You're feeling down. You're either feeling so down that you've come to a silly Brian page or you can't eat at all. The future Placebo-wise looks dull and boring. What can you do? Might as well try to commit a Pure Morning video action (if you get my drift). But don't! We're here to help you relive that Placebo moment, whether you saw them with 2 other people or 2,000.
Stefan, what you will need:
Bigbird, a life size stuffed toy
a large picture of Stefan
a bass guitar
a razor
capacity not to laugh so hard that you die and once again imagination;)
Don't panic about the razor (or Bigbird), Bigbird is there for the desired
height affect of Stefan and the razor is to make Bigbird look more like Stefan
(ie, shave the bird!). Once again, cut out the picture and tape it on "Stefan",
then if you're tall enough put the bass guitar around "Stefan" though due to
the height it may suffice for you just to prop it up against him.
Steve, what you will need:
a hippy type with long hair (preferably out of his mind, then he will be more
willing to do what you ask)
scissors for cutting hair (experiance unnessecary)
bongos or if you've got one a proper drum kit
o yea, large picture of Steve of course!
Cut your hippy's hair to whatever length you would like your Steve to have.
Then cut out Steve's face and politely (or maybe not) request the hippy type
to hold it in front of his face. With his other free hand ask him to make some
noise on the provided drums.
Now you have your band!
If you want a large arena:
Simply set up your band on one end of your street and depending on whether
you desire standing close or far away go stand there. Possibly it would be
advisable to get some random strangers to crowd surf and/or spill the
contents of their drink/stomach all over you. Be sure to ignore everyone who
might stare, I mean at the real gig there were probably people staring at your
supercool dancing anyways, right?
If you want the tiny inimate gig:
Set up either in the darkest dirtiest place in your house or in the smallest
space. Get a squirmy sibling/realation/flatmate/random person to squeeze
next to you and step all over your feet. Try best to use a crappy stereo where
you can't really hear Brian so half the time you end up singing Teenage Angst
when The Crawl is really being played. An added bonus is getting people to
yell at "Placebo" and call them faggots since at the real gig if it was a small
place, Placebo probably weren't the headlining band most people came to see.
1. Did you have a good time?
a. Yes
b. Maybe
c. No
d. Placebo are not a yes or no answer
2. How did you find out that Placebo were playing?
a. You were the first person at the ticketbox window 'cause you were the first
person to know they were playing
b. Either word of ear or eventually you caught on from the mailing lists that
the 'bo were playing near you
c. Who are they? You just walked by the club and saw a big line so you
checked it out
d. One day when you had little else to do you wasted a bit of time reading a
shallow paper like NME and saw the tourdates
3. Did you meet the band? (or had you what would you have done?)
a. Yes and lapdanced for all of them
b. Yea, they signed an autograph for you
c. No, wouldn't know what they look like
d. Yes and you immediately had a heated discussion in French over the
current situtation of Parisian poverty and how the same thing happened in
some great novel and is all refelected brilliantly through a Goya painting or
two
4. When you saw the band you considered it reasonable to (or if you were to
see them)
a. try to steal Brian's underwear... while he's still wearing it
b. get a kodak colour moment, maybe shriek for affect
c. laugh at the singer, she doesn't seem to realise she looks like a man, haw
haw!
d. coolly shake their hand and tell them how much you think they've
contributed to a dying music industry inundated with cheesy pop and
insincere pin-ups
5. A reason you didn't meet the band (or might not have) is
a. their security guard bared your way back stage after you chased them for
an hour
b. too many people waiting around and they didn't seem to be coming
anytime soon...so you stopped waiting around and went home
c. who wants to meet them? they must be druggies, their song says "weed" in
it!
d. It's just not cool to act like...a groupie *sniff* you have better things to do,
they should run into you
6. You're idea of a deep discussion with the band includes
a. Getting them all drunk and pants down, talking? actions speak louder then
words
b. You'd rather just talk to them about music, that's what they do after
all
c. If you had no choice you might give the singer a few make up tips
d. Depends if you're in the mood for discussing Kafka or the Dada influences
you see in Placebo's albums and singles artwork
Results of this wee quiz:
Mostly "a": O yea, honey! This is the right page for you;) #1 groupie, you
ain't ashamed to admit your love for Brian/Placebo.
If you've got post-gig depression: stare at a picture of Brian for at least an
hour while playing a bootleg or your fave songs.
You might fear this person: because they're the shovey people who are
throwing underwear on stage and generally bouncing around like lunatics.
They may disrupt your "deep and intellectual" analysis of the gig but as long
as they don't kill you in getting closer to the stage let them have their fun;)
Mostly "b": The cool and casual Placebo fan, probably you either aren't
afraid to let people know you're a fan or don't admit you like them. The
music is really important more then the people and I'm quite honestly amazed
you're actually visiting my page;)
If you've got post-gig depression: a bootleg is a must as well as an video you
might get of the band. If you're in a silly mood get some mates to form a
most pit with you!
You might fear this person: 'cause they aren't all that into it. They might
mosh to the gig but they probably won't sing along. They might also block
your view of the stage, horrors!
Mostly "c": I don't actually think anyone visiting this page got mostly c's
but.....if you did you aren't much of a fan are you? Try buying an album or
two and getting more into the band
IYGP-GD: try going to another gig, most likely a band you like more
YMFTP: 'cause they'll definately block your way and not be into it at all.
They might be there just for the opening band or to sing to Pure Morning,
they'll insult your suggestion that Brian...er, Briana isn't a girl at all. And
worst of all, they won't know who Stefan or Steve is! *gasp*
Mostly "d": Ahhhh, the thinking part of the thinking groupie who isn't really
a groupie. For you Placebo are not merely a band, they represent something
else. Something extremely artistic and meaningful that only you and Dante
might truely understand. You believe that you cannot merely "see" the band,
you cannot merely "talk" with them, if it doesn't have anything at all to it that
might be something you can write an essay on it's not worth your time.
IYGP-GD: Take a deep breath. Go to a book shop and read Candide again
while listening carely to Paycheck and try to get all the significant similarities
down on paper. Then, carefully write a detailed letter about all of this and
send it to every music paper under the sun and literary journal, possibly you
may get it printed and for a few seconds you may shallowly feel happy
YMFTP: 'cause they take everything too seriously! You want to talk about
Stefan's legs or that cool guitar riff and they'll ramble on about how Placebo
are the only true artists of the 90's.
Mixture of all: You're unique and not any exetremity or stereotype
IYGP-GD: We all do sometimes, the best advice is to do what "b" should do,
listen to Placebo a lot. If you want to talk to someone e-mail me you never
know, talking to someone might help;) I like e-mail
YMFTP: 'cause they're not like you and don't fit neatly into any category
Okay, I've played the wrong role as faux therapist long enough, now get back to the rest of my page so I don't have to failingly attempt to be witty anymore