouble..... I wonder.... anyone? Could the Telekinetic Cabbages and the Space Chickens be at war over the cornuts, and the band is merely pawns? Could the exit of Daisy be an attempt by the cabbages to gain a beachfront on formerly chicken-held territory? (Where the hell is DJ Blue when you need him)

angelynx:
And does the Irresponsible Hat fit in anywhere, or is it a mere amusing fiction of our own devise?... Zippo:
Well, seeing as how it could be a container, used to hold cornuts... it might be related... The only other possibilities would be that while the Chickens control the cornuts, the cabbages use the Irresponsable Hat as kind of a psychic handi-wipe (so the related Irresponsability is directly derived from the cabbages mental invasion after your brain is wiped by the hat (much in the same way that the Rev is milked for his Saliva by the chickens as a key ingredient in their brainwashing rituals)), then the cabbages can take over peoples minds, reducing (improving?) them to the level of brain-dead zombies.

angelynx:
Now, let's see...the cornnuts (doesn't it have two Ns?)...

Zippo:
Not sure, I haven't partaken of the sacrement in years.

angelynx:
...have the power to influence human minds through telepathy, and to induce cannibalism, rather like the legendary Wendigo.

Zippo:
No, the chickens influence human minds throught telepathy, it's just the cornut (or the hat) that makes them open to that. Remember, they got rid of the hat at about the same time that the Rev's dancing got less jerky, once rid of the hat (and the cabbage beachhead), the Rev became more fluid, due to the fact that his body was no longer being possessed by cabbages (who naturally, have no idea what to do with an arm or a leg).

angelynx:
The Space Chickens are the enemies of the SubGenii and of all independent thought.

Zippo:
Of course the Cabbages have psychic abilities, Telepath and Telekinetic (to play the guitar) are the first two discovered, but there may be more.
Chickens will also eat cabbage though, although it's rare for a cabbage to eat a chicken, so any predatory competition would be strictly one-way.

Molekh:
That's just beautiful. Try to form a mental image of that (a cabbage eating a chicken) happening.

One point you are all ignoring is restated by me from the Immortal Prophet. "Laundry is the Fifth Dimension." This is all connected somehow. And where does the Hostess Corporation come into play. You know, a wise man once said, "Sometimes you can't write a chord ugly enough so you just need to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream." These giraffes would be a valuable weapon to any future galactic dictators. One question: Why is all of this happening. I think I missed something. Or is it just a big mystery to us all? Straight from the Pope: Never underestimate the signifigance of a rusty nail through a can of root beer.

angelynx:
The Telekinetic Cabbages...or so I thought until now... are mere pawns of the Chickens, replacing selected humans at the Chickens' command, and using their psychic powers to blind humans to the forgery. Perhaps the Cabbages only *seem* to be working for the chickens. The Cabbages already have psychic abilities; they don't need the Cornnuts' help. But the Space Chickens... hmm...and chickens as we all know *do* eat corn... Or would the Cornnuts join forces with the Cabbages against the SpaceChix? a telepathic-vegetable army?

Zippo:
Never, the Cornnuts aren't a concious force, but merely the tools of the chickens. Although the telepathic-vegetable army may lead me to believe that there is a hidden power behind the cabbages, using them (the hierchy seems to be Vegetables-Poultry-?, so my guess is either ducks or turkeys. Possibly pheasants) as mere pawns to combat the cornuts.

angelynx:
Um. But in the post from Brother Aleck which introduced the Cornnuts to this everexpanding mythos, he was clearly addressed by them on a telepathic level. (see "When the Cornnuts talk..." in BEST OF SPOOKYKIDS LIST VOL. 4.)

Zippo:
Hmmm. Must have missed this volume. I like the idea of the "cornnut mythos" though. Forget that Lovecraft amateur. Ia! Ia! Shub-Cornut! Anyhow, the Cornnuts aren't fully concious (I've been reading Gurdjieff again), and so they're actually being spoken through, not by. It's a common mistake.

angelynx:
Are we to assume our brother was in a psychotic state at the time? if not, why did he hear telepathic advice from the supposed snack food, unless it indeed communicated?

