chapter nineI grabbed my purse off the counter in the kitchen and started for the door.
"Ellie? Can you tell Mom I’ll be home in about an hour?"
"Sure thing. Have fun," She called back. I pulled my coat off the rack and opened the door. Three weeks after breaking up with Tay, my life was just returning to normal. It seemed that everything I did managed to be in some way related to Taylor. But I refused to just pick up the phone and call him. Apart from the fact that I believed he really didn’t like me, I was not going to quash my pride by apologising first. Chris’ voice calling from the car in the driveway broke into my thoughts and I ran down the path and pulled open the door of his car. "Hey, guys," I said as I squished into the backseat next to two of my other friends. Adeline was in the front seat with Chris, and we were meeting the rest of the ‘gang’ at the movie theatre. There was a chorus of hello’s and hi’s from around the vehicle. Adeline turned around in her seat to face me. "Hey, Rhi. How are you feeling?" Ever since the break up, Adeline had made sure I was busy with something, so I wouldn’t think about him. It hadn’t worked, not that I told Adeline that. "Okay." She grinned and turned back to the road.
The ride to the theatre was surprisingly long, and when we finally got there, we discovered the movie was fully booked. So instead of a movie, we headed to the mall for something to eat, and just to look at the shops. When we were all seated in the food hall, Adeline said to me; "Your birthday’s in a few weeks. What are you going to do? We have to have a party." There were sounds of agreement from everyone and Chris said, "We could have it at my place. Mom wouldn’t mind." We all agreed that Chris’s house, with it’s huge backyard and swimming pool, would be ideal, and we started organising it. That, of course, took a long time, what with Adeline insisting everything had to be perfect, and even deciding on particular jobs for everyone.
"Why can’t we just get a couple of videos out and get some pizza’s or something?" I asked her. She frowned. "No way! We’re going to have a REAL party." I knew she was just trying to make me feel better, so I finally agreed on her arrangements, and we carried on with the meal.
* * * * * "Hello?" Taylor mumbled into the receiver, wondering why someone would be ringing him at 9am. "Uhh, hi. Look, I - uh, you don’t know me, but…" Tay inwardly groaned. Another fan. How on earth did they get his number, he thought. "But, I’m, I’m a friend of Rhian’s." Oh, God, he thought. She gave it to them just to get back at him…she knew how he hated it when people like that called him. He didn’t say anything, and the girl carried on. "She - it’s her birthday in a week…I’m not sure if you knew.." Of course I knew, he thought. It’s only been on my mind for the last three weeks. "And, you see, she’s having a party on Friday. She’d kill me if she knew I was ringing you, but I’m sure she wants you to come, so do you think you could? I mean, it’s okay if you think you’ll be busy, but…" Taylor blinked a couple of times.
"She WANTS me to come?"
"Well, yeah. She never said so in so many words, but I’m sure she does. I don’t think she ever thinks about anything else." Adeline had never been so nervous in her life. She knew if Rhian knew she was doing this, she would never have agreed to it, but she also knew that Rhian wanted it more than anything. Taylor blinked again. ‘you’re sure about this?"
"Well, yeah."
"hmm. So if I come, she won’t, like, hit me or anything?" There was nervous laughter from the other end, and then the girl said,
"No. In fact, I can guarantee she wouldn’t do that."
"Okay, I’ll come. Where is it?" He listened to the girl’s instructions and then put down the phone. "Ike?" He called. Isaac was in the adjoining bathroom, getting dressed. "I - I need to talk to you about something.""No, Taylor. I thought we’d been through this already. We decided it was for the best. If you go out with her again, it’ll just be so much harder to say goodbye."
"I never said it was a date. It’s her birthday. I’m going as her friend. That’s not so wrong, is it?’
"Whatever, Tay. To be honest, I think you’re making a huge mistake, but I guess you’re just going to do it anyway, so.." ..
"you’re so right. I AM going to do it anyway." Taylor nodded. Convincing Ike he just wanted to be friends with her was easy enough….but convincing himself? That was totally different. Isaac shook his head and turned back to the bathroom. He figured Tay would just have to make his own mistakes.
* * * * * "Here’s the onion dip, okay? I think I’ll make some chilli too, but this’ll do for starters." I nodded and turned away from Adeline to head for the living room, where the snack table was. After some persuasion, I had agreed to her plans, and she had managed to invite almost our whole class from school, plus some other people who I didn’t even know. But arguing would have been a waste of time, because Adeline had already decided.
Chris was sitting on the couch in the living room, watching an episode of South Park on the tv. "Chris? Are you gonna help? Cause Rhian is doing everything, and it’s not even her throwing the party. She’s the GUEST, you realise!" Adeline, who had followed me from the kitchen, walked past and stood over the couch.
"yeah, yeah, I’m coming," he sighed as he pulled his attention away from the programme. Adeline started giving him instructions, and I zoned out. My 15th birthday, the one I was so sure a month ago that I would be spending with Taylor, had finally rolled around. And I was not looking forward to this party. I had no idea what Adeline had planned, but I knew that it was most likely I would not enjoy it without Taylor. I sighed, and couldn’t help thinking how different I would be feeling right now if I had just stayed at home that Saturday afternoon over a month ago, and not insisted on going to the mall. If I had never met Taylor, would I be better off? I honestly had no idea.
"Rhian? Rhian!"
I broke out of my thoughts and glanced at Adeline, who was standing in front of me, an angry look on her face.
"What is it with you? Rhian, it is your birthday! In half an hour everyone is going to be here. Stop being so depressed!" I frowned and looked away.
"Rhian, just give it a chance. You never know, you might enjoy it!" I nodded, and the bowl of potato chips she handed me. "I’ll try." I tried a convincing smile, and she mumbled something and left again.
I sighed once more and placed the chips on the table, absently picking one out as I did.
* * * * * "Tay, what time do you want me to come back?" Ike asked as he pulled up outside the address the girl had given Taylor.
"Umm, I’ll ring you, kay?"
Ike nodded. "Sure thing. And Tay?"
"Yeah?"
"Don’t - Just be careful."
Taylor nodded and pushed the car door shut. He watched Isaac drive away, and then turned back to the house. He nervously ran a hand through his hair, and gripped the neatly wrapped parcel in his hand tighter. He made his way up to the door and knocked. On the second knock, the door was opened by a smiling girl. She looked him up and down and said;
"I’m glad you came. I’m Adeline, by the way, I spoke to you before on the phone." Taylor nodded and answered, "Thanks for inviting me. So, umm, is she here?"
The girl, Adeline, smiled again. "She being Rhian?" Taylor nodded.
"Sure, she’s here. Come in, and I’ll get her for you."
Taylor followed her into an empty room, and then waited nervously for her to return. He had no idea what he was going to say - he’d decided, before, that if he spoke naturally, it would be better.
When he heard voices in the hallway, he whirled around to find himself facing Rhian, with Adeline behind her. Her mouth was open and her fists clenched.
"Hey." Tay said, hesitantly.
Adeline said something quietly, and started to back away. But Rhian said, loud enough for Tay to hear. "oh, no you don’t. I need to talk to you, Adeline." She watched him while she was saying this, with a sort of confused look on her face. Adeline glanced anxiously at Taylor. "Umm, sure. We’ll be right back, Taylor." Rhian turned around and they walked out of the doorway, closing it behind them. Taylor slumped onto a chair and fiddled with the parcel he had. The look on her face when he’d talked to her - she’d looked so sad, and confused - exactly the way felt. He could hear them talking outside - or rather loudly whispering - but not loud enough to distinguish the words. The tone of Rhian’s voice told him she was NOT happy. He silently cursed himself for thinking she would want to talk to him. She obviously didn’t like him. He heard the voices getting closer to the door, and he stood up. The door opened and only Rhian came in. "Hey." She said, with a half - smile.
"Hey." They were both silent for a moment, until he stepped closer and gave her the parcel he had been holding.
"here. Happy Birthday." She looked from the parcel back to him.
"Tay, you didn’t have to-"
"I wanted to." He said with finality. "Go ahead. Open it."
Rhian slowly unfolded the paper and turned the object over. It was Jamiroquai’s new album.
"Jamiroquai." She said quietly, once again recalling that afternoon at the mall.
"Yeah." He said. She looked up at him, and he thought his heart would break from the hurt in those deep brown eyes.
"Taylor, why did you come tonight?" He was a bit surprised by the question, but managed to say "Adeline asked me to-"
"No, really. Why did you really come?" She was so quiet, he thought. She wasn’t yelling, or shouting, or even angry - she was just hurt. And he couldn’t blame her, the way he’d treated her.
"Rhian, I-"
"Taylor, you didn’t just come to give me a CD. I’m not that stupid."
"I wanted to explain, Rhian. You deserve that much."
She watched him quietly, not saying anything. He felt he’d almost prefer her to yell, and shout. At least then he’d know how she was feeling. It was like she was beyond angry - beyond yelling at him.
"I - I didn’t want to break up with you - it was the opposite of what I wanted. But the fans - our PR consultant said that if it got out that Taylor Hanson had a girlfriend, we’d drop in the charts. He told us it wasn’t worth it, and the others agreed. And well…." He trailed off, and looked up from where he had been studying the carpet. She was watching him still, and for the first time he saw anger in her eyes. A quiet anger.
"Taylor Hanson. You are your own person. Someone telling you something never stopped you before. I don’t see how it could have stopped you then." He blinked.
‘Sure, someone telling me…that’s different. But Ike telling me….I mean, I …’
"Taylor, I think you should leave." He looked at her, not bothering to hide the shock on his face. Her eyes no longer were angry, but had returned to the same platonic expression. He nodded silently, and then moved past her to the door.
* * * * * I knew I’d been too hard on him. But seeing him again…it was bad enough that I had to avoid MTV and magazines, so I didn’t see his smiling face looking up at me. I flopped down onto the couch and sobbed. How could Adeline have done that to me? I knew she was just trying to cheer me up, but she must have known he didn’t want to see me - so why had she dragged him along here? I heard the door open behind me, but I didn’t bother to look up.
"Rhian? Are you okay?’ Chris walked tentatively over to me and sat down on the couch. "Do you want to come out for the cake and stuff?"
Trust Adeline - she’d even made a damn cake! I pulled myself up off the chair, and looked at him. He really looked concerned, although he must have had hardly no idea what was going on. I stood up, and he got up with me.
"Yeah, I suppose I’d better. I bet I look like I just got dragged through a fence backwards, don’t I?’
"You look lovely." I attempted a smile.
"Thank you." I rubbed my sleeve over my face and said;
"I think I’ll just go wash my face. I’ll see you out there." He nodded, and allowed me past him to the door. I ran to the bathroom and closed the door behind me. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see me. I saw some girl who was wasting her life because of some guy. And I couldn’t believe that it was me. Me, the girl who had once sworn she would never fall this hard for a guy. As I looked into the mirror, I suddenly realised that if what I felt wasn’t love, I didn’t want to know what it was.