GORMAN RIVALRY

I think most Oasis fans have visited or have heard of Derek Gorman's website, "OasisNews.com." I think a lot of fans are fed up with his attitude and his page. I don't wanna be a part of the whole dispute...and I don't care if you like his page or not. But I happened to read that he was posting some items on his page that were personal, such as "Liam's love letter to Patsy." -(And other items like that.) I'm pretty sure he was told to remove some of the items from his page. Anyway, this WR spin-off is a confrontation between Derek Gorman and his "idol," Liam Gallagher.

Liam: How do you feel about the fact that, already, you have violated my privacy by posting personal stuff on your web page?

Gorman: I'm into it, me. But at the end of the day, I go home and get a call from Oasis management. And I do. They call me up and go, "Why are you posting personal items & printing lies in your news section, you little tinker?".

Liam: Did you get a call after you posted my love letter to Patsy?

Gorman: Oh yeah, I get it all the time. They call me up & go, "You f****n' daft bastard." Know what I mean?

Liam: You're getting a reputation, ...

Gorman: I like the way it's bubbling up. People visit my page over and over and over again. I like that, me. I want to get 2000 people on my page every hour who are there because it's run by me. I want to be the best webmaster in the world.

Liam: Woah. Hang on a minute. That's not why people visit your page.

Gorman: It is.

Liam: Alright. Well if you think they visit your page just 'cos you're the webmaster, you're wrong. They couldn't care less about who runs the page. They visit it to read about Oasis. D'you think anyone visits your page just to read that column where you write about what's going on in your life? Me, Noel, Whitey, Guigsy, and Bonehead...we're the musicians, right? Not you.

Gorman: You're only gutted 'cos I have a better webpage than you.

Liam: Shut up. I don't want a fookin' webpage. You think it's cool to sit in front of your computer all day...

Gorman: I don't.

Liam: Shut up, man! You think it's cool to spend all your time trying to make the biggest Oasis news site. Do you know what I say? I say, "Nah. being cool is doing a gig, playing music, and being in one of the world's biggest bands." Not having one of the world's biggest websites. That's not important, that's nonsense. And if you keep posting personal stuff you're gonna get fined a thousand pounds.

Gorman: I won't at all. You can stick your thousands pounds right up yer arse 'till it comes out your f****n' big toe.

Liam: If you think having a web page is some great thing...

Gorman: Having a web page is about expressing yourself. And I go on that page and I post information about Oasis and I write about myself and my interests.

Liam: But Oasis fans don't care about what you're up to. -And if they do then it's only cause you immitate me and you wanna be.

Gorman: I wanna be you? Is that what you're saying?

Liam: Yeah. You gotta get your own life.

Gorman: I've got a life! I've got a life!

Liam: You haven't if you just go around trying to act like me.

Gorman: I don't do that at all.

Liam: I laugh about it. And as far as I'm concerned, it's funny. Now I'm looking at you and you're dressed just like me, and I laugh about it and I think, Yeah, f****n' good, man. You idolize me. That's reality, mate.

Gorman: I don't know what you're talking about.

Liam: You spend 12 hours a day on my front lawn...you dress like me...you walk like me...you worship me. That's what I'm talking about.

Gorman: The thing is, you're not my idol. I love Oasis, and you're a top singer...but I'm still my own person.

Liam: Are you?

Gorman: Yeah. I am.

Liam: I think that's a load of bullsh*t, man.

Gorman: Fine. You don't speak for me. I'm my own person!

Liam: You don't speak for yourself. You just try to talk like me.

Gorman: I speak for myself. I'm speaking now for myself. And I'm into it. I'm into all that fookin' sh*t. I have my own personality and my own identity. I am Liam Gallagher! ...I mean Derek Gorman. I am Derek Gorman. -Yeah, that's it.

Liam: Look, I don't care if you try to act like me. Just stop putting all that personal stuff on your homepage. That stuff belongs to Oasis! You're not with the band!

Gorman: Nah, nah, nah. There's no rules. Show me the rule book. 'Cos if you've got a rule book, what you're saying is complete and utter f****n' Bloooarskybluh!

Liam: There are rules. -Copyright rules.

Gorman: I'm having the crack. It's not doing anyone any harm. People like my page.

Liam: What about when somebody else makes an oasis news site that's more popular than yours. You're up for that?

Gorman: People are sat infront of their computers, right now, infront of all kind of computers, whether it be MacIntosh, IBM, Compaq, Packard Bell,...And they're looking at my page. And my page is going to get better and better...and bigger and bigger. Soon everyone will visit my page, even if they don't like Oasis. I'm going to keep adding more stuff, and people will be amazed. By the year 2002 I'm going to rule the world wide web, and I'll be world famous. -But I'm not stopping there. Soon I'm gonna be the ruler of the world, and everyone who criticizes me or my page will be executed. SOON THE WORLD WILL BE MINE!!!!! -And I'm gonna put you and all the rest of Oasis in a cage in my basement and you will be my pets and perform concerts for me. You can call me master.

Liam: You need help, man!! How often do you go to a therapist?

Gorman: Every day.

Liam: You need to go hourly.

Gorman: I'm not going to f*** off because you think my views are too outrageous or whatever. I've got my vibe, and I go to my computer, and I do my business. That's what it's all about.

Liam: Do you have any recurring dreams?

Gorman: Yeah. Just the one where I steal your soul so it inhabits my body and I become you.

Liam: (Fearfully) I'm calling the police.