Shock Rivalry
Since Mother's day is coming up, I decided to do a Wibbling Rivalry Spin-off about Liam & Noel's "mum"...Peggy Gallagher.
This spin-off is about the arguement that took place when Liam told his mum that he was gonna marry Patsy Kensit. What a shocker that must've been!
LIAM: MUM, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I TOLD YOU THAT I'VE DECIDED TO MARRY PATSY KENSIT?
PEGGY: I DON'T BELIEVE IT! AT THE END OF THE DAY YOU'LL GO HOME AND SHE'LL BE WITH ANOTHER ROCK STAR. AND SHE WILL. SHE'LL JUST STAY WITH YOU FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND THEN GO RUN OFF WITH ANOTHER LITTLE TINKER.
LIAM: SHE WON'T DO THAT.
PEGGY: OH YEAH, SHE DOES IT ALL THE TIME. SHE'LL LOOK AT YOU AND GO, "I'M LEAVING YOU, YOU F*****G DAFT LOSER." KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
LIAM: THAT'S JUST A REPUTATION, RIGHT...
PEGGY: I DON'T LIKE THE WAY THIS IS BUBBLING UP. SHE REMINDS ME OF ELIZABETH TAYLOR ALL OVER AGAIN. I DON'T LIKE THAT, ME. SHE WANTS TO GET YOU TO BUY HER A NICE GAFF BUT THEN SHE'LL LEAVE YOU. AFTER A YEAR OR TWO SHE WON'T BE THERE...
LIAM: WOAH. HANG ON A MINUTE. THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE'S ON ABOUT.
PEGGY: SHE IS.
LIAM: SHE'S JUST GOT A BAD REPUTATION, ABOUT GOING FROM MAN TO MAN. GETTING A REPUTATION FOR BEING CHEAP ISN'T SUMMAT SHE'S PROUD ABOUT.
PEGGY: WELL I THINK SHE IS, LA.
LIAM: ALRIGHT. WELL IF YOU THINK SHE'S PROUD ABOUT HAVING A BAD REPUTATION WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER WHAT SHE THINKS ABOUT IT? SHE'S A NICE LADY, ALRIGHT? SHE'S NOT PROUD OF HAVING A BAD REPUTATION.
PEGGY: WELL, HERE'S A QUOTE FROM AN ARTICLE IN THE DAILY MIRROR...
LIAM: THAT MAGAZINE IS A F****N' PIECE OF SHITE...
PEGGY: BE QUIET, YOU LITTLE TINKER. YOU GO GET ENGAGED TO PATSY AFTER HAVING AN "ON AGAIN - OFF AGAIN" RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. SHE'S LIKELY TO LEAVE YOU AT THE ALTAR LIKE A FREAKIN' IDIOT AT YOUR OWN FREAKIN' WEDDING.
LIAM: THAT WOULD BE A BAD MOVE...
PEGGY: WELL DON'T BE SURPRISED IF THAT HAPPENS. YOU'LL BE STANDING ALL ALONE SAYING, "WHAT THE F*** WAS I THINKING?"
LIAM: NO I WON'T.
PEGGY: BE QUIET, MAN! YOU THINK IT WON'T HAPPEN. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY? I SAY, "NAH. BEING MARRIED IS BEING FAITHFUL, BEING HONEST, COMING BACK AND SAYING YOU GAVE THE MARRIAGE YOUR ALL." ...IT'S NOT GETTING MARRIED TO WHOEVER HAPPENS TO BE FAMOUS AT THE TIME AND THEN DUMPING HIM FOR SOMEONE ELSE. THAT'S IMMORAL, AND I WON'T STAND FOR IT.
LIAM: SHE'S NOT UP FOR BEING SEEN AS A BAD WIFE, AND I KNOW SHE'LL BE A WONDERFUL WIFE TO ME. AND WHAT HAPPENED WITH HER FIRST TWO HUSBANDS, RIGHT, IS SHE MADE A COUPLE MISTAKES, RIGHT, 'COS SHE DIDN'T LOVE THEM. SHE JUST MADE SOME MISTAKES. SHE ADMITS IT.
PEGGY: IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT HER PREVIOUS MARRIAGES. IT'S ALSO ABOUT THE CLOTHES SHE WEARS, THE PICTURES SHE POSES FOR, THE MOVIES SHE STARS IN. I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU, THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME, IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT HOW I FEEL. I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.
LIAM: WHY THE F*** DON'T YOU WANT ME TO GET MARRIED THEN?
PEGGY: WHO SAYS I WON'T LET YOU GET MARRIED?
LIAM: YOU'RE TRYING TO WARN ME NOT TO MARRY THE WOMAN I LOVE. SHE'LL BE THE BEST WIFE ON THE PLANET. OR ONE OF 'EM.
PEGGY: NO SHE'S WON'T. SHE'S ALREADY HAD TWO HUSBANDS THAT SHE WAS UNFAITHFUL TO.
LIAM: (SUPER-INDIGNANT) WHAT? 'COS SHE GOT DIVORCED TWICE! BECAUSE PATSY GOT DIVORCED TWICE THAT MEANS SHE'S UNFAITHFUL? NO WAY! BULLSH*T! BULLSH*T!
PEGGY: YOU'RE NOT STUPID. ARE YOU? I WANT YOU TO MARRY A WOMAN WHO WILL BE GOOD TO YOU. I DON'T WANT YOU TO MAKE A MISTAKE. (EXASPERATEDLY) WHY DON'T YOU JUST DATE HER INSTEAD MAKING SUCH A STRONG COMMITMENT?
LIAM: 'COS I DON'T WANT TO. I WANNA MARRY HER & THERE'S NOTHING THAT WILL STOP ME.
PEGGY: PATSY WALKS AROUND DRESSED IN REVEALING CLOTHING AND TRYS TO GET ALL THE GUYS TO PAY ATTENTION TO HER. SHE GOES "PSST," AND KNOCKS ON STRANGERS DOORS.
LIAM: THAT'S ONLY WHEN SHE'S BUYING CRACK. IT'S NOT DOING ANYONE ANY HARM. THAT'S HOW SHE GETS GOOD DEALS ON DRUGS...BY FLIRTING WITH GUYS, BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.
PEGGY: WELL,WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THEN? IT'S ALRIGHT IF SHE FLIRTS WITH OTHER MEN AS LONG AS SHE CAN TRICK THEM INTO GIVING HER DRUGS? IS THAT ONE OF THE MANY THINGS THAT YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ABOUT HER?
LIAM: SHE ONLY DID THAT TWICE. DON'T GET HUNG UP ABOUT A SITUATION THAT OCCURED TWICE!
PEGGY: LET'S GO BACK TO THE ARTICLE IN "THE DAILY MIRROR" IT SAID, "I SEE PATSY KENSIT GOING OUT WITH TONS OF MEN, SHE JUST WANTS WHOEVER IS FAMOUS AT THE TIME, BUT THEN IF YOU LOSE YOUR FAME SHE'LL BE GONE THE NEXT NIGHT..." YOU'RE UP FOR THAT?
LIAM: YOU CAN'T BELIEVE THAT STUFF. TABLOID JOURNALISTS ARE SAT IN THEIR OFFICES, RIGHT NOW, IN OFFICES ACROSS THIS COUNTRY, WHETHER IT BE GLASGOW, MANCHESTER, BIRMINGHAM, LONDON, LEEDS, LIVERPOOL, SHEFFIELD...IN THEIR OFFICES. AND THEY'RE ALL THINKING OF WHAT LIES THEY CAN MAKE UP NEXT. THAT'S A PART OF BEING FAMOUS.
PEGGY: YEAH. I KNOW THAT'S WHAT TABLOID JOURNALISTS ARE ABOUT. I HONESTLY DO HOPE ALL THOSE ARTICLES ARE LIES AND YOU & PATSY WILL MAKE A GREAT COUPLE AND PROVE EVERYONE WRONG. BUT I WANT YOU TO REALIZE THERE'S A LINE BETWEEN GOOD TASTE & BAD TASTE AND IN MY OPINION PATSY IS ON THE WRONG SIDE OF IT. I JUST HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO.
LIAM: HOW OFTEN DO I DO THINGS WITHOUT BEING FULLY PREPARED?
PEGGY: EVERY DAY, HOURLY!!
LIAM: DO YOU HAVE ANY RECURRING DREAMS?
PEGGY: YEAH. JUST THE ONE.
LIAM: WHAT?
PEGGY: THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH PATSY WILL SOON BE OVER.
*well, as we all know patsy & liam have already been married for a year & I think that's a lot longer than anyone expected. I thought it'd last about half an hour.