Unless... he's been in with them *all along*...
and by the way, where IS he, anyway?...

Zippo:
See above. It seems (through my rigorous experiments) that the cornuts are some kind of telepathic energy re-routers, kind of like those microwave towers on top of mountains. They recieve and re-transmit, and Bro. Aleck was unfortunate enough to accidentally tune his brain to one of their frequencies and intercept the message, which he thought was directed to him. (Unless it was, and *they* tuned his brain to that frequency just so he could hear it)

angelynx:
And what IS Marilyn Manson's role here? It can't be only that none of the opposing forces have yet found a way to synthesize that precious hallucinogenic saliva. ......

Zippo:
And with Tim Leary (our head researcher on hallucinogenic saliva) dead, the synthesized compound may never be made. I still say the chickens killed him. I hear his last words were "Why? Why Not? Cluckcluckcluck?", which clearly denotes the SC influence.

Rev Spook:
But they still have to get the Irresponsible Hat! Of course, removing Dais, and replacing him with one of their own could give them a foot, er, head in the door for doing that... Of course, THEY need the cornuts to be able to throw them at the hat to get it off of the Rev's head and take it with their telekinesis. You see, as long as it's attached to the Rev, they can't use their telekinesis on it. One of the special properties of the Hat...
And maybe Elvis was transformed into one of those space chickens... That would explain why ppl keep seeing him all the time! Then it's gonna be Elvis is just a chicken in disguise. Then the next lyric change will be But we all know the cabbage's wearing me...

Zippo:
Of course not, that would be silly. Let's try and keep this conversation to serious conspiracy theories, only, not this "elvis" stuff.

coyote:
The Irresponsible Hat is the McGuffin in this story.... Or maybe the booby prize. Manson's got it; the Opposing Forces (boo hiss) all want it...

Zippo:
But i'm not sure that there is an opposing forces. The more I look at it, the more it's like the Lovecraft mythos (Pre-Derleth), in which there were two opposing forces, but no good or evil. Neither cared about the fate of those they fought over, it was the fight that was important.

coyote:
...while at the same time they've got to treat him with kid gloves beacuse of the hallucinagenic saliva (which, if I recall, was a Space Chicken plot gone wrong/escaped to begin with...)--not only will it do Bad Things to the Cabbages if they're exposed to it, but they need it (like the Space Chickens) to control the rest of us. And, as we all know, the Rev's the only source of that particular chemical blend. So they can't actually hurt him in their quest for the Hat.

Zippo:
I can see this now. A Wizard-of-O.Z. type scenario, the fake daisy-cabbage accidentally gets spit on by Manson, and...... "I'm Meeeeelllllltttiiinnnngggg!!!!!!". Yup. A green puddle (possibly with a sauce) will be all that's left. So the Cabbages will need servants of some sort (saliva proof) to handle the saliva for them, to prevent melting.

coyote:
Yes, I believe the Cabbages are working without the Chickens' knowledge here--as I understand it, the Chickens are currently engaged in an all out marathon Warshipping game against Satan for the control of SodomyLand (TM). The game is deadlocked, and the Chickens are sweating pullets (um, bullets. A little chicken humor here ). As soon as the Chickens notice what their flunkies are doing we'll be up to our knees in coleslaw, but if the Cabbages can move fast enough they can gain power over the Hat AND Manson himself, thereby boosting their side's telekenetic/telepathic ablities in their upcoming psychic Armageddon against the Cornnuts...

Zippo: Where the hell is DJ Blue when you need him?
angelynx: Yeah! Where IS he?!

coyote:
Didn't you hear? He's imprisioned in the fortress of the giant Space Nutria--that's really why Daisy 'left'--he's on a secret undercover mission to free DJ Blue before the Space Chickens finish off Satan and reclaim Blue from the dungeon of Castle Nutria...(while the Nutria _is_ theoeretically neutral, he's mercenary, and the Space Chix paid him big bux for rental on a cell or two since DJ Blue kept escaping their holding pens...)

