The "I"s and "Me"s in this story do not refer to me, they refer to the original author(I, of course, have no idea who that is). The author claims that this is atrue story.
On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday cashI need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold isa $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person.I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have toworry about people getting pissed at me because they have to wait for themanager to come out and open the safe to get change.
Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."
Employee: "Is that it?"
Me: "Yep."
Employee: "That'll be $1.04, eat here?"
Me: "No, it's to go."
At this point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.
Employee: "Um, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."
He goes to talk to his manager, who happens to be within earshot.
Employee: "Hey, have you ever seen a $2 bill?"
Manager: "No. A what?"
Employee: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
Manager: "Ask for something else, there's no such thing as a $2 bill."
Employee: "Yeah, thought so."
The employee comes back out to where I'm standing.
Employee: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?"
Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"
Employee: "I don't know."
Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"
Employee: "Yeah."
Me: "So, shouldn't you take it?"
Employee: "Well, hang on a sec."
He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to shoplift.
Employee: "He says I have to take it."
Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
Employee: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change."
Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here."
Employee: "What should I do?"
Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."
Employee: "I can't tell him that, you tell him."
Manager: "Just tell him."
Employee: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."
The employee disappears in the back somewhere and the manager approaches me.
Manager: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night."[it was 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mallwith a lot of other stores.]
Me: "Well, here's a two."
Manager: "We don't take those either."
Me: "Why the hell not?"
Manager: "I think you know why."
Me: "No really, tell me, why?"
Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."
Me: "What the hell for?"
Manager: "Please, sir."
Me: "Go ahead, call them."
Manager: "Would you please just leave?"
Me: "No."
Manager: "Fine, have it your way then."
Me: "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?"
At this point he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phonearound the corner. Two people are staring at me from the dining area,and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this45 year oldish guy comes in and talks to the manager at the other end ofcounter, in a whisper.
Security Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"
Manager: "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money."
Security Guard: "Really? What?"
Manager: "Get this: a two dollar bill."
Security Guard: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?"
Manager: "I don't know why. He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is a fifty."
Security Guard: "So, the fifty's fake?"
Manager: "No, the $2 bill is."
Security Guard: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?"
Manager: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?"
Security Guard: "Yeah..."
The security guard walks over to me.
Security Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use."
Me: "No, I don't have any 'fake' bills."
Security Guard: "Lemme see 'em."
Me: "Why?"
Security Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"
At this point I was ready to say, "Sure, please do", but I wanted to eat, so I bit my tongue.
Me: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill."
I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking aswing at him. He takes the bill and turns it over a few times in his hands.
Security Guard: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
Manager: "It's fake."
Security Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."
Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill!"
Security Guard: "Yeah?"
Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"
The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and itdawned on the guy that he had no clue. My burrito was free and he threw in asmall drink and those cinnamon things, too. Makes me want to get a wholestack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I gotthe right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. At least you get free food.