Irresponsible Hat Anthem

Mr. Horrible: It's time to dig up my super-rare demo tapes, run them backwards through a distortion pedal, and try to decipher the lyrics of these missing songs. This is the best I can make out of them...

I wanted a new hat but my head was too wide
Went to a haberdasher, he saw starlight in my eyes
He said, "be famous, champagne your anus"
Turn children into weirdos just to see their parents pout
Wear it
Hey wizard, could you please hook me up?
Hey wizard, I need a hat that will give me luck.
He said "I'll fix 'em", drank some bat jizm
Did a dance then lit a fire and my hat popped right out
"Wear it!"
My hat decided to record a demo, blew some speakers and a light
I wasn't born with enough cash to watch it
It painted all my black clothes white
It better, better, better, better, not break this
Better, better, better not...AW HELL!
Bought a hat to aid me
But now it drains me
I am an idiot, that hat is just BAD LUCK
Burn it

That's quite a strange one indeed. I didn't realize how irresponsible the hat was until this listen. I'm glad he found a way to fix the problem in...