By Billy Scrote
Sat in the pub,
Eating Dolly Mixtures,
Chewing away,
While admiring the fixtures.
I'll go get a drink,
I'll get you one too,
Please hold my bag,
While I go to the loo.
I'll be back in a mo,
Don't you dare nick them,
Pick up the jellies,
And suck them or lick them.
I'm still feeling hungry,
Sat here in the pub,
I wonder if they do,
Some delicious pub grub.
I'll look at the menu,
And buy me a feast,
'Cause when I went to the toilet,
I shat out a beast.
I looked to inspect it,
It was all full of corn,
Oh God, it's amazing,
The beauty I'd born.
I ordered fish fingers,
Ate them - felt full,
Now I'm contented,
It's time to go pull!
By Billy Scrote
Two pints of bitter,
And a packet of nuts,
I can't get through,
'Cause of nobheads and sluts.
Out of my way,
You big ugly mingers,
You smell of Old Spice,
My God, how it lingers.
I'm getting impatient,
I only want beer,
God only knows,
Why I keep coming here.
I get to the barmaid,
Her name is Lottie,
She's a right ol' slapper,
And her teeth are all grotty.
Her breath smells more rancid,
Than nuclear waste,
She came on to me,
But I've got better taste.
Two pints of bitter,
And a packet of nuts,
To get off with her,
You've got to have guts.
By Billy Scrote
You're only new here,
I've been here for years,
Do that again,
And I'll have you in tears.
You question my orders,
You thick little runt,
How dare you call me,
A fat ugly cunt!
I am better than you,
How dare you talk back,
Say that again,
And I'll get you the sack.
You're only slave labour,
Now do what I say,
Sweep up and brew up,
And empty my tray.
I am your boss,
Don't be mistaken,
Get me some coffee,
And fry me some bacon.
Still don't want to listen?
I'll skin you alive,
Here then you fucker,
Is your P45.
