Cuz I'm gay.
No, just kidding. To tell you the truth I really can't explain this. I guess there's a number of reasons. 1) There aren't many girls to choose from in central NH 2) I've been hurt too many times 3) I don't know JACK SHIT about relationships and 4) an unemployed frustrated musician has no place asking out a girl.
Another thing to keep in mind is that I'm lousy at being social. If I'm around people I don't know I tend to kind of shy away a bit. It's just a natural impulse. When I was a kid I was really shy. I guess that's kind of rubbed off now. But when I'm with my friends I just cut loose. I go nuts. I'm just going nuts making an ass out of myself. That's what friends are for, I guess.
Let me tell you about this one incident....
An old girlfriend of mine, Kristen, dragged me along with her friends to a party. It was in another town so I didn't know anybody there. So imagine my suprise when I see a couple old friends there. COOL!
So, I proceed to get wasted. And why not? Everyone else was. Fuck it, I'm trying my best to have a good time. I'm surrounded by a bunch of fucks I don't know and don't really even want to know. I mean seriously. These were'nt my kind of people. They were blasting some really bad hip-hop music, they all just sat around looking like they just stepped off the set of Juice or a something with 2Pac in it and to say the least I wasn't having a good time.
So I'm wasted and I'm hanging with my two friends. I'm doing some funny shit making them laugh when Kristen grabs my arm and drags me off...
Her and her friends drive me home cuz I was 'being embarrassing and acting like an idiot.' I was too drunk to argue so I just shut up. But they next day she called and we got into a fight. I was pissed. "Why the fuck should I have to impress your mental patient friends?" "You were being an asshole, Chris." Keep in mind that she didn't care that I got drunk, but that I was being embarrassing. Like I give a fuck.
About a month later me and Kristen break up. I dumped her. Got sick of her shit. I mean she totally didn't treat me with respect. So why deal with it? Sometimes you just gotta kick 'em to the curb.
Yeah, so I have bad luck with girls. There's the one that dumped me and within a day was shamelessly screwing around with one of my friends, there's the one who ran off with some zit faced jock, there's the one who found out she was pregnant with some other guys kid...I mean it's a miracle I'm not gay. Seriously, is it possible to issue lawsuits? I thought I saw an After School Special once about some girl who sued a guy after he stood her up on prom night. Sounds a little too good to be true, though.
I'm such a geek when it comes to girls. Most of the relationships I've had just happen. I've always found it works best that way. I mean, I'm not the type who'd go to a bar and 'pick up a chick.' That's just not me. It's so impersonal. I'd rather just kick back and have a good time with a member of the opposite sex. Whether that involves fucking like porn stars or playing mini golf depends on the situation. When I was out in San Fransisco visiting my good pal Jen, we were at this club. I was just sitting there playing pinball when this cute girl comes and joins me. She was nice and the precious few minutes I had with her were cool. I mean, we were just playing some lame pinball game but it was fun. Then Jen and her boyfriend said we had to go. Bummer.
There was this older girl who used to come into Subway when I worked there. She was fucking GORGEOUS. Literally the most beautiful woman I've EVER seen. Everything about her just screamed perfection. She'd come in and actually TALK to me. I had to pinch myself cuz this girl was actually volentarily TALKING to me. I wish to God that I got her phone number. To this day I'm still kicking myself. Maybe I'll run into her up town one of these days. Hmmmmm
Who knows? And who the fuck cares? I can barely get my shit together to take care of myself let alone sustain a successful relationship. Does that upset me? Nah. Fuck it, man. One of these days my significant other, Mrs. Chris Neri, will show up and laugh with me as I get drunk and embarrass her at parties. She'll laugh at all my jokes no matter how bad they are. She'll sit with me and watch endless hours of Battlestar Galactica. She won't mind my porno collection. We'll go to the comic shop hand in hand. We'll fuck in public places. She'll invite her hottie friends into three-ways. I'm getting kinda carried away but you get the idea...
Maybe I'm just in my prime and I need to 'sow my wild oats'. I love older women. I still have to get seduced by an older woman before I settle down. Maybe Mimi Rogers or Linda Fiorentino will seduce me or something. I AM going to see Lost in Space tonight. Better bring the kleenex. heh heh
Just kidding, you pricks.
Chris, 4/4/98 7:00PM