Liam's Creek: Episode #1: Shave Along With Me
Patsy: (knocks on bathroom door) Liam, Liam? Are you going to come out of there sometime today? (Long pause) Liam..please. Answer me before I knock the bloody door down.
Liam: Fook off.
Patsy: Liam, you've been in there for nearly 2 hours now, c'mon out!
Liam: Leave me alone.
Patsy: Liam, what's wrong? Tell me.
Liam: Aaaah, go away woman!
Patsy: Open up this door Liam. Open up this barrier to our relationship so we can talk. We need to talk.
Liam: What the hell are you talking about?
Patsy: I'm talking about us, Liam. We have to talk..I can tell something is wrong and you need to tell me about it.
Liam: Go AWAY!
Patsy: That's it, then. You leave me no choice but to break the door down. (Runs full speed towards the door. Just as she's about to fly into it, Liam opens the door and she goes hurling across the bathroom floor.
(empty beer cans are all over the place)
Patsy: You've been drinking!?
Liam: (Is sitting with his back turned to Patsy, facing the bathroom mirror.)
Patsy: (Looks at Liam's reflection in the mirror and sees a tear falling down his cheek.) Liam, what's wrong?
Liam: What's wrong? What's wrong? I'll fookin' tell yer what's wrong. (Points to his uni-brow) That's what's wrong! I'm ugly. U-G-L-Y...ugly!! And it's all because of this stupid bloody uni-brow. Normal people don't have uni-brows..they have two separate eyebrows. Imagine it Patsy, two separte eyebrows! Oh how gloriously wonderful that would be..if I had two separate eyebrows like everyone else. (Starts sobbing uncontrolably)
Patsy: It's okay.
Liam: No it's not okay, dammit! And I'm gonna do something about it. Where's your lady gilette razor?
Patsy: It's right there on the counter, why?
Liam: I'll show you why. (insert dramatic background music) (picks up the razor and places it above his nose)
Patsy: Don't do it Liam!!!!
Liam: Patsy, this is something I have to do. You wouldn't understand.
Patsy: (Runs towards Liam and grabs his arm. They engage in a struggle, but Liam manages to pull his arm free and once again places the razor above his nose.)
Liam: It's time to separate this uni-brow. Oh, how I've been waiting for this moment! (Starts laughing like a maniac)
Patsy: No Liam, please! You're drunk..you don't know what you're doing and you're going to regret this once you sober up.
Liam: But look at me..I'm a freak!
Patsy: No Liam, you're not a freak..you're just different! And being different is being great!! Haven't you ever seen the commercials for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?!
Liam: How can you possibly think that having a uni-brow is great?
Patsy: Because it makes you unique, Liam. It's special..you're secial.
Liam: Do you mean that?
Patsy: You know I do.
Liam: So, you don't think this uni-brow makes me unattractive?
Patsy: Well yes, of course it does, but that's beside the point! It helps you stand out from the crowd. When people see that uni-brow they know it's you. If you shave it, you'll regret it. Take away that uni-brow and you take away your identity.
Liam: (Pulls the razor away from his face and turns towards Patsy)
Patsy: That's it Liam..put the razor down. You can do it. Just drop the razor.
Liam: (A dramatic close-up of Liam's hand....he slowly releases his grip on the razor and it drops to the bathroom floor in slow motion, breaking into half when it hits the ground.)
Patsy: (Runs towards Liam and leaps into his arms) Oh, I'm so proud of you Liam. I'm so proud. Everything's going to be okay now.
Woah. That was a close one wasn't it? And if you thought that episode was dramatic, wait until you get aload of the next one! I didn't write it yet, but I'm sure it'll be even more, um, dramaticer! lol