By Fanny Scranitch
I'm in my garden,
It's lovely.
It's wank.
I smell the flowers,
they tickle my nose.
Rip them up,
burn them all.
It's just me in the garden
and me!
I'm here too
I don't fucking want to be though
We never do what I want to do.
I'm out for a walk
Noooo! Let's go back
I'd rather be in the pub
I might see the horses
They're nice
They're bloody awful!
They make me sneeze.
And now I'm skipping beside them
That's it. I'm going home.
What's happening?
Where are my legs taking me?
Away from this shit,
to somewhere warm.
Oh well, there's always tomorrow.
By Fanny Scranitch
I love you I do
You're the best in the place
Although I don't like it when you sneeze in my face
You burp in my ear
And fart up my nose
You do try to tell me that I'll grow to love those
I love you I do
You're a marvellous bloke
You like to set of my asthma with your cigarette smoke
You feast on your ear wax
While I'm drinking my wine
And then think it'd be great to try some of mine
I love you I do
But hang on a tick
Reading this back
You're a bit of a prick
Why do I love you?
I've decided I don't
I'll be leaving you now,
Don't think I'll be back...
'Cos I won't.
By Fanny Scranitch
I'll get my coat,
It's time to leave,
Some dirty bastard,
Has spat on my sleeve.
'Phone me a taxi,
It's time to go home,
Back to where,
The buffalo roam.
