[fade to black]
[the cameras roll, and the viewing audience see a black sound stage. Daisy and Madonna are seated on high stools behind a pink and black tiled counter, with many palettes of eyeshadows containing colors not occurring in nature, tubes of lipstick, pots of gloss, and brushes; all emblazoned with the band logo and a slogan which can barely be made out: "if you don't look good, you're not putting enough lipstick on, and we still look good."]
Daisy: Hi, I'm Daisy Berkowitz...
Madonna: ...And I'm Madonna Wayne Gacy.
Daisy: We're from Marilyn Manson.
Madonna: Anyone who's gotten a good look at us knows how beautiful we are. So we figured, as a (smiles evilly into the camera) *positive* influence on today's kids, we'd share some of our beauty secrets.
Daisy: And that's why we decided to create our own line of makeup. We call it, "Marilyn Manson's Cocksucking Cosmetics". Madonna and I handle sales, Mr. Manson provides the appropriate musical accompaniment to infomercials such as these, Ginger lures... err I mean SCOUTS new modeling talent, and Twiggy is in charge of promotions. We did this because we know not everyone has quite the access we do to all the many facial enhancements out there on the market, and we want to help YOU, the viewer, achieve the undead transvestite streetwalker look without having to pay for all those costly makeovers and visits to the salon... tsk tsk. (shakes head)
Madonna: (holds up a bottle of almost-white foundation makeup) This is our foundation. It provides complete coverage over everything... scars, blemishes, pock marks, magic markers, human bites, yeast infections... etc. You got it, this'll hide it. And here's Ginger with our first model, to tell you a little more about the many colors our line offers...
(Ginger emerges from offstage somewhere with an 12-year-old girl. The girl's eyes have been heavily shadowed and lined with black kohl, and a luscious-looking shade of red lipstick has been smeared on her lips) Ginger: Hello all. This is Charlotte. She's wearing two of our more popular shades... "Pussy Hair Black", and "Cuntlip Vermilion". Don't they look nice?
Charlotte: Daddy thinks so.
Ginger: Yes he does. Smile for the viewing audience, Charlotte... (Charlotte smiles, revealing lipstick stains on her teeth, as well as a milky-white substance on her tongue we can't quite make out)
Daisy: Thanks Ginger. You know, (looks imploringly into the camera) we really believe in our products...
Madonna: ...Fuck, we have to slop them on every night. They'd better be good.
Daisy: That's why we're offering a moneyback guarantee -- if you're not completely satisfied, and being propositioned to do lewd things at least ten times in a thirty-day period, we'll give you your money back, as well as play a concert in your hometown and show you our favorite anal sex positions. Now, a brief musical interlude...
(the band assembles to play a somewhat altered version of "Cake & Sodomy")
I am the god of gloss... I am the god of gloss... cosmetics bought in quantity, herded by Max Factor company redlips-burnedout-housewife mind: "who said Avon calling isn't kind?" facial nation, evaluation, "use cotton swabs for color separation" lipstick, lipstick fascination won't stay on during oral copulation
white trash get down on your knees, time for cheap makeup freebies time for cheap makeup freebies.
I am the god of gloss... I am the god of gloss VCR's and vaseline, TV-fucked by plastic queens cash in hand and phone number on screen, who said mascara was ever clean? bible belt 'round anglo-waste, trying to put us in our place yeah, right, great if yer so good, why can't you hide those pimples on your face?
white trash get down on your knees, time for cheap makeup freebies time for cheap makeup freebies...
(boring cheesy generic infomercial trailer runs briefly)
Daisy: ...And we're back.
Madonna: As a special treat to you all out there, we've got a special guest via satellite... Robin? Are you there?
(cut to Robin Finck, grinning broadly and in full gothic stormtrooper drag)
Robin: Hi, I'm Robin Finck, and I play guitar for nine inch nails. When Trent is throwing bottles of Evian at me because the fistfucking keyboard doesn't work, do you think I have time to stop and worry about whether or not my eyeliner will run? Fuck no! That's why I *always* wear Marilyn Manson's Cocksucking Cosmetics. In addition to going on the skin smoothly and beautifully, and hiding my five o'clock shadow when I'm trying to hustle some sailors, they're also waterproof.
Madonna: That's right, Robin. And to prove how very strongly our products will repel water, we've set up a little test.
Robin: What? You didn't tell me about any t--...
Madonna: Ready, Danny?
Danny: (muffled, as if from about 20 feet away from the unsuspecting Robin) Ready.
Madonna: Go!
(a water bottle is hurled at Robin. It smacks the back of his head with a resounding }THWACK!{ and explodes in a spray of water reminiscent of those backyard sprinklers we all used to play in on hot summer days, thusly soaking everything within a 5-foot radius with expensive mineral water. Robin falls to the ground unconscious, and the camera zooms into his blissfully comatose face. Surprisingly, the water is beading off his fake eyelashes and squiggly eyeliner.)
Daisy: And there you have it, folks. A true display of how great Marilyn Manson's Cocksucking Cosmetics are. We're just about out of time here, so Madonna and I will leave you with this message from Twiggy...
Twiggy: (mumble mumble) ...scabs...
[fade to black]