• Wax the ceiling.

• Loosen the lug nuts on your dad's new car.

• Drop your cat from a high place to see if it really does land on all four feet.

• Repeat above until failure.

• Rearrange political campaign signs.

• Sharpen your teeth.

• Play Houdini with one of your siblings.

• Braid your dog's hair.

• Clean and polish your belly button.

• Water your dog...see if he grows.

• Wash a tree.

• Knight yourself and some close friends.

• Flirt with an evergreen.

• Scare Steven King.

• Give your cat a mohawk.

• Mow your carpet.

• Rake your carpet (to clean up the clippings).

• Re-elect Richard Nixon.

• Listen to a painting.

• Play with matches.

• Buff your cat.

• Raise professional racing ferrets.

• Paint your home...day-glo orange.

• Dial-a-Prayer and argue.

• Watch the sun...see if it moves.

• Recite romantic poetry...to your toaster.

• Paint your windows.

• Flash your goldfish.

• Shoot at a fire hydrant.

• Apologize to it.

• See if you really can build a small nuclear device in your basement.

• Rotate your garden...daily.

• Plant a shoe.

• Give a Rorschach (Ink-blot) Test to your gerbil.

• Take apart all your major kitchen appliances.

• Mix and match the parts.

• Turn your TV picture tube upside down.

• Take your sofa for a walk.

• Dial 911...breathe heavily.

• Go to a funeral...tell jokes.

• Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets.

• Starch your shoes.

• Contemplate a cockroach.

• Get a dog to chase your car.

• Let him catch it.

• Form a political party.

• Throw a political party.

• Climb a sidewalk.

• Ride a loaf of bread.

• Annoy yourself.

• Get angry with yourself.

• Stop speaking to yourself.

• Kiss and make-up.

• Stand on your head.

• Stand on someone else's head.

• Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire.

• Build a pyramid.

• Paint your teeth.

• Wear a salad.

• Speak with a forked tongue.

• Walk on water...but don't get caught.

• Shave a shrub.

• Have a proton fight.

• Watch a car rust.

• Confess to a crime that you didn't commit.

• Learn to type...with your toes.

• Buy the Brooklyn Bridge.

• Mail it to a friend.

• Be in the wrong place at the right time.

• Be someone special.

• Plot the overthrow of your local School Board.

• Request covert assistance from the CIA.

• Factor your social security number.

• Read the Des Moines White Pages.

• Exist...existentially of course.

• Search for buried treasure...in Nebraska.

• Hot wax the bottoms of your brother's dress shoes.

• Print counterfeit Confederate money.

• Kick a cabbage.

• Sand a mushroom.

• Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor.

• Play solitare...for cash.

• Abuse your patio furniture.

• Run for Pope.

• If you don't win, run for God.

• If you still don't win, run for Mayor of Toledo.

• Write a book about a previous life.

• Count to a million...fast.

• Have your cat bronzed.

• Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins.

• Sleep on a bed of nails.

• Think shallow thoughts.

• Run around in squares.

• Boil ice cream.

• Carve your girl/boyfriend's initials...in a marshmallow.

• Converse...with a flatworm.

• Speak in acronyms.

• Drive the speed limit...in your garage.

• Make a schematic drawing...of a rock.

• Sing the National Anthem...during your calculus final.

• Pay off the national debt...with a bad check.

• Calmly have a nervous breakdown.

• Give your goldfish a perm.

• Fly a brick.

• Play tag...on the nearest interstate.

• Go to a cemetary and verbally abuse dead people.

• Paint stripes on a lake.

• Ski Kansas.

• Test thin ice...with a pogo stick.

• Apply for a Unicorn Hunting License.

• Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes.

• Be a side effect.

• Ride a bicycle...up Mt. McKinley.

• Play hockey with your little cousin...as the puck.

• Redecorate your garage.

• Make a deal with the Devil...keep your fingers crossed.

• Put legwarmers on all your furniture.

• Cause a power failure.

• Pour instant concrete in your brother's waterbed.

• Give a lecture tour on the historical significance of cream cheese.

• Debate politics with a fern.

• Donate your brother's body to science.

• Join Hell's Angels by mail.

• Give your cat a suntan...in the microwave.

• Ask stupid questions.

• Surf Ohio.

• Have your first statement of bankruptcy framed.

• Solve the population problem. i.e. x + y - x = population; solve for x.

• Contribute to the population problem.

• Interview a cloud.

• Play tiddly-winks...go for blood.

• Skydive...to church.

• Send the president an alarm clock...wind it up first.

• Do aerobics...in your head.

• Found a cockroach stable and stud farm.

• Send your goldfish to obedience school.

• Pinstripe your driveway.

• Play "kick the fire-hydrant."

• Harness chipmunk power.

• Mug a stop sign.

• Change your name...daily.

• Go for a walk...in the attic.

• Challenge the neighbor kid to duel.

• Find out how many ways there really are to skin a cat.

• Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids.

• Boldly go where no man has gone before.

• Re-establish the Roman Empire...in Toronto.

• Have your car painted plaid.

• Found the TLO (Toledo Liberation Organization).

• Play nuclear chicken with a small third world nation.

• Race turnips.

• Sharpen your sleeping skills.

• Ionize your new chemistry professor (remember you took the heat capacity of the first one).

• Make a lifesized replica of the Statue of Liberty...out of grape jello.

• Tree a goldfish.

• Bury your father's Nissan.

• Tell him the dog did it.

• Place your cat in hyper-space.

• Again tell your dad the dog did it.

• Find out where all these cylinders graduated from.

• Perfect the internal cumbustion telephone.

• Prove once and for all that a cow can jump over the moon.

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