Zippo:
Yeah, but all we have to do to get him out is to outbribe the chickens, so send your money now! It's not for us. It's for the orgasm boys.

coyote:
(there. =) I think I've worked in every wacked out thread that's ever >related to the Space Chicken nefarious doings...)
(Oh, fuck. I forgot the nutrient tanks. Zippo?)

Zippo:
Don't worry. I brought a couple extra.

Zippo:
SodomyLand being the more recent Manson-related re-issue of the brilliant board game "Candyland". You can guess what all those candy canes growing out of the ground are now.... That may be the case, but I believe they're two seperate groups, not a master-slave relationship.

tina:
speaking of sheds, i just finished readint eh space cabbage/chicken/cornuts thing, and it struck me that my cat's name is Chou-Chou, which is french for Cabbage-Cabbage, and how i woke up this morning and it was all dark (i was coughing up mylung remember?) and my cat's glow int he dark white, and so when you looked at him, all you can see are these massive dark pupils and his face, which is shaped like the pictures of aliens are, only he has ears. he looked like an alien, god he has freaked me out many times cuz i keep thinking he's an alien who came to bring me back to neptune. anyway, that reminded me of the space cabbages and i began to wonder, "chou...cabbage..he looks like an alien......" so my question is, does this mean that my cat is going to take daisy's place? he is a space cabbage. =)

angelynx:
Watch closely and see if he shows any sign of telekinetic powers. Can he move things without touching them? Have you had a strange urge to run to Toyz-R-Us and buy one of those cool little MicroJammers electronic guitars? (they're cat sized... he might wanna get in some practice before they go on tour.) If this happens, buy him a suitcase; he's got the gig. (Then prepare yourself for a telepathic message informing you that you're no longer allowed to call him "Chou-Chou" and had better get used to "Marcia Menendez" or maybe "Gypsy Lee Chikatilo"...)

tina:
and if so, do you think anyone will notice that he's a cat??? i mean, think of hte people who thought twiggy was a chick. the guitarist's just a kitty in disguise...

angelynx:
They'll probably only notice that the techies have to set his mike *real* close to the floor. Dangerous for him though. I mean, usually when Manson gets pissed off, he grabs a guitar and throws it. What would he do if he had a *guitarist* he could throw?... (I know, I know, he's already done that once...=( but it *would* be a bit easier with a small one...)

Molekh:
he reason Manson always has a litter box with him in the dressing room is because he saw (while in the future) that his future guitarist is a cat (chou-chou) and not wanting anyone to know, he started brining the litter box with him so when the cat needed it, people wouldn't be wondering where the cat was..

angelynx or tina
how could we have missed this obvious sign! jake! yer 1000% correct! i bet the litter box even contains chou chou's favorite litter! *gasp!*

molekh:
I'll try to find out what kind of litter it is in my next vision... what kind should it be, we could get Rev. Manson to switch to make sure Chou's happy. If he's not he might start to look real old and quit the band. I think that's why daisy quit. wrong brand of kitty litter. ok... i've said too much...

angelynx:
Aha! Chickenkiller had a dream in which she saw Mr. Manson **eating coleslaw!**

Our perceptive Reverend has already seen through the Telepathic Cabbages' plan and made short work of the impostor they sent to replace Daisy B. Probably had him as a side dish with a nice dinner of smoked victim =).

This can only enhance his own psychic abilities (already considerable). The Space Chickens must be so proud of him.

molekh:
>Chickenkiller had a dream in which she saw Mr. Manson **eating coleslaw!**<

This just reminded me that in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, the (Charlie) Bucket family ate NOTHING but CABBAGE. This means something.

angelynx:
By george, jake/molekh (what do you prefer?), you're right again. Or pretty darn close. (This sib's on a serious perceptive streak here.) I quote: "The only meals they could afford were bread and margarine for breakfast, boiled potatoes and cabbage for lunch, and cabbage soup for supper." (And they all looked forward to Sundays, because, even though they had nothing else to eat, they got second helpings.) Two meals of cabbage a day for a household of seven people is a whole lot of cabbage. I suspect we must once again credit Mr. Roald Dahl, Co-Architect of the Entire Manson Mythic Universe, with foreseeing the future --Or was he a time traveller also?-- and predicting the importance of cabbage to us all...