OK, hold on to your dentures kids, we're goin' on a HELL ride!

OK, first things,

I hate workin' in a place where I am totally unappreciated, and have no chance of ever moving forward, I mean everyone I work with thinks I'm nothin' but a fuckin' freak, so of course, I have to act like one, tell them all I'm like the antichrist, and they believe me, damn fools.... also....

I'm tired of being scarred in the one place I know I'll never heal, my heart. All my ex's (except for one, and you know who are, so stop yelling at me) cheated on me, left me for a friend, or a combination of both. I guess I'm never gonna fuckin' learn that I'm not meant to be happy, I mean, I get told by a few of my ex's that they miss me and screwed up by doing what they did to me, and they could have been so happy, but as my father said once to me "I have an attic full of sorries, and there's no room for anymore."..... also....

I had a job that I would call people all day and hear their whinny little excuses for not paying bills, now I worked for a well known company, so I'm not gonna use their name, but all I heard was "I lost my job 2 years ago, my dog died, that's why I can't pay my bills." SO GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND GET A FUCKIN' JOB INSTEAD OF WATCHIN' OPRAH ALL DAMN DAY!!!!! I mean I understand some people CAN'T work, that's cool, but the losers that jack-off at underwear commercials all day are just a waste of flesh and space.... also....

Now please don't get me wrong on this one.... I have a LOT for friends, but almost all of them have stabbed me in the back more than once, now there are execptions to this rule, like my roommates from Boise. When I was living in my car, they told me I have to stay with them, because I worked with one of them, E. She knew that I couldn't do my job correctly with my bedroom being the front seat of a '86 Pontiac 6000 LE, and no place to shave, shower or do laundry. Mainly the only friends that haven't screwed me are the ones that I have linked, but even some of them have screwed me here and there...(and you know who you are, and so he stops whining, Wishmaster isn't one of them)..and the few of you who haven't, please, I implore you, DO NOT make me totally hate humanity and feel even more empty than I already am..... also.....

Now, I know everyone's gonna say to me "But Raven, you're a musician" but you gotta hear me out on this one. Now I know there are some fuckin' amazing bands out there, In Flames, Iced Earth, Megadeth, Sentenced, and all those kinda guyz, which in my mind are fuckin' great. What I mean is the poser faggot pretty boys and future crack whore porn stars like Brittney Spears, Backstreet Boys, N*Sync, and all those losers. They are NOT artists. They can't play their own instruments, and if they didn't have everything handed to them on a silver platter, they would still be in whatever fuckin' state they come from in a run down bar playing their sucky "music", and I put that in quotes because it's not music. If MTV didn't need ratings, no one would have heard for them. I mean you have a hit song then all of the sudden you're like a god. If you don't agree with me, tell me and prove me wrong, chances are, you can't. My band works hard, the only reason we haven't played out yet is because we want our shit to be to OUR standards. We don't care if we get airplay or whatever, but we wanna make sure we play what we like and what our fans want. Any band that works their collective asses off by touring and promoting themselves, bands that not alot of people have heard of, THOSE people are musicians. Anyone that was on the "Mickey Mouse Club" or "Star Search" because their mommies put them on there, or are rich from riding the coat-tails of some gawddamn fad deserves to be drug out into the street and shot. Now I've admitted I HATE country music... especially Garth Brooks, but I do want to say Garth has my respect as a musician, he did work very hard to get where he is today, but I still hate his fuckin' guts. I think all music went down hill after MTV took off the Headbanger's Ball and replaced it with like "The Diary of Christina Aguilera" or whoever the fuck they have on there in that stupid ass, teeny bopper, "If MTV didn't exist, I couldn't pay people enough money to see my shows" fuckin' genre. OK, now that's off my chest, the next topic is......

I mean, to be living in the most powerful country in the world, and still be the laughing stock of it suxx big donkey dick because of a horny president that can't keep his schlong in his drawers, but bangs any fat, ugly chick that knows or works with. And what's with "I did marijuana, but I never inhaled."??? I mean what's the fuckin' point of doing it then? Once again, don't get me wrong, I have been drug free for almost 4 years now, and I don't condone drug use, but I don't have anything against it. I've been there so I can't tell someone "You're wrong for doing it" because it's like the pot calling the fuckin' kettle black (good analogy, hehehehe). Anyways, we all gotta do somethin' to take the edge off of everyday life, some do drugs, some drink (guilty), some smoke (guilty), and then their are those who don't do any of the above, but that's a boring life to live.

Sorry, I'm goin' way off on a tangent here, but fuck it, it's my bitch forum... so where was I, oh yea, shit that suxx about life.... you know what else really pisses me off....

How can it be acceptable for people to do the things they do in life? Serial killers, rapists, woman abusers, and all the other dumbfucks I have forgotten, how the fuck can some of these people get a slap on the wrist for their crimes? "Oh, she was askin' for it by the way she was dressed." or "I work all day and I deserve a clean home and dinner on the table, if not she's put in place right quick." Now I'm a man...sometimes I'm not proud to admit that, but I am, and I think alot of the laws in this world are created with men in mind, and it blows fuck.... what else suxx... oh yea

These days you have to know everyone to get anything in the world, now maybe it's just that I'm jealous from while I was still in high school and was nothin' but an outcast, but I mean these days it's not what you know, it's who you know to get anything... or in some cases... who you blow. If you're not the coolest person in the world, you're shit. Which brings me to my next subject....

Just because we are young, and part of the dreaded "Generation X" doesn't mean jack shit. Generation X gets such a bad rap, "You kids don't care about anything but partying and that stuff", well who are the ones that gave us that rap, ADULTS!!!!!! I think they say that because they're jealous that we are doing what we want and not living by anyone else's standards but our own. I mean not EVERYONE in Generation X is a drug addicted, alcoholic, sex fiend...I mean it's fun to be all that, but not all of us are like that. Just because you have a few earrings, or tattoos, or like to wear leather jackets, ripped jeans, and T-shirts, you're a worthless piece of shit. People judge too quickly on apperance and not looking for what matters, the heart and soul of a person. The main reason I do things like tattoos or get body piercings is because I wanna make a statement (I sound like Fiona fuckin' Apple here, don't I?), but I want people to see past the rough guy look and the "I don't give a fuck about you or your life" attitude to see that I am a very intellegent, quick witted, gifted young man.... with a few problems of course.

.....and the thing I hate the motherfuckin' most....

I hate being alone, I mean I have great friends that care about me, but they don't make me feel fullfilled like I would be if I had someone special in my life. That's the main reason I am the way I am, I have no one to say out of the blue "Hey Raven, I love you....for you, no other reason." I search for that person but then I get discouraged when I think I may have found them, but then they act as if I don't exist and I end up thinking something is wrong with me, so I try and drown my sorrows in alcohol or music, but neither of them can fill the empty void in my life that I need. Sometimes I wish I could just lie in bed with someone and hold them until I wake up in the morning, but I know that's one thing I can never do, because no one can love a sick twisted freak.

My feelings on September 11th 2001

Now I had to make another page for this, so click here to see how I feel about it.

OK, I think that's enough bitchin' for now, but keep checkin' I might get pissed at the news tomorrow, or maybe watchin' Montel or somethin' and just have to bitch about it, so keep checkin if I'm relaxed or pissed again. One last tidbit of information for all you Nest wannabers...if you agree with me, or think I should just shut the fuck up, TELL ME!!!!!!!!!, sign the book of lost souls, message board, or page me on ICQ to let me know. LATER!!